Everybody's Normal

Normal is good.

So today I flew to California to take a few days to study Menlo Park Church and, more specifically, to have lunch with John Ortberg. The flights were good... but man... I'm not sure you can cram many more people into that space. Sheesh.

By the way... my administrator rocks. She did all the logistics: booked my flight, car and room; and handed me a folder with all my stuff (in order) that I would need. She even included a sheet of bonus material, including an excellent Indian restaurant which I tried tonight. I can't tell you how much I hate doing that stuff... what a great gift to me. I don't want to post her name, but you Central people know who I'm talkin' about. Well done! Go give that girl a hug!

Tonight I went to the Saturday evening service at Menlo. I plan to go to 5 worship services this weekend: tonight, 3 on Sunday (including their satellite campuses) and their Sunday night "next gen." service.

Full Disclosure: It. Was. Not. What. I. Expected.

First, it's a traditional presbyterian church. Yes, they installed lights, screens and cameras.... but it feels "small church" in every way (Granted, it probably holds 700?) John's name is on the little sign out front. A lot of older people. I came early (of course), went around beforehand and just struck up conversations with people asking about Menlo from an insider's perspective.

They talked about it like it was the church down the street.

And what surprised me is that they talked about John just like he was another pastor.

This is very different from my other experience with John, which was while he was at Willow. Willow, by its sheer size and prominence, breeds a kind of "unapproachable pastor" aura. The pastors are the people on the stage. They are celebrities. Now, I'm not saying they are arrogant or even that they reinforce this image... but the medium is the message in this case. Put a person on stage in front of 7,000 people with their image on two huge jumbotrons... and you just can't help it.

John is a normal pastor here. He stood down front and talked with one or two people after the service... just like I do. People didn't crowd around him to get his autograph. (This is different from my common experience at Central, of course... where people clamber to get my autograph).

Actually, I spoke with 3 people for some time before the service and the first two people I met said, "Honestly, I'm not crazy about John's preaching. I liked the last guy."

WHAT!!! This is JOHN ORTBERG!

So honestly, this makes me feel better about my life. Because, if John can't please everyone... man... I'm not sure who can.

With rare exceptions (none of which I can even think of right now, so maybe it's "without exception"), I have never visited a church and wished I was the pastor there. I love Central. I love my community. Yes, there are days when I have wondered if it was time to move on. Yes, there are days when I'm sure Central wonders that as well!

But the grass is not greener on the other side.

Even if you are a famous author.

Or if you are in a church and you get a new pastor who is a famous author.

dizzy

I've been struggling lately with dizziness. I had a bunch of test done and the best they can determine is that my blood pressure is high pretty consistently.

I've never been good at self care. Truth is, I've always been overweight. My tendency is to always put other people's needs before mine. I have a somewhat stressful job and I stress eat. There have been seasons of my life where I have exercised pretty regularly, but not lately. Really, this past year or so has been exceptionally bad in terms of self care and this has been especially true lately, on multiple levels.

So my doctor put me on blood pressure medication while I try to bring it down naturally. Honestly, I feel like a failure. I feel really, really old. Defeated. For some reason this doesn't feel motivating to me ("Wow, now I really need to make those changes!"), but more of a nail in the coffin. It has had a profoundly negative effect on my self perception. So yeah.

All of this could be a really long blog post. One that is probably a lot more personal than I want to make it, so that is pretty much it for now.

Except to say that I found the #1 side effect of the blood pressure meds very humorous:

Dizziness.

Hearing God

"I truly believe that the onslaught of social media, constant barrage of text messages, unlimited interruptions by email and the perpetual buzzing of a cell phone…has created such a wall of sound in our lives…that we can no longer can hear from God. In the 21st Century the quest for food is no longer the driving force that pulls us from our quest for God. What pulls us from our quest for God is the quest for…connectivity. We get distracted from connecting with God to connect with our families through texting, our friends through Facebook and the world through Twitter. We allow our churches to pay for retreats, conferences and events for us to connect with God…yet commit the sin of poor stewardship by spending the entire time with our thumbs flailing on the smartphone keyboard. We stand in the pulpit and declare that God has given us a vision and word…yet we never actually hear it because we fail to shut off the computer, smartphone, e-reader or electronic tablet. We lay awake in fear at night worrying if we are leading our congregations down the wrong road…but not in enough fear to block out the beeps, buzzes, ring tones and pop-up screens."

Chris Elrod

Again

poured out.

Love Rubs Feet

This post was written back on May 5th. I often write posts and never post them. Honestly, for me, much of blogging is personal journaling. But I was thinking about this again this week, looked up the post, and decided to go public with it.

______________________

This weekend I'm teaching on love. It's a sermon I have done before... actually several times. I heard another pastor at a conference give this basic outline back in 1991 and said to myself that day that I wanted to preach that outline every year of my ministry. Well, that hasn't happened. But I have given this outline maybe 5 or 6 times between the two churches I have served. Of course, some of the content changes... I would get bored with it otherwise... but the simple message is a good one:

Love boldly.

I have been thinking about love a lot lately. And much of it is born out of pain. I have been watching my parents struggle through dad's decline. I have another man I deeply respect who is in a battle with leukemia and doesn't seem to be winning. My friend and co-partner in ministry has a mom who is fighting her own health issues. In the midst of all of this darkness... there is this light. It's the love I see breaking through in these dark places.

Today I sat with this man named Paul. He is a pastor of sorts. And he is one of my heros. I had heard of him before I came to Athens and was really excited to meet him. In the past couple of years he, his wife and son became a part of the church I pastor. And at first, honestly, it was kind of wierd to have this guy who I kind of looked up to, be a part of my congregation. But in these years I have gotten to know him, his wife and son and I have seen a spiritual maturity that just blows me away. (Maybe I will write more about this another time).

But for now I just wanted to say: true love is really hard.

It rubs feet.

It changes bandages. It cleans up messes. It calls out the best in people. It forgets the worst in people.

So often our culture thinks of love as naked bodies writhing in pleasure. We even call it, "Making love."

That's stupid.

I'm not even sure "love" happens in the first years of marriage.

Love is when it becomes difficult. Sacrificial.

Love is when you talk to that friend and you don't want to talk.

It's when you give and don't want to give.

When you call and don't want to call.

Love rubs feet.

________________________

Paul Martin
June 28, 1946 - August 14, 2009

Gambling - Vote no on 3

For those who know me, you know that I try to hide my politics. I certainly believe that Christians can be Republican, Democrat, Libertarian, Green and just about any other label you can put on a political party. There are way too many things to divide us already.

With that said, I want to say a word about Issue 3, the casino gambling legislation. Rather than reinvent the wheel, I'm simply going to publish a letter written by the bishop of the West Ohio Conference of the UMC. I hope it sheds light on the issue and is helpful to you.

For my vote, I'm voting a big "No."

_____________________________

For the fifth time in 19 years, The United Methodist Church and the Ohio Council of Churches are successfully mobilizing tens of thousands of voters from many faith communities to vote against casino gambling in Ohio. The gambling industry has mounted a well funded and deceptive marketing campaign to introduce predatory gambling into our neighborhoods. Issue 3, on the ballot in November, is a dangerous proposal which inserts new language into the Ohio Constitution, and creates a monopoly to run casinos in four Ohio communities. We call for an extensive effort to stop casino gambling from harming our citizens for these reasons:

1. Our position on gambling is consistent with our beliefs as United Methodists.

The United Methodist Church is very clear. Our Social Principles state that “gambling is a menace to society, deadly to the best interests of moral, social, economic and spiritual life and destructive of good government.”—2008 United Methodist Discipline, Paragraph 163,G. We also live by these Three Simples Rules from the founder of Methodism, John Wesley – Do no harm, do good, and stay in love with God. Gambling does harm to families, economies, business and changes the fabric of life in communities.

2. Casinos create an illusion of free money.

The lingering economic downturn in our state and around the globe is frightening and devastating to individuals, families and institutions. There is incredible pressure on our state and community leaders to turn to the lure of casino gambling as the answer to our economic woes. We understand this. Noted economists call this “casino capitalism.” Casino capitalism contributes to an illusion of free money by preying on those least able to afford it. Across America, predatory gambling has helped create a culture based on financial gimmicks, false hopes and pure chance. This culture has led to and perpetuates the massive economic crisis we find ourselves in today.

3. Casinos do not bring positive economic development or create additional jobs.

This fact is documented once again in a report on the statewide economic and social factors of Issue 3 recently published by Ohio’s Hiram College. Casinos have the opposite effect by ultimately pulling money out of the local economy. This harms existing businesses and causes thousands of hard working citizens to lose their current jobs. The out of state companies that will operate these casinos will deplete the Ohio economy further as they take their profits elsewhere. Casinos ultimately lead to the loss of jobs and small businesses in the communities in which they are located.

4. Casinos are predatory by their very nature.

Casinos make windfall profits for their owners from the gambling losses of our most vulnerable neighbors, deriving much of their profits from the poor who spend more than they can afford to lose. Proximity to a casino also increases the levels of addiction. National studies indicate that people who live within 50 miles of a casino are twice as likely to become gambling addicts.

5. The social costs as a result of casino gambling will exceed revenue 3 to 1.

Let this sink in – for every dollar gambling generates, it will cost the taxpayers of Ohio three dollars in social costs. Problem gamblers ruin their lives and harm their families through increased debt, bankruptcy, home foreclosures, divorce, spousal abuse, child abuse and suicide. Casino gambling always does more harm than good to families. This amendment is economic nonsense in a time when we most desperately need sound, sustainable economic policies.

6. Law enforcement will need increased budgets & manpower to manage higher crime rates.

Nationwide, studies of existing casinos and surrounding communities have consistently found that crime rates increase by 10% each year after a casino opens, including violent crimes against people. In addition, 40% of all white collar crime is rooted in the gambling industry.

7. The casino owners do not care about our state or our citizens.

The proponents of Issue 3, just like their predecessors, allege they want to operate casinos in order to help the citizens of Ohio. Nothing could be further from the truth. Their well crafted promises of economic development, jobs and millions in revenue are motivated by greed, not by good will. In reality, they are seeking extravagant profits for themselves and are fear-mongers, not benefactors.

8. It is bad public policy to allow for-profit casino interests to write their own section of the Ohio Constitution.

Yet, this is precisely what they have done. They wrote the language in the proposed amendment and they paid hundreds of thousands of dollars to gather signatures to place their self-serving proposal on this November’s ballot. Their language not only grants them an exclusive monopoly on casino gambling for all time, it also dramatically limits the ability of the Ohio General Assembly to regulate their activities. The amendment specifically prohibits our state government from controlling the days or hours of operation, the size of the bets or even the types of gambling that will be allowed.

The language of the constitutional amendment is frightening and has loopholes. In fact, the language states these monopolies can inflict on our citizens any type of gambling that is currently allowed in any other adjoining state or any new types of gambling these states may experiment with in the future, including live sports betting. These casino interests even dictated the maximum amount they will pay in taxes and wrote in an amount that is dramatically lower than in some of the surrounding states. Other language in the amendment creates a loophole stipulating they will not pay any taxes when cash is directly used to place the bets.

We understand that the gambling industry is well organized and well funded to exploit the current economic pain and fear experienced by so many Ohioans. Issue 3 is not about jobs. It is about altering the very fabric of our life together. That is why Ohio citizens have voted consistently and overwhelmingly against bringing predatory casino gambling into our communities each of the previous four times this has been on the ballot.

We urge every United Methodist congregation in Ohio to be a public witness against Issue 3. There is no legal prohibition against churches taking a stance on ballot issues. Please join us in this endeavor as we abide by our Social Principles and live out our Three Simple Rules – Do no harm, do good, and stay in love with God.

An Open Letter to my High School Class

Thanks to Facebook, I've re-connected with some former High School classmates -- I guess that is part of what we "old people" do on Facebook.

It's been good. It's fun to see my HS class all grown up. It is strange to see us with kids, jobs, and responsibilities. I've enjoyed following the threads of sharing memories. Catching up.

As I type these words, I realize that some of my former classmates may actually read this blog (although I'm betting most of you have more to do with your time than stalk my blog!). I hope this post is not misunderstood. In fact, I hope my words ring true to you as well. I would love to hear your thoughts, either here or in my inbox.

______________________________

Dear Former Classmates of Toronto High School

Recently, I got out my HS yearbook (yeah, I was trying to figure out a friend request). It was the first time I had looked at that book, or for that matter, even deeply thought about high school in years.

And as I looked at the pictures, matching names with faces, I realized something: At the time, so many of your opinions meant so much to me (I guess that is the way high school is for a lot of people). Today, I don't remember many of your names. Some I couldn't remember at all.

I realized that I had forgotten who the HS quarterback was, and I couldn't name more than two cheerleaders. I'd forgotten who was voted class president or prom King or Queen. (I did remember Gretchen was voted "Most Likely to Succeed" but only because she was my first girlfriend and my first kiss. Come on, I was in 5th grade, I think... so I'm sure she will own up to it.) But I had forgotten who was voted "Most Popular" or "Prettiest Hair," etc.

I don't say that to be mean. In fact, I'm kind of embarrassed by it. But it WAS a realization that the particular part of my life called "high school" was actually a very small part in the overall picture, and a fairly insignificant part.

I smiled when I looked up the section of the yearbook where we voted for "Prettiest Smile," "Funniest," "Most Talented," etc. I smiled because, at the time, those things actually meant something to me. I looked at the pictures of the guys who were so popular. I looked at pictures of the girls I had huge crushes on... I remember feeling like I was on the outside most of the time.

But here's the point: In those days my classmates' acceptance of me mattered. My day would rise and fall based on their opinion of me. Opinions based, not on any substantive character issues, but on who was "in" who was "out."

That is so sad.

And now, with age and perspective... I really regret the way I saw myself and others in high school.

So I'm writing this letter to my entire class to apologize.

I'm sorry for those of you I may have excluded. I'm sorry I made you feel like others made me feel.

I'm sorry for those of you I judged, or put into a box, or stuck a label on: "stuck up," "jock," "nerd" -- whatever. We label people to control them. To categorize or even dehumanize them.

I'm sorry for the years I lost because I cared more about avoiding you, or impressing you -- rather than caring for you or impacting you.

I'm sorry I was so worried about you noticing me, that I didn't really notice you.

I suspect many of us felt "on the outside" in HS.

I suspect many of us wore masks.

How stupid we were.

If I could do it again, I would do it differently.

So I commit to trying to live that way now.

I keep finding these lists of accountability questions. I find them convicting and fascinating. First, it's not the questions are asked... in fact... I have several relationships where these kinds of questions are asked. It's the intentionality and the regularity by which they are asked.

Curious to know your thoughts.

Again, John Wesley's Small Group Questions:

1. Am I consciously or unconsciously creating the impression that I am better than I am? In other words, am I a hypocrite?
2. Am I honest in all my acts and words, or do I exaggerate?

3. Do I confidentially pass onto another what was told me in confidence?

4. Am I a slave to dress, friends, work , or habits?

5. Am I self-conscious, self-pitying, or self-justifying?

6. Did the Bible live in me today?

7. Do I give it time to speak to me everyday?

8. Am I enjoying prayer?

9. When did I last speak to someone about my faith?

10. Do I pray about the money I spend?

11. Do I get to bed on time and get up on time?

12. Do I disobey God in anything?

13. Do I insist upon doing something about which my conscience is uneasy?

14. Am I defeated in any part of my life?

15. Am I jealous, impure, critical, irritable, touchy or distrustful?

16. How do I spend my spare time?

17. Am I proud?

18. Do I thank God that I am not as other people, especially as the Pharisee who despised the publican?

19. Is there anyone whom I fear, dislike, disown, criticize, hold resentment toward or disregard? If so, what am I going to do about it?

20. Do I grumble and complain constantly?

21. Is Christ real to me?

_____________________________


Wesley's Band Meeting Questions - these are the questions JW small groups would ask each other when they met each week.

1. What known sins have you committed since our last meeting?

2. What temptations have you met with?

3. How were you delivered?

4. What have you thought, said, or done, of which you doubt whether it be sin or not?

5. Have you nothing you desire to keep secret?

Reference: John Wesley's Class Meetings: a Model for Making Disciples, by D. Michael Henderson, Evangel Publishing House, 1997, pp. 118-9


_______________________________


Chuck Swindoll's Pastoral Accountability Questions:

In his book, "The Body," author Chuck Colson lists the questions used by Chuck Swindoll (pastor, author and Chancellor of Dallas Theological Seminary).

1. Have you been with a person of the opposite sex anywhere this past week that might be seen as compromising?

2. Have any of your financial dealings lacked integrity?

3. Have you exposed yourself to any sexually explicit material?

4. Have you spent adequate time in Bible study and prayer?

5. Have you given priority time to your family?

6. Have you fulfilled the mandates of your calling?

7. Have you just lied to me?

________________________


Neil Cole (executive director of Church Multiplication Associates)

1. What is the condition of your soul?

2. What sin do you need to confess?

3. What have you held back from God that you need to surrender?

4. Is there anything that has dampened your zeal for Christ?

5. Who have you talked with about Christ this week?

______________________


HT: Journey ten questions:

1. Have you been a testimony this week to the greatness of Jesus Christ with both your words and actions?

2. Have you been exposed to sexually alluring material or allowed your mind to entertain inappropriate thoughts about someone who is not your spouse this week?

3. Have you lacked any integrity in your financial dealings this week, or coveted something that does not belong to you?

4. Have you been honoring, understanding and generous in your important relationships this past week?

5. Have you damaged another person by your words, either behind their back or face-to-face?

6. Have you given in to an addictive behavior this week? Explain.

7. Have you continued to remain angry toward another?

8. Have you secretly wished for another's misfortune so that you might excel?

9. Did you finish your reading this week and hear from the Lord? What are you going to do about it?

10. Have you been completely honest with me?

John Wesley's questions

Some questions Wesley (who was the founder of the Methodist Movement) would ask himself at the end of the day. He required his pastors to do the same. Might not be a bad idea for any of us.

John Wesley’s Small Group Questions:

1. Am I consciously or unconsciously creating the impression that I am better than I am? In other words, am I a hypocrite?

2. Am I honest in all my acts and words, or do I exaggerate?

3. Do I confidentially pass onto another what was told me in confidence?

4. Am I a slave to dress, friends, work , or habits?

5. Am I self-conscious, self-pitying, or self-justifying?

6. Did the Bible live in me today?

7. Do I give it time to speak to me everyday?

8. Am I enjoying prayer?

9. When did I last speak to someone about my faith?

10. Do I pray about the money I spend?

11. Do I get to bed on time and get up on time?

12. Do I disobey God in anything?

13. Do I insist upon doing something about which my conscience is uneasy?

14. Am I defeated in any part of my life?

15. Am I jealous, impure, critical, irritable, touchy or distrustful?

16. How do I spend my spare time?

17. Am I proud?

18. Do I thank God that I am not as other people, especially as the Pharisee who despised the publican?

19. Is there anyone whom I fear, dislike, disown, criticize, hold resentment toward or disregard? If so, what am I going to do about it?

20. Do I grumble and complain constantly?

21. Is Christ real to me?

dad

I guess I have been reluctant to write about my dad. I haven't slept well the past couple of weeks and I have been stress eating like crazy. Things that used to make me excited just feel flat.

I'm kind of a "wear my emotions on my sleeve" kind of person - transparency has never been an issue for me. But this struggle seems more private to me. It's been harder to talk about for some reason. And there is a tiredness to this season of my life that goes deep to the bone. Even to my spirit.

If you don't know, my dad has had serious health issues for the past 5 years. Slowly, I have watched his body deteriorate. Three weeks ago he had major open heart surgery (replacing a valve and repairing another). He spent the past couple of weeks in ICU struggling to recover from that surgery. And wouldn't you know, the day after they took him out of ICU, he had a stroke. He now has limited movement on his right side and has a lot of trouble getting words out. It's clear he knows what we are saying, he just can't put the words together. (This is in addition to the heart surgery and other complications.) So where most people are up and walking after 3 days, my dad is worse off now than when he went in.

To really know me is to know my family system. I'm incredibly close to my parents. My dad is, hands down, the most influential man in my life. Growing up, he was my hero. He could do anything. Fix anything. Overcome anything. He worked 30 years in the same classroom and loved every minute of it. He was loyal to his wife, his work, his friends, his family. I loved the way he loved my mom. He was my best man at my wedding. I could go on and on...

Tonight I was lying in bed trying to sleep and, for the first time, it dawned on me that I might have had my last "conversation" with my dad (as least as I knew it).

Even writing those words seem so surreal to me.

And really painful.

Growing up, dad would be teaching me something and he would say, "I know I have probably told you this before, and if so, I'm sorry. Just listen to it again. You know, when I was your age I used to get so frustrated with my dad. He would say the same thing over and over. But now, I really wish I had him around."

I guess I just want to "listen to it all again."

Haggard Update

Those of you who follow this site know that I have blogged about Haggard before. I find the whole situation so interesting. Recently, Haggard was featured in an HBO special. I have seen several interviews with him in the past couple of weeks, including the one below. My take is that he actually seems to be getting perspective and maybe healing. I'm curious to know what you, my loyal readers think.

technology fast

Friends. I'm on a technology fast for 4 days (until Monday night). No blog, email, cell phone, facebook, twitter, gchat... nothing. So if you don't see me around virtually, it is because I'm only reachable in person. If you need to get a hold of me... maybe a letter? Walk over to my house? Call my wife? Carrier pigeon? The options are limited. Have a great week.

Dueling church signs

Okay, this is one of the funniest things I have seen in a long time. I must say that, in my opinion, the Catholics won the sign duel: certainly in humor.

Stay at home dads and marriage

So....

I have some opinions on this, but I'm going to give you all an opportunity to chime in if you want.

Are you for us or against us?

I am within seconds of perhaps the biggest rant I have ever done on this blog. But I have to pick up my daughter, so fortunately, I will show restraint. You are welcomed to rant for me.... or perhaps you think this prayer is good?

Must.... show... restraint....

Real priorities

When I first started watching this, my initial thought was, "Okay, this really crosses the acceptable line of humor. It is in poor taste."

But it didn't take me long to catch that it is actually pretty profound if you think about it.


Gunman Kills 15 Potential Voters In Crucial Swing State

rest

"Because we do not rest we lose our way... poisoned by the hypnotic belief that good things come only through unceasing determination and tireless effort, we can never truly rest. And for want of rest our lives are in danger."

Wayne Muller

The interest of others

From a favorite blog of mine

______________________________

Here's the quote of the day: "We're all worried about losing our jobs," Rep. Paul Ryan, a Republican, declared in an impassioned speech in support of the bill before the vote. "Most of us say, 'I want this thing to pass, but I want you to vote for it — not me.' "

What else could you expect from an economic system predicated on the notion that everyone acting in their own self-interests will always lead to a win/win situation. Somehow, I wonder: WWJT. What would Jesus think?

He'd think that we should put the interests of others before our own. He'd think we should put the interests of the kingdom before our own. He'd think we should live generously. He'd think we should open our homes, share our food, and care for those who can't care for themselves, and that these kinds of things should be our priorities.

We've been trying to reconcile Adam Smith and unregulated economics with the gospel for a long time. Can we please stop? What's needed is a new model where the government rewards, not self-interest, but service and sacrifice. This might be an opportunity to build a new energy and technology infrastructure. Maybe America can begins producing goods again, rather than trying to live off fabricated wealth. Maybe, but I'm not sure. If Christians, who have the very words of Christ about money refuse to altar their view of self-interest economics, how will the rest of world do?

___________________________

Feel free to share your thoughts.

strength

"At times the strength of spiritual comunity lies in the love of people who refrain from getting caught in the trap of trying to fix everything for us, who pray for us and allow us the pain of our wilderness, our wants, so that we may be more deeply grounded in God."

Rosemary Dougherty

Day off?

So I worked most of my day off. I could not turn my mind off. Yet I accomplished nothing that anyone will "see" in the next several months... it was all long-term stuff. Strategic, behind-the-scenes stuff. The stuff everyone assumes just happens.

Now, I'm smart enough to know that it's the long-term "important" work that often keeps an organization moving and healthy. There needs to be someone dreaming and planning. But when you have weekly "urgent" deadlines, sermons, budgets, appointments, stresses... yet all you do while working all day (on your day off) doesn't move you any closer to those "urgent" things... arg!

Most of my readers know by now that I LOVE my job. But just so you know... even people who love their jobs and feel called to do them have bad days. I feel a bit overwhelmed. Okay, maybe more than a bit. And although I know I will feel 100% better tomorrow, tonight I would trade this job for warm Diet Coke. It is definitely a Monday. (Funny, I dislike Mondays for a very different set of reasons than most people... but poor Monday always gets a bad rap.)

Of course, all this job stress will go away when I get elected president. Thankfully.