I doubt one can access blogger after this life is over -- I'm not sure YOU would be able to find my blog anyway -- seeing how I bookmarked it on your computer when you were alive and you couldn't find it. Or maybe you did and just never told me. :)
Even so... I wanted to tell you that mom found a letter you wrote me just after I told you I was going to become a dad. I already had the one you typed... this one was the rough draft. It's in your handwriting so it is even more meaningful to me. I'm glad mom found it in one of your notebooks. You know, the one with the blue tape.
I've told you this so many times, but I love you. You were such a great dad and I was always so proud that you were my father. There is a lot going on in my life right now. Big decisions. A storm that hit our neighborhood. I'm working really long hours and am tired a lot. I have a lot on my mind. And this would have been one of those days I would have picked up the phone and called you. I would have asked you about my roof. About leadership. About dealing with insurance people. I would have told you about the stuff going on. And you would have told me to not to let work consume me -- to take care of Laura and Lydia and enjoy them while I can. You would have told me that you were proud of me. I know what you would have said, but I would love to hear you say it.
Today I just really feel raw. And empty. I'm just tired. I'm sure I'll feel better in a couple of hours. But in this moment, I just miss you a lot.