But give it a try.
Saturday, September 30, 2006
Create a Caption Contest
I have no idea what the prize is... fame? fortune? Probably not.
But give it a try.
But give it a try.
I'm thinking I should apply.
From the blog: Monday Morning Insight
Wanted: Innovative and Relevant Pastor Needed Immediately
Nazarene Nooz has just posted a pastor job description for an opening at Fairweather Church. See if you qualify...
_____________
Fairweather Church of the Nazarene seeks a senior pastor who is in the top 0.01% of up and coming Nazarene leaders in the USA. You must submit solid references, a detailed track record, and a picture of you with your family.
Please do NOT apply:
--If you are older than 40.
--If you have served at any church for less than three years.
--If your references have no name recognition OR if the name recognition they have is for bookish pursuits like teaching theology or writing books.
--If you are interested in bookish pursuits like teaching theology or reading books.
--If you are a woman OR if you are a man too much acquainted with your feminine side.
--If you have fewer than three children.
--If your wife looks like a ‘before’ picture for one of the extreme makeover shows.
Qualifications:
--Must have experience with transforming an organization from pathetic to powerful using a no-nonsense, head-bashing style of leadership.
--Must be able to project sincerity while demanding the loyalty of those who know better.
--Must be comfortable with giving orders and squashing dissent.
--Must be adept at asking for input and then ignoring it without fostering discontent.
--Must be willing and able to raise most or all of your salary by developing channels of commerce within the church. (day care, preschool, restaurant franchise, resale of items donated as tax write-offs,)
--Must have experience with gradually ‘bleeding’ the bad elements out of a church without making the church anemic.
--Must have at least ten years of experience and a willingness to boast about it.
--Must have been a high school and/or college athlete and be willing to boast about it.
--Must be able to do every conceivable role in a Sunday morning worship service. (so you are not held hostage to the bad elements within the music and/or drama program)
--Must pay lip service to church tradition while seeking to supplant or trivialize it.
--Must sing the praises of the denomination while counting the days till you can fire all of the losers around you.
--Must be able to talk like a post-modernist while being a dyed-in-the-wool modernist.
--Must have at least one psychiatric disorder that makes you more able to work 80-90 obsessive hours per week for the benefit of the church.
--Must be arrogant and opinionated in a humble, Christlike way.
--Must be able to fake it till you make it when in the spotlight.
--Must understand the difference between lying and telling people only as much as they need to know.
About Fairweather:
We are located on the growing edge of a growing community. We are poised to be the Wal-Mart to all the pathetic Mom and Pop churches who still tell people to turn to hymn #212. We are in an affluent community and most of that money is at the lake or the ballparks on Sundays because most churches are so darn boring. We want a pastor who can draw all people unto himself. The church government will be upon his shoulders and he will be called wonderful and a counselor; a prince among pastors. We are praying that, like Moses raised up the snake in the desert, God will raise up a messiah for our community.
If you think you fit this description then you are either sorely deceived, or you are the one whom God will send to us in the fullness of time.
Wanted: Innovative and Relevant Pastor Needed Immediately
Nazarene Nooz has just posted a pastor job description for an opening at Fairweather Church. See if you qualify...
_____________
Fairweather Church of the Nazarene seeks a senior pastor who is in the top 0.01% of up and coming Nazarene leaders in the USA. You must submit solid references, a detailed track record, and a picture of you with your family.
Please do NOT apply:
--If you are older than 40.
--If you have served at any church for less than three years.
--If your references have no name recognition OR if the name recognition they have is for bookish pursuits like teaching theology or writing books.
--If you are interested in bookish pursuits like teaching theology or reading books.
--If you are a woman OR if you are a man too much acquainted with your feminine side.
--If you have fewer than three children.
--If your wife looks like a ‘before’ picture for one of the extreme makeover shows.
Qualifications:
--Must have experience with transforming an organization from pathetic to powerful using a no-nonsense, head-bashing style of leadership.
--Must be able to project sincerity while demanding the loyalty of those who know better.
--Must be comfortable with giving orders and squashing dissent.
--Must be adept at asking for input and then ignoring it without fostering discontent.
--Must be willing and able to raise most or all of your salary by developing channels of commerce within the church. (day care, preschool, restaurant franchise, resale of items donated as tax write-offs,)
--Must have experience with gradually ‘bleeding’ the bad elements out of a church without making the church anemic.
--Must have at least ten years of experience and a willingness to boast about it.
--Must have been a high school and/or college athlete and be willing to boast about it.
--Must be able to do every conceivable role in a Sunday morning worship service. (so you are not held hostage to the bad elements within the music and/or drama program)
--Must pay lip service to church tradition while seeking to supplant or trivialize it.
--Must sing the praises of the denomination while counting the days till you can fire all of the losers around you.
--Must be able to talk like a post-modernist while being a dyed-in-the-wool modernist.
--Must have at least one psychiatric disorder that makes you more able to work 80-90 obsessive hours per week for the benefit of the church.
--Must be arrogant and opinionated in a humble, Christlike way.
--Must be able to fake it till you make it when in the spotlight.
--Must understand the difference between lying and telling people only as much as they need to know.
About Fairweather:
We are located on the growing edge of a growing community. We are poised to be the Wal-Mart to all the pathetic Mom and Pop churches who still tell people to turn to hymn #212. We are in an affluent community and most of that money is at the lake or the ballparks on Sundays because most churches are so darn boring. We want a pastor who can draw all people unto himself. The church government will be upon his shoulders and he will be called wonderful and a counselor; a prince among pastors. We are praying that, like Moses raised up the snake in the desert, God will raise up a messiah for our community.
If you think you fit this description then you are either sorely deceived, or you are the one whom God will send to us in the fullness of time.
Friday, September 29, 2006
Nickle Creek
By the way, a quick comment about Nickel Creek (who I have to confess, I had never really listened to before Wednesday and was not all that excited about going to see...)
wow.
wow.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Monday, September 25, 2006
Comfortable in my skin
So I have come to a relatively new thought lately. I'm slowly become comfortable in my skin. Now, not literally. In fact, I'm more and more uncomfortable with my weight and what that means. I more and more see it as something deeper than just too many cookies.
But I think I like me more (maybe I can flesh this out more in future posts).
1. I'm more okay with not having all of the answers. More specifically, I'm okay with questions. Ambiguity. Wow that is freeing. Theologically, I would say that I'm conservative. No... I'm not. Yes, I am. No, I'm not. Grrrrrrrrrr!
I don't fit a camp. And you know what? I'm okay with that. I know that Jesus is my God and more and more I think he is the most amazing person -- and my best thought. I understand him more... and less... every day.
2. I'm okay with being the leader I am. I don't have to have all the answers here either. I can just ask the questions. I can be hard on the problem yet not have to defend my particular solution. Freeing.
3. I think I like getting older. I went through kind of a mid-life crisis this year. (I bet I will go through another.) But you know... age really has it advantages.
4. I'm more and more secure in my calling. I'm less and less worried about what others think, particularly my colleagues and supervisors. I feel less and less the need/desire to impress.
I want to write more... but us old guys need our sleep.
More later.
But I think I like me more (maybe I can flesh this out more in future posts).
1. I'm more okay with not having all of the answers. More specifically, I'm okay with questions. Ambiguity. Wow that is freeing. Theologically, I would say that I'm conservative. No... I'm not. Yes, I am. No, I'm not. Grrrrrrrrrr!
I don't fit a camp. And you know what? I'm okay with that. I know that Jesus is my God and more and more I think he is the most amazing person -- and my best thought. I understand him more... and less... every day.
2. I'm okay with being the leader I am. I don't have to have all the answers here either. I can just ask the questions. I can be hard on the problem yet not have to defend my particular solution. Freeing.
3. I think I like getting older. I went through kind of a mid-life crisis this year. (I bet I will go through another.) But you know... age really has it advantages.
4. I'm more and more secure in my calling. I'm less and less worried about what others think, particularly my colleagues and supervisors. I feel less and less the need/desire to impress.
I want to write more... but us old guys need our sleep.
More later.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
What would it be like...
From an email I got this morning about an upcoming church conference...
"From the Pittsburgh Emergent Village Cohort -- Gathering at a former church building converted to a brewery/restaurant, called The Church Brew Works in Pittsburgh, a group of growing friends began to ask the question - What would it look like to simply be the Church – nothing more and nothing less?"
WOW! I can't believe they really asked that question! Man, churches NEVER ask that question! These folks are so faithful to the gospel because they sat in a brewery and had the NERVE to ask the question that NO other church and NO other pastor DARED ask for the last 2000 years! WOW... THEY are so cutting edge. And THEY really want to be the Church! (Unlike those institutional churches that don't really care about being the church... they are just dead...) NO these guys are doing it right.
[Please take a moment to wipe the dripping sarcasm off your screen.]
There is so much pride in the church. I'm sick of churches trying to be hip or cool or to make Jesus seem hip or cool. "Wow, WE are going it right. You've got to have contemporary music, or media or candles... or you've got to be in a house church to be faithful...or you have to be against the institutional church or Contemporary Christian music is stupid... [just fill in the blank]"
Man.. we really need to get over ourselves.
And if I ever write a ministry book and put my face on the front cover... just shoot me.
"From the Pittsburgh Emergent Village Cohort -- Gathering at a former church building converted to a brewery/restaurant, called The Church Brew Works in Pittsburgh, a group of growing friends began to ask the question - What would it look like to simply be the Church – nothing more and nothing less?"
WOW! I can't believe they really asked that question! Man, churches NEVER ask that question! These folks are so faithful to the gospel because they sat in a brewery and had the NERVE to ask the question that NO other church and NO other pastor DARED ask for the last 2000 years! WOW... THEY are so cutting edge. And THEY really want to be the Church! (Unlike those institutional churches that don't really care about being the church... they are just dead...) NO these guys are doing it right.
[Please take a moment to wipe the dripping sarcasm off your screen.]
There is so much pride in the church. I'm sick of churches trying to be hip or cool or to make Jesus seem hip or cool. "Wow, WE are going it right. You've got to have contemporary music, or media or candles... or you've got to be in a house church to be faithful...or you have to be against the institutional church or Contemporary Christian music is stupid... [just fill in the blank]"
Man.. we really need to get over ourselves.
And if I ever write a ministry book and put my face on the front cover... just shoot me.
Saturday, September 16, 2006
"restore gently"
"Live creatively, friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day's out. Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ's law. If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived."
Gal. 6:1-3 (The Message)
"Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself."
Gal. 6:1-3 (NIV)
____________________
Must have been the translation they were using. Maybe I don't understand the Greek; that must be it.
Would my readers look this over and see if it says somewhere, "Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should kick him out on his ass"?
Gal. 6:1-3 (The Message)
"Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself."
Gal. 6:1-3 (NIV)
____________________
Must have been the translation they were using. Maybe I don't understand the Greek; that must be it.
Would my readers look this over and see if it says somewhere, "Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should kick him out on his ass"?
Friday, September 15, 2006
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Monday, September 11, 2006
I've always wanted waterfront property
So I hear that having a house on the water increases the value of the home...
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Broadcast? Nah!
This was sent to the church nursery email account...
"Hi there lovely,
This kind of opportunity comes ones in a life. I don't want to miss it. Do you? I am coming to your place in few days and I thought may be we can meet each other. If you don't mind, I can send you my picture. I am a girl. You can correspond with me using my email at [address removed for this post]"
It's amazing, really.
"Hi there lovely,
This kind of opportunity comes ones in a life. I don't want to miss it. Do you? I am coming to your place in few days and I thought may be we can meet each other. If you don't mind, I can send you my picture. I am a girl. You can correspond with me using my email at [address removed for this post]"
It's amazing, really.
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