Thursday, January 31, 2008

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Perspective

LONDON (Reuters) - Retired hospital porter Steve Smith, who is suffering from a potentially fatal heart defect, won almost 19 million pounds ($38 million) on Britain's National Lottery -- but said he would give it all up if he could spend a few more years living with his wife Ida.

"I have a one in 10 chance of living. It's like a ticking time bomb," said the 58-year-old Smith, enjoying a bittersweet glass of celebratory champagne with his wife Ida.

Smith, who has an aortic aneurysm, told reporters when collecting his check: "It's Ida I worry for, it's leaving her behind. I would give all that back if I am allowed to still be with her because there are no shops in the cemetery are there?"

Smith landed the giant prize with an extra stroke of luck -- the couple stopped off on the way home from a family visit to buy some lucky dip tickets and it was one of those which hit the jackpot.

"He's just mostly dead."

There is a sermon illustration in here somewhere.

Monday, January 28, 2008

sin

"Every sin is the distortion of an energy breathed into us."

CS Lewis

Friday, January 25, 2008

Significance

Do you struggle with significance? Feeling like you're are making a difference? Your level of influence?

In my 40 years of life, I have met people who don't struggle with this or ask these questions. Maybe it is personality, maybe it is career choice, maybe it's maturity... maybe they have "learned to be content in all circumstances." but these people genuinely don't want more.

I do. In SOME ways, I'm very rarely satisfied.

I sometimes think I'm greedy.

Which is funny, because I really don't think of myself as "materialistic" (of course, does anyone?). I'm content with my car, my house, my salary and my stuff. I really don't need the latest and greatest (although I do lust after certain people's iphones.)

I'm greedy for influence.

I want to make a difference. And I'm sure that a lot of my motives are mixed on this... but I think some of them are pure.

As a pastor, I'm constantly bombarded with leadership magazines that tout the "50 most influential pastors" or the "100 fastest growing churches." Today I was flipping through a magazine and came across an article, "The 5 most influential up-and-combing pastors." You've heard my rants before about celebrity pastors But the truth is, I think I want to be one of those.

Now, it's funny. When I'm given recognition or when my colleagues brag on me... I'm honestly uncomfortable with it. (I think) I'm being honest when I say I don't want influence for the perks or status. I guess I want to make as much of a difference in this world as I can.

People say that no one gets to the end of their life and says, "I wish I spent more time at the office." I wholeheartedly agree, of course. I spend a lot of time with my family...not a lot of guilt there. My greatest fear in life is that I will get to the end of it and feel I didn't take enough risks. I didn't dream big enough dreams. I played it safe.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Job posting from Hell

So... if I were to die and go to hell, this is the church I would be leading...

_________________________

Post Date : 1/15/2008
Location :

PASTOR:
Pastor centered congregation, Reformed Church in America, Fishers, IN, 150 in worship, seeks a pastor who enjoys being with people of all ages and backgrounds. Our pastor leads us in worship, preaches, and equips us as followers of Jesus to reach out to our community.

Contact Information:
Christ's Community Church
John DeKam

_______________________

Translation: Church is looking to pay someone to do it all. You are the Dancing Bear. You must lead everything from children's ministry and Senior Citizens. You will plan worship, lead singing, do all he readings, preach (probably Sunday morning, Sunday night and Wednesday night) and don't ask us to do anything because the answer is no. And the offering is after the message so if the message sucks, we won't give.

Sign me up.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

The Best Magician in the World

Okay, so here is an "out-of-the-blue" post. I actually wrote it and saved it as a draft back during my leg surgery. Now, it goes public.

Most of my readers probably know I'm a magician. I have been doing magic since I was five. I used to have doves and rabbits, and I still have several large tricks packed away in my basement to make people appear, disappear and move to random places.

Now, as a magician, I'm rarely (never?) fooled by stage magic. I have never seen an illusion I didn't know how it was done; but that's okay as that is not the point. The point is that I love magic. I love the "show."

So let me chime in.

David Copperfield is the best magician in the world.

Now, if you haven't seen him, you ought to spend some time watching the links I'm providing in the following post. If you have seen him, then in my humble opinion you have seen the best. I have had the good fortune of seeing literally hundreds of magicians live or on TV.

Copperfield is the best, hands down.

Now, why am I writing this? Well, I have a friend who is a music snob. He really knows rock. He owns a recording studio, a coffee shop, what he touches turns to gold. And he knows music. And he says the Beatles were the best band in the world.

I don't like them.

Now, there are a number of reasons for this, which I won't get into right now. But here's the thing... I can't give you a good reason for why I don't like the Beatles other than personal preference. Chris, on the other hand, will tell you they were innovators, used different recording techniques, he will drone on about their musicianship, etc. And he is right. It is pretty much undisputed that the Beatles were the best band ever. Even if I don't personally like them.

David Copperfield is the best magician in the world. Now, don't drone on to me about David Blaine. I know I have been in a "positive post" mood lately, but let me just say this for the record, David Blaine is to magic what the Spice Girls are to music. You may like them, just don't tell anyone who knows anything about music. David Blaine is not a good magician. Yea, he's fair, but he doesn't do anything that any magician worth his salt couldn't do. He just has developed this personality that Gen X and Gen Y (for some reason), like. The street magician. And don't even talk to me about Mr "Mind Freak" Chriss Angel. No thanks.

Now, these guys are fine for what they are. You can even like their style more than Copperfield. But please, don't try to convince anyone the Backstreet Boys are better than the Beatles. And don't try to convince magicians that Blaine and Angel could stand in the same room as Copperfield.

What makes Copperfield great:

1. He is an inventor. He is involved in the creation of most of his illusions on some level. It's the difference between someone who sings, and someone who writes their songs as well. The singer can be really good... but it helps to write.

2. Copperfield is the MASTER of showmanship. Every illusion he preforms is flawless and perfectly timed. Every move is thought out. Every light perfectly placed. Smoke doesn't drift without him knowing where every smoke particle goes. He knows exactly how the crowd will respond when. And trust me, as someone who does magic and speaks before people, etc, this takes a TON of work to pull off. Now, when people criticize Copperfield, it is because of this. But he leaves nothing to chance.

3. Copperfield has done more to promote magic than anyone else alive or dead. He ushered in a new era of magic. Although he was not the first to do a TV special, he certainly opened more doors and make it commercially successful.

4. Copperfield also does amazing closeup magic. He is known for his stage stuff, but he is certainly no slouch when it comes to doing the smaller stuff.

5. Project Magic is pretty cool.

So I'm limited in what I can show you... much of the stuff I really like is not on utube, but...

This first trick is called, Elevator or "Heaven on the 7th Floor" and it is one of my all-time favorite magic tricks. It is one of the best opening illusions you could ever want... a magicians dream. I love the music, the timing and the lighting. (I love how the light seems to push up the curtain at the beginning in an explosion of light.) It is, in my humble opinion, a perfectly executed illusion. (I saw this live and yes, it is just as good live.)

This is the same trick, done by Tobias and Jared.

This is another favorite called origami. I actually did this trick for a while. Copperfield makes it look so smooth.

blade This is just an incredibly unique trick. It is actually a really hard trick for the assistant, and she does it well. I love the way he rides the blade to the top of the illusion. And how the music fits the trick so well, especially when the box splits.

Laser is one of the most original effect in magic and one of the only tricks that involves a "new" principle for magic. It's weird, but I really like it.

Water is what makes Copperfield unique. Okay, it's a levitation. Everyone does this. But he turns it into a show. Fire, smoke, water and a really unique twist to the illusion (the woman wrapping around him) makes this "common" illusion, uncommon. For the record, what I don't like about Copperfield is how his illusions often have a sexual theme... and I think his assistants are always painted in a certain sexual light. Yea, that could be toned down. But I will say this... the assistant from origami has worked with David for 15 years and makes a ton of money. I think he treats his people well.

So this post was a bit off from the normal. Hope it was educational and fun for you.

Now, back to writing about our new theological statements. Now where is that KJV bible?

Guarding faith

"Really, a young Atheist cannot guard his faith too carefully. Dangers lie in wait for him on every side."

C.S. Lewis

No, no, no!

Okay, back to Central's new doctrinal statements. Sort of prompted by Tevor, I too went to the main church website for the author of our new doctrinal statements for Central.

And again, this can't be real. I mean really, can it?

I don't think this guy is sincere, I think he is dilusional. I mean, he is not mentally all there. "KJV, the words spoken by Jesus?" - WHAT?????

But I did find our new doctrinal statement about women. I'm sending this to our Administrative Board for approval next month. I'm sure it will get a warm reception. Let me see, who is on Ad Board? Talinn, Serena, Sandy, Becky....

[insert horse sound]

Still trying to figure out what he is going to do with that whip and bridle. (Proverbs 26:3 )

Monday, January 21, 2008

Moments like these...

You need moments like these to make it through parenting. This picture was taking in my childhood bedroom. It is really strange to see my three-year old-daughter sitting in the same bedroom I sat when I was three.

I have been up with her since at 4:30 am cleaning up vomit... the whole time she is crying how she doesn't want her daddy, she wants her mommy (who is also sick with a cold and I'm trying to serve her by letting her sleep. Also my wife doesn't like vomit all that much... not that any of us do, but I generally take this task from her.) When Laura came down, Lydia gave all her attention to her... I didn't exist anymore. So I put on the caretaker hat again and went to made breakfast for my wife... did some cleaning, etc.

This is my day off.

Now, it's tempting to turn this into an illustration of our relationship with God... as I have learned a lot about God wanting a relationship with us through being a parent. But here are my more raw feelings...

Lydia is definitely a mommy's girl... and where someday that might change, it is really hard now. I work really hard to be a good dad. I try to spend a lot of time with her. I do a lot of stuff for her and with her. So it's hard when she rejects me. Yes, I know she is only three and doesn't know any better, but it's still hard.

I think the deeper issue here is that I sometimes feel I'm at the bottom of everyone's priority list. (And for the record, this sounds a lot more pathetic than it really is, as I guess that most everyone feels this way at times. But this IS my blog -- kind of an journal for me -- so I tend to be more raw and in the moment). But my job requires me to give, and to serve, and to listen...etc... my role as a husband and dad the same. As a dad, I often feel that I give a lot more than I get back at this stage... which honestly was not how I imagined it would be. (My wife certainly does not feel this way. She gets a lot positive strokes from being a parent. Lots of "I love yous," cute moments, and stuff like that. Parenting is very fulfilling to her at this time.)

And, for as much as we both know it's not the way it's supposed to be, the reality is that my wife's primary attention goes to Lydia as well at this stage of Lydia's life. I often feel that Lydia is a priority over me. We both "know" this is not the way it should be... especially long term... but it makes sense: Lydia is 3 -- and if she needs something, she needs someone to get it for her. I guess I can take care of myself. But this really makes me face my self-centeredness.

Here is the point: When I was single, I always imagined that marriage was primarily about companionship. That if I was married, I would never feel alone again and I would have that "special someone" who always put me first. To a MUCH lesser degree, I felt this way about becoming a parent as well (although I was much less naive about this one). I figured that being a dad would mean someone who would always think I was the greatest (at least until she became a teenager!).

And in a perfect world without sin, that may be the case. But in THIS world, marriage and parenting become tools that God uses to make us holy. To teach us patience. (And yes, even to show us His love and grace at times.) So the primary outcome is not that I get attention from Lydia... or even Laura... the primary outcome is that God uses marriage and parenting to refine me. And the companionship piece... or the warm fuzzies... is secondary. A nice bonus if it happens.

______

I have been working on these thoughts off and on throughout the day. This evening, I was sitting on my couch (actually writing this post) and Lydia walked over to me, gave me this very cute "can I climb into your lap" look, and climbed into my lap. She snuggled into me... let out a sigh and gave me a little kiss. I almost hit the delete button on this post, but these feelings are still real and they are still there and they are still a part of who I am at this stage of my life. But a glimpse of grace is always nice.

Friday, January 18, 2008

I love my job but...

A 17 hour workday is a bit excessive.

Starting the clock at 6pm Saturday night, I've worked 70+ hours this week.

Which is not bad... except that this is only Thursday (oops...it's Friday).

And I took the entire day Tuesday off.

And I have a full schedule all day tomorrow from 7:30 until 6 pm.

And all day Saturday from 10:30 until 8 pm.

And then there is Sunday morning.

But Sunday afternoon... you will not find me.

Until Tuesday.

TGIM

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

In honor of our Revelation series... the Number of the Beast















We all know that 666 is the Number of the Beast. But did you know:

· $665.95......................Retail price of the Beast
· $699.25......................Price of the Beast plus 5% sales tax
· $769.95......................Price of the Beast with all accessories and replacement soul
· $656.66......................Walmart price of the Beast
· $646.66......................Next week's Walmart price of the Beast
· 00666.........................Zip code of the Beast
· 1-666 .........................Area code of the Beast
· 1-900-666-0666 ............ Live Beasts! Call Now! Only $6.66/minute.
· 670............................Approximate number of the Beast
· DCLXVI.....................Roman numeral of the Beast
· 666.0000.....................Number of the High Precision Beast
· 0.666 .........................Number of the Millibeast
· / 666 ..........................Beast Common Denominator
· 666 ^ (-1).....................Imaginary number of the Beast
· 1010011010..................Binary of the Beast
· Phillips 666..................Gasoline of the Beast
· $6.66 9/10....................Price of a Beast gasoline
· Route 666....................Way of the Beast
· 666 F.........................Oven temperature for roast Beast
· 666k..........................Retirement plan of the Beast
· 6.66%........................5 year CD rate at First Beast National Bank, $666 minimum deposit.
· i66686........................CPU of the Beast
· 666i .......................... BMW of the Beast
· DSM-666.....................Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the Beast
· 668............................Next-door neighbor of the Beast
· 666 mg........................Recommended Minimum Daily Requirement of Beast
· Lotus 6-6-6...................Spreadsheet of the Beast
· Word 6.66....................Word Processor of the Beast
· 6 h. 66 min....................Beast Standard Time (BST)
· Boeng 666....................."A jet for the Beast Age"
· Beverly Hills 66666..........Beast's favorite TV show
· 6/6/66..........................The birthdate of the Beast
· 666-66-6666..................The Social Security number of the Beast
· 6666............................The PIN of the Beast
· 25.806975.....................The square root of the Beast
· Motel 666......................Beast Western
· Windows 96 ver.666.........OS of the Beast

New Doctrinal Statement for Central

To heck with the Apolstles Creed! Down with vision statments! I have discovered the PERFECT doctrinal statment for Central!

"As you can see, we are truly as King James Only as one can be!"

Oh my. But it gets better! Other quotes:

"I don't believe nor will I preach supporting the Great Commission."

...

"We don't preach Jesus' teachings unless they are through Paul."

...

"As an added bonus, please note that I am a former music teacher and have written and preached many sermons on the crumbling of music in our churches today. We sing the old hymns - we will sing no modern wishy washy cartoon oriented fableistic spiritual songs and will sing a few Psalms properly, as we learn of them.

In fact, I doubt you can talk me into having your family sing or have you or your wife sing or play any specials. I would be glad to tell all the particulars to that statement when you are here, but suffice it to say, if you are bringing along a music ministry with you, you probably won't be able to present it here - ESPECIALLY if you are from the South, North, East or Western part of this country. It seems that God's praises are being polluted in all parts of our country today."

...

"We love guns - we use guns - we shoot guns - we carry guns - the pulpit has a loaded one all ready for post-911 use. If that bothers you, get one and try it - you may like it. We even have a few "Preach-n-Shoots" throughout the year - you are welcome to inquire about them. A full day of preaching, shooting, eating and fellowship - can it get any better than that? Well, yes it can, but for now, this works for us!"

...

Okay, this HAS to be a joke, right?

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Saturday, January 12, 2008

A hermeneutical problem

The prayer a mother will never forget (as told by the mom): 

"This particular Sunday the minister began, 'Dear Lord,' with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. 'Without you, we are but dust.'

He would have continued but at that very moment my very obedient daughter (who was listening!) leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, 'Mom, what is butt dust?'"


Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Strippers, Jesus and the city of Athens

VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS POST, LIKE ANY OTHER POST ON THIS BLOG, DO NOT, IN ANY WAY, REPRESENT ANY OFFICIAL POSITION OF THE ORGANIZATION OF WHICH I AM A PART. [Also, please note I'm writing this referring to women stripping for men. I fully realize that men also strip and that woman have a reaction to stripping that may be the same or different than a man's reaction. Also, I fully realize that I'm only one man, and therefore do not speak for all males.]

So, it might not be news to any of you, but there is a strip club petitioning to come to Athens. The plan is to move into the old, "New-To-You" building on Stimpson, across from China Fortune. I'm sure Sandy is overwhelmed with joy. (That was sarcasm if you couldn't tell.)

Now, for those of you who know me well, you know I'm not into the, "I'm against this!" brand of Christianity. I think protesting against stuff is easy and shows little creativity. It also doesn't seem to be the primary MO of Jesus. But I have already gotten several phone calls, letters and requests to picket the city building and write letters to important people... bla, bla, bla. And I'm not sure of my reaction to all of that at this point... and some of it may even hold value in this case.

But, just so you know... just to make it clear: I'm against a strip club in Athens.

Totally.

I'm not against it JUST because I'm a pastor, or even because I'm a Christian (although my faith certainly informs my values). I'm against it because I'm human. And I'm a part of the human family. And there is something about objectifying people that makes people (in my opinion) less than fully human.

So, seeing I haven't written a blog post in a while, it's time to let it fly. Here are some of the many reasons I don't think a strip club should move to Athens (or anywhere else for that matter).

1. I don't buy the idea that stripping is somehow "empowering to women."

Okay, so I've heard that line all my adult life... and I just don't buy it, sorry. I don't buy it because I'm a guy, and I know how guys think. I don't buy it because it runs against what history has shown us. I don't buy it because it runs against what I believe it means for us to be made in the image of God. And whether or not a woman or man is a believer, I believe we are all made in God's image... even if we don't acknowledge it.

2. I believe stripping (or pornography) causes a person to compartmentalize another person.

The objectified person is not seen as a whole person. No one, while looking at a stripper, is asking themselves, "Gosh, I wonder what her hopes and dreams are for the future and how can I help her become all that God intends?"

3. I don't buy the "you can't legislate morality" line.

Sorry if this offends you... I'm sure this will offend some... but I think that is stupid, bumper-sticker-logic. (So please don't use that line around me if you are tying to persuade me, as honestly, I will most likely just write you off as someone who doesn't think all that deeply.) Every law is, by definition, a legislation of morality. That's what laws are. Laws say what we will, and will not accept as a community.

Now, I believe it IS true that laws don't change the heart. So, a quick exception to the above "write you off rule" -- if that is what you mean when you use that phrase, than great! Laws don't (necessarily/automatically/always) change people's heart. It may even be true that laws can't change or deter behavior (the anti-capital punishment argument). 

But laws DO say what behavior we accept and reject as a society... and that if you are doing that behavior, we find it "unacceptable" (and in that way, "immoral.") They legislate what we see as moral, almost by definition.

4. I don't think strip clubs help make a community the kind of community in which I want to live. Having a daughter, I think about this a lot more than I used to, but I have always found myself asking, "Does a strip club help in the formation of community? When men leave a strip club, do they leave wanting to enter into a fully-orbed relationship with the women around them? Do they really now see them as equal community members? Really?"

5. Honestly (and this is a lame reason) but a strip club just does not seem very "Athens-like." Yes, I know we have college students, but really...come on! Is this what we want? When you think "Athens," do you really think "Ah yes... strip club?" (Well, people often think, "Halloween party!" so maybe.)

POLITICAL ALERT (and I can't believe I'm going to say this on a public forum): For the record, I'm very disappointed at Paul Wiehl's reaction (or non reaction) to this petition. I like Paul. I like him a lot as a person as well. I would go so far as to say I respect him. As our new mayor, I honestly just expected more. At this point, I think he is being spineless and is not acting like the leader I was hoping he would be for Athens. I'm just very disappointed.

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPHS CONTAIN THOUGHTS THAT MAY SURPRISE SOME OF YOU THAT A PASTOR MIGHT ACTUALLY THINK. YOU ARE WARNED. IF YOU WANT TO HOLD TO THE UNREALISTIC IDEAL THAT PASTORS ARE PERFECT, PLEASE STOP READING!

Okay, you've been warned.

Really, it's not too late to turn back!

Okay, too late.

I like naked women. I think (in part) because God wired me that way (and granted, in part, because that wiring has been corrupted by the fall.) I think female bodies are beautiful. And, like most guys (and I know you women don't believe this, but it's true), despite what Hollywood is telling you, I think most men have a very wide range of what we find attractive. Have ANY of those women take off their clothes and dance in front of us... and we will want to look.

Sorry if that disappoints you all. I'm being honest.

I say that because I don't write this post looking down on men who want to go to strip clubs. I certainly don't see them as "evil perverts" (a phrase from a letter I have read). As men, we want to look at naked women. Even if we don't, we want to.

But here are the other truths: truths I have found much more compelling:

I have found that whenever I allow myself to objectify a women, I make her into something less than I TRUELY BELIEVE she is in God's eyes. AND, I make her into something less than I truly want her to be in my eyes as well.

I struggled with porn a lot in college. (Okay, there wasn't much of a struggle!) I found that when I looked at women after looking at porn, I saw something less. There is no other way to say it. It took me many years to break free from that bondage. But now, I think I see more in women than I used to see. Sure, I still notice beauty. Sure, I still can notice that a woman is physically attractive... but it is no longer consuming or the first thing I notice. And women are now more to me. They are co-image bearers of the image of God.

As a dad, I want to live in a community that looks at women the way I want men looking at my daughter when she is older. 

Most of all, as a husband and dad, I want to love my wife the way Christ loved the Church. I want to "give myself up for her." Part of that "self" I need to give up is the broken, sinful part of me that keeps me from being the kind of man I want to be... that I'm created to be. I want my wife to be the sole receiver of those "looks" (and believe me, she gets a lot of them!). I want to guard my heart and offer her, and only her, that part of me that God created as good... but the enemy wants to exploit and tell us is bad. That part that God created for her and me, but the enemy wants to exploit and say that it is for anyone and everyone.

I think a strip club will make us less human. Less real. Less alive. I think there is a better life available.



Thursday, January 03, 2008

12 Days of Christmas

I'm not sure most people know this, but the Christmas season actually doesn't start in October as the retailers tell us. Christmas starts on... ah... Christmas. Then there are 12 days of celebration and gift giving that lead to Epiphany. Hence, the song, "The Twelve Days of Christmas."

So... a bit more Christmas cheer while all my neighbors all put their Christmas decorations back in the box until next October.

We will be leaving ours up for a while. Merry Christmas!

Thanks to MJ

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Happy New Year!

I have a wonderful wife, great daughter; I pastor the best church in the world. I have some great friends... many whom actually read this blog. I consider myself blessed. Happy New Year.