dizzy

I've been struggling lately with dizziness. I had a bunch of test done and the best they can determine is that my blood pressure is high pretty consistently.

I've never been good at self care. Truth is, I've always been overweight. My tendency is to always put other people's needs before mine. I have a somewhat stressful job and I stress eat. There have been seasons of my life where I have exercised pretty regularly, but not lately. Really, this past year or so has been exceptionally bad in terms of self care and this has been especially true lately, on multiple levels.

So my doctor put me on blood pressure medication while I try to bring it down naturally. Honestly, I feel like a failure. I feel really, really old. Defeated. For some reason this doesn't feel motivating to me ("Wow, now I really need to make those changes!"), but more of a nail in the coffin. It has had a profoundly negative effect on my self perception. So yeah.

All of this could be a really long blog post. One that is probably a lot more personal than I want to make it, so that is pretty much it for now.

Except to say that I found the #1 side effect of the blood pressure meds very humorous:

Dizziness.

Mindset list for 2008

This list always makes me feel really old. Incoming students this year were born in 1990. Wow. You will appreciate the power of that "wow" when you hit 40.

Age

So I have had some meetings this week with folks in which I was keenly aware of how old I was. And this is not an, "I feel old post," this is a, "man, I remember when I thought like that" post.

It's funny how much time gives you perspective on issues.

Things that used to bother me that now don't.

Situations where I used to know it all... and now realize how little I knew.

It's tough being in a town where the majority of people are 1/2 your age... but you know... I think there are some advantages to age.