"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."

CS Lewis

dizzy

I've been struggling lately with dizziness. I had a bunch of test done and the best they can determine is that my blood pressure is high pretty consistently.

I've never been good at self care. Truth is, I've always been overweight. My tendency is to always put other people's needs before mine. I have a somewhat stressful job and I stress eat. There have been seasons of my life where I have exercised pretty regularly, but not lately. Really, this past year or so has been exceptionally bad in terms of self care and this has been especially true lately, on multiple levels.

So my doctor put me on blood pressure medication while I try to bring it down naturally. Honestly, I feel like a failure. I feel really, really old. Defeated. For some reason this doesn't feel motivating to me ("Wow, now I really need to make those changes!"), but more of a nail in the coffin. It has had a profoundly negative effect on my self perception. So yeah.

All of this could be a really long blog post. One that is probably a lot more personal than I want to make it, so that is pretty much it for now.

Except to say that I found the #1 side effect of the blood pressure meds very humorous:

Dizziness.

Hearing God

"I truly believe that the onslaught of social media, constant barrage of text messages, unlimited interruptions by email and the perpetual buzzing of a cell phone…has created such a wall of sound in our lives…that we can no longer can hear from God. In the 21st Century the quest for food is no longer the driving force that pulls us from our quest for God. What pulls us from our quest for God is the quest for…connectivity. We get distracted from connecting with God to connect with our families through texting, our friends through Facebook and the world through Twitter. We allow our churches to pay for retreats, conferences and events for us to connect with God…yet commit the sin of poor stewardship by spending the entire time with our thumbs flailing on the smartphone keyboard. We stand in the pulpit and declare that God has given us a vision and word…yet we never actually hear it because we fail to shut off the computer, smartphone, e-reader or electronic tablet. We lay awake in fear at night worrying if we are leading our congregations down the wrong road…but not in enough fear to block out the beeps, buzzes, ring tones and pop-up screens."

Chris Elrod