My appointment as pastor coincided with the church's appeal for aid for victims of a hurricane.
Unfortunately, on my first Sunday in the church, the center page of the church bulletin was accidentally omitted.
So members of the congregation read from the bottom of the second page to the top of the last page: "Welcome to the Rev. Andrew Jensen and his family...the worst disaster to hit the area in this century. The full extent of the tragedy is not yet known."
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Thursday, May 04, 2006
What's up with that?
So it's Thursday night and I'm taking out my garbage as I do every Thursday night. I walk innocently to the mailbox to get the mail... and what do I find but a GRADUATION ANNOUNCEMENT FOR KAREN.
From High School no less!
What's up with that! She is only 8! I remember meeting her... we were standing in the hall at Central.
What the %$#& are they doing letting an 8-year-old graduate from High School! Something is not right about that and I for one am NOT going to take it!
[Looks over at 20-month-old daughter sleeping]
"God, teach me to number my days aright..."
From High School no less!
What's up with that! She is only 8! I remember meeting her... we were standing in the hall at Central.
What the %$#& are they doing letting an 8-year-old graduate from High School! Something is not right about that and I for one am NOT going to take it!
[Looks over at 20-month-old daughter sleeping]
"God, teach me to number my days aright..."
Sunday, April 30, 2006
Not that I have hundreds of readers anymore...
I want to send my readers to another blog. I've been reading this guy for a while now...I'm curious, what do you think of SAM's post?
Faith Healers: It would be funnier if it wasn't so true...
During a revival meeting, a faith healer asked the people in line what they needed. One man's request was for his hearing.
The healer determed it was a demon of deafness, so spit on his finger, put it in the man's ear, and yelled, "In the name of Jeeezus... come out."
He held out the microphone asked him, "How's your hearing now?"
The man said, "I don't know - it's next Tuesday."
The healer determed it was a demon of deafness, so spit on his finger, put it in the man's ear, and yelled, "In the name of Jeeezus... come out."
He held out the microphone asked him, "How's your hearing now?"
The man said, "I don't know - it's next Tuesday."
Friday, April 28, 2006
My kind of joke...
Little Nancy was in the garden filling a hole, when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the girl was doing, he asked,"What are you up to Nancy?"
"My goldfish died today," replied Nancy tearfully without looking up...."and I've just buried him."
The neighbor laughed and said condescendingly, "That's a really big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Little Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and replied, "That's because he's inside your cat!"
"My goldfish died today," replied Nancy tearfully without looking up...."and I've just buried him."
The neighbor laughed and said condescendingly, "That's a really big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Little Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and replied, "That's because he's inside your cat!"
Alarm
I heard a pastor this weekend give a sermon that talked about the difference between worry and alarm: Worry being chronic, alarm being the thing the propels you to action.
Well, on the morning we were supposed to go to my wife's neurology appointment followup, my daughter just decided to start screaming. Not a "I'm cranky, pay attention to me" scream, but a "my arm's being cut off" scream. We tried all the normal things to calm her down and distract her... but after an hour we took her to Urgent Care. Urgent Care had a two hour wait... makes me wonder why they call it "urgent care" and not "sometime when we get around to it" care.
We still have no idea what happened...she is better now... but life is full of "alarm."
Well, on the morning we were supposed to go to my wife's neurology appointment followup, my daughter just decided to start screaming. Not a "I'm cranky, pay attention to me" scream, but a "my arm's being cut off" scream. We tried all the normal things to calm her down and distract her... but after an hour we took her to Urgent Care. Urgent Care had a two hour wait... makes me wonder why they call it "urgent care" and not "sometime when we get around to it" care.
We still have no idea what happened...she is better now... but life is full of "alarm."
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Fun with Hebrew
I'm not a big Tom Cruise fan.... so I think this is hilarious. Actually, it's hilarious even if you LIKE Tom Cruise... which you probably don't.
"Why didn't you just go back to your ancestors' language, and call the kid 'Scram Cruise?'"
"Why didn't you just go back to your ancestors' language, and call the kid 'Scram Cruise?'"
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
It's not like I didn't have the opportunity...
Tomorrow I will be 14,180 days old.
It's funny to think of it that way. I've had 14,180 sunrises/sunsets to watch. 14,180 days to grow, think, reflect about life. I have changed... actually, I have grown a lot. I don't say that arrogantly, but I have learned sometimes hard lessons and now live/think differently because of them. I worry less, trust more, think more about others than I used to (I was too busy thinking about myself.) And I'm not as concerned with my image and what others think of me... and more concerned about what God thinks of me.
But man... you would think that with 14,180 days I would be further along by now!
Just fyi, you can find out how many days old you are and share your reflection on this question:
What is the more important lesson you have learned in your days?
"Teach us to number our days aright, so that we may gain a heart of wisdom."
It's funny to think of it that way. I've had 14,180 sunrises/sunsets to watch. 14,180 days to grow, think, reflect about life. I have changed... actually, I have grown a lot. I don't say that arrogantly, but I have learned sometimes hard lessons and now live/think differently because of them. I worry less, trust more, think more about others than I used to (I was too busy thinking about myself.) And I'm not as concerned with my image and what others think of me... and more concerned about what God thinks of me.
But man... you would think that with 14,180 days I would be further along by now!
Just fyi, you can find out how many days old you are and share your reflection on this question:
What is the more important lesson you have learned in your days?
"Teach us to number our days aright, so that we may gain a heart of wisdom."
Monday, April 17, 2006
"Blessed are the Peacemakers"
Tonight my wife and I had mdog over to have dinner and watch a movie... and her true nature comes out.
Quote from mdog to bloggingpaul... "We need to get you a new injury."
Quote from mdog to bloggingpaul... "We need to get you a new injury."
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Cosmic Alignment
On Wednesday of this week, at two minutes and three seconds after 1 a.m., the time and date will be 01:02:03 04/05/06.
That won't ever happen again.
You may now return to your (normal ?) life.
That won't ever happen again.
You may now return to your (normal ?) life.
Quote of the month...
An actual conversation between my wife and me as I try to talk her into letting me break my lenten fast...
Me: (teasing) "I mean, maybe I'm just being legalistic here!"
Her: (teasing back) "Isn't legalism just a word we use to describe other people who are more obedient than us?"
She is a pretty sharp cookie. I like her.
Me: (teasing) "I mean, maybe I'm just being legalistic here!"
Her: (teasing back) "Isn't legalism just a word we use to describe other people who are more obedient than us?"
She is a pretty sharp cookie. I like her.
Friday, March 31, 2006
it's friday!
I did that for mdog.
Weekends are strange for me. Being a pastor, there is very little "Thank God it's Friday" going on. And despite the cartoons, there is no "Thank God it's Monday" as Monday my wife works and, to be honest, I'm still emotionally recovering. For those who have never done it before, there is something about preaching that is exhilarating and draining at the same time.
But my life has very little rhythm to it. My job does not allow a lot of structure. Some of that is great... some of that is lousy. I don't think I work longer than most (40-60 hours a week), but the hours are strange. And NEVER the same from week to week, and often times, not very predictable. (You can't plan a funeral, an emotional crisis, or even a lot of counseling.)
I have a friend who is now working Sundays. That must suck. Now, I think he took this on himself as he is working at least two jobs... and this allowed him to re-arrange his schedule... but that would still suck. Maybe it doesn't bother him, but it would bug me.
It's a beautiful day. Yesterday I spent a couple of hours with a friend and we walked The Ridges. ALL of The Ridges. It was tiring, but exhilarating at the same time. (Isn't it funny how life is like that?) See, an example of my schedule. I could take a couple of hours out of my day and walk.
So all of this rambling is that last night I felt like an absentee husband and father. I got home last night and really missed my wife. We tried to connect but I went to bed feeling really distant. I'm betting she did as well. I still feel out of it... but I need to leave as I have an appointment at 7:30. I was hoping this post would clear my mind... but I'm not sure it helped all that much. And you may have waisted a couple of minutes of your life as well. Sorry.
Weekends are strange for me. Being a pastor, there is very little "Thank God it's Friday" going on. And despite the cartoons, there is no "Thank God it's Monday" as Monday my wife works and, to be honest, I'm still emotionally recovering. For those who have never done it before, there is something about preaching that is exhilarating and draining at the same time.
But my life has very little rhythm to it. My job does not allow a lot of structure. Some of that is great... some of that is lousy. I don't think I work longer than most (40-60 hours a week), but the hours are strange. And NEVER the same from week to week, and often times, not very predictable. (You can't plan a funeral, an emotional crisis, or even a lot of counseling.)
I have a friend who is now working Sundays. That must suck. Now, I think he took this on himself as he is working at least two jobs... and this allowed him to re-arrange his schedule... but that would still suck. Maybe it doesn't bother him, but it would bug me.
It's a beautiful day. Yesterday I spent a couple of hours with a friend and we walked The Ridges. ALL of The Ridges. It was tiring, but exhilarating at the same time. (Isn't it funny how life is like that?) See, an example of my schedule. I could take a couple of hours out of my day and walk.
So all of this rambling is that last night I felt like an absentee husband and father. I got home last night and really missed my wife. We tried to connect but I went to bed feeling really distant. I'm betting she did as well. I still feel out of it... but I need to leave as I have an appointment at 7:30. I was hoping this post would clear my mind... but I'm not sure it helped all that much. And you may have waisted a couple of minutes of your life as well. Sorry.
Monday, March 27, 2006
And while I'm at it...
will someone redesign Apple's web site? I would like to be able to find things...
man, I sound like a real grouch... I'm really a nice guy.
Okay, maybe not.
man, I sound like a real grouch... I'm really a nice guy.
Okay, maybe not.
Okay, so I'm not impressed with Apple
So those of you who known me for over a year know that when I got my Apple Powerbook I was overjoyed. I could not brag enough about it. So now I need some help... it seems to be running slowly... and I can't tell you how UNDERwhelmed I am with Apple Care and technical support. The Apple store in Columbus tells me I need to call Apple Care. Apple Care tells me I need to make a reservation with a "Mac Genius" in the Colubus store...and the process is a pain. And so far, the people have been pretty rude.
I'm really, really not impressed.
So Thursday I go to Columbus and meet with my "Mac Genius." Well, I don't know that because you can't make a reservation until THAT DAY. OR I can pay and join a group that allows you to make a reservation a week in advance... of course I already paid $250 for Apple Care. And you have to do that at the store.
Did I say I'm not impressed with Apple? I'm really, really not impressed.
Okay, so the customer service better shine on Thursday or Apple will lose a big fan. And a repeat customer.
Whatever happened to nice people?
I'm really, really not impressed.
So Thursday I go to Columbus and meet with my "Mac Genius." Well, I don't know that because you can't make a reservation until THAT DAY. OR I can pay and join a group that allows you to make a reservation a week in advance... of course I already paid $250 for Apple Care. And you have to do that at the store.
Did I say I'm not impressed with Apple? I'm really, really not impressed.
Okay, so the customer service better shine on Thursday or Apple will lose a big fan. And a repeat customer.
Whatever happened to nice people?
Friday, March 24, 2006
Why?
God, why do people have to live like this when I have so much?
Wait, don't answer that question.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Is there a solution?
I just read about a guy in Batavia who shot a 15 year old boy for walking on his lawn. Wow. What do you do with this? No sane person would do this right? But is it enough to just say, "Not guilty by reason of insanity?"
So I wonder if "they guy who lived alone" had had a community of people who loved and visited him and stopped in and checked on him... who talked with him about his lawn concerns...I wonder if the story would have been different? And where are those people? I mean, I barely have enough time for my life it seems... but...
Wow.
So I wonder if "they guy who lived alone" had had a community of people who loved and visited him and stopped in and checked on him... who talked with him about his lawn concerns...I wonder if the story would have been different? And where are those people? I mean, I barely have enough time for my life it seems... but...
Wow.
Monday, March 20, 2006
Sunday, March 19, 2006
Naps
Naps are one of the greatest inventions yet. I'm guessing all my readers have tried this amazing innovation, but if not... I have a simple question: What the @#$@ do you have to do that is more important? I mean, really? Not work I hope. You can't be that important that you have to work every day, right? I guess you could just lay around, but that is pretty close to napping so you might as well just shut your eyes for an hour or two.
Do you think God sat around one day and said, "You know, I think on Sunday afternoons I'm just going to flip this switch and they will all sleep -- that way I can get some shut eye too!" If I were God, I think I would arrange that. Fortunately for all involved, I'm not.
Are you SURE that isn't happening? I mean, how would you know? You are sleeping! Maybe you only THINK others are awake. And maybe when you shut down, God turns off the sun too (or at least powers it down). He sends out the night janitor team to walk through your brain and sweep out all the stuff that needs cleaned out. Polishes up the brass. Changes bulbs.
"On the seventh day God rested from all of His work."
This was a good idea.
Do you think God sat around one day and said, "You know, I think on Sunday afternoons I'm just going to flip this switch and they will all sleep -- that way I can get some shut eye too!" If I were God, I think I would arrange that. Fortunately for all involved, I'm not.
Are you SURE that isn't happening? I mean, how would you know? You are sleeping! Maybe you only THINK others are awake. And maybe when you shut down, God turns off the sun too (or at least powers it down). He sends out the night janitor team to walk through your brain and sweep out all the stuff that needs cleaned out. Polishes up the brass. Changes bulbs.
"On the seventh day God rested from all of His work."
This was a good idea.
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Scare...faith... mystery...
I just got back from the hospital an hour ago. Earlier this evening, my wife was working out and passed out... they reported she had a seizure (although she has no memory of the event). She, apparently, is fine. They did a bunch of blood work and other tests. (Actual quote from the doctor: "We did a CT scan of her brain and we found nothing.")
It's funny. When I found out, the first thing I did was call a some friends who had walked with us through some really hard times previously. I wanted them to pray for us. I guess I could be down on myself... the first thing i did WASN'T pray myself... I wanted others to pray. Maybe that is a sign of a weakness in my faith... or maybe a sign of a need for one another... who knows. But I knew God was with us... again... no matter what happened on this particular leg of the journey.
But tonight brought up all kinds of insecurity in me again. Maybe tore open some scabs that I thought had healed over. I guess healing takes a long time. Maybe I have not really recovered from all that happened surrounding the birth of my daughter.
So...strange twist to the story.
I had taken my daughter shopping when my wife went to work out. It was really strange, but when my daughter and I were driving back from shopping, at some point, out of the blue, I just got really depressed. I actually started crying uncontrollably, so much so that I almost had to pull of the side of the road. I could not figure out why, or what brought it on. When I got to the house, my wife called to tell me she was in the emergency room. I called the fitness center to see what had happened and, from my best calculations, she had passed out right when the darkness hit me. Strange I know, but I think there is a lot more mystery to this world than I believed 10 years ago.
I'm going to try to go to bed.
Thank you God for giving me, even just another day with the woman I love. I promise you now, as I have promised you in the past, that I will continue to love her and cherish her as Christ loved the church. I pray you would give me long life... not for my sake, but so that I can love my wife even that much longer, and that much better. I will continue to lay down my life for her. I'm so blessed and thankful to you... my Rock and my Redeemer. You have truly given me far more than I could ever have asked or imagined.
It's funny. When I found out, the first thing I did was call a some friends who had walked with us through some really hard times previously. I wanted them to pray for us. I guess I could be down on myself... the first thing i did WASN'T pray myself... I wanted others to pray. Maybe that is a sign of a weakness in my faith... or maybe a sign of a need for one another... who knows. But I knew God was with us... again... no matter what happened on this particular leg of the journey.
But tonight brought up all kinds of insecurity in me again. Maybe tore open some scabs that I thought had healed over. I guess healing takes a long time. Maybe I have not really recovered from all that happened surrounding the birth of my daughter.
So...strange twist to the story.
I had taken my daughter shopping when my wife went to work out. It was really strange, but when my daughter and I were driving back from shopping, at some point, out of the blue, I just got really depressed. I actually started crying uncontrollably, so much so that I almost had to pull of the side of the road. I could not figure out why, or what brought it on. When I got to the house, my wife called to tell me she was in the emergency room. I called the fitness center to see what had happened and, from my best calculations, she had passed out right when the darkness hit me. Strange I know, but I think there is a lot more mystery to this world than I believed 10 years ago.
I'm going to try to go to bed.
Thank you God for giving me, even just another day with the woman I love. I promise you now, as I have promised you in the past, that I will continue to love her and cherish her as Christ loved the church. I pray you would give me long life... not for my sake, but so that I can love my wife even that much longer, and that much better. I will continue to lay down my life for her. I'm so blessed and thankful to you... my Rock and my Redeemer. You have truly given me far more than I could ever have asked or imagined.
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