Last week, I spent several days in Colorado. I thought I was going there for a wedding of a good friend, but I think God's purposes might have been a bit bigger. To be honest, the first few days were somewhat of a drag. I was stuck in a hotel room with no Internet or movie channel (which were both supposed to be included), and a pair of men's underwear (which I can only assume were NOT supposed to be included). Of the people I knew, I was the only male. On top of that, I'm a pastor... and nobody wants to party with a pastor.
An aside... pastors are human too and like to have fun.
So while the women were having their late-night slumber parties (having pillow fights in their underwear... which is what ALL women do at slumber parties, right?), I sat in my room and... well... wrote sermons.
An aside... pastors get sick of writing sermons.
There is so much to reflect on from the week, but as a good friend has said, "What happens in Denver, stays in Denver." Which is not nearly as secretive as it sounds (we didn't do anything immoral)... it is just fun to say.
First, I stand by my recent post about the importance of going deep with people. Obviously, you don't want to go deep all the time... people get sick of that... but I found my best conversations with several people where when we let our guard down and didn't talk about industrial lubricant.
I met an amazing guy who was going to be a youth pastor. He was hurt by the some stuff and subsequently never darkened the door of a church for almost 30 years. Although he is a little rough around the edges, we hit it off instantly. I felt like I could hang out with him for hours at a time... hypothetically speaking... in a bar listening to blues and talking about life. I wish he lived in Athens.
I also met an amazing women who, despite losing her mom and dad, is so full of life and Jesus that I was often overwhelmed. She is one of the most interesting women I have ever met... and that is saying a lot. She knows more about the Old Testament than I would ever dream of knowing. She is fun, exciting, caring... a bit blunt (which I loved)... and one hell of a driver.
I also "met" a friend I thought I knew. I saw a side to her that I have never seen... and I really liked. It was an open, vulnerable... and very real side. I respected her before... I respect her even more now. She is a godly women who has a whole lot going for her.
Now...for the rant...
Women.
That's right; Women.
I thought I had you figured out. I really did. I consider myself pretty relationally intelligent. I know people. I'm very intuitive. But guys... just so you know... you don't have them figured out.
You really don't.
No, no. I know you THINK you might, but you don't.
Women are very complex.
Women analyze everything.
They read into stuff that I would never, ever, consider reading into.
And that causes them a lot of undue pain. Largely because men are sometimes jerks.
We don't know it. We don't always mean to act like jerks. We don't even know we are acting like jerks. But being a jerk is very deep in the fallen nature of men. We often just think about us. We are selfish.
Now, I realize women are selfish too... but that doesn't excuse us being selfish.
So I'm going to try to be less of a Jerk and I would urge all my male friends to do that same.
"Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others."
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4 comments:
hey, i wanted to party with you. i was just busy, what with the pillowfighting, and all. but i did end up partying with you, eventually. and introducing you to some pretty neat people. you are one cool, party-tastic pastor and i'm glad i know you.
and, yes, i think God's purposes were far bigger than our own. i will never forget all the thought-provoking conversations with so many people throughout that week.
also, i will agree with your assessment of men and women. i thought the over-analyzation thing was common knowledge. little did i know.
I've already over-analyzed this post.
“Women read into everything”? Just what are you trying to say, Paul??? That you don’t like it when women think critically? Would you like us all to be simple minded and compliant? Perhaps you just don’t like your stupidity pointed out to you. LOL ;-) Sorry, Paul, that was too good to pass up.
I’m really glad you and mdog had such a good time out in Denver. Isn’t it amazing when you think you you’re doing something for one reason, only to see that God had other more marvelous plans?
The women overanalyze everything rant is interesting because I don’t see that as being true for myself in quite the way you mean.....I attribute most of my analytical nature to philosophy, not something I have qua woman, but perhaps that is not really the case. It’s hard to pinpoint the causes for certain fundamental personality traits.
I do think that philosophy has altered whatever reading-into-things habit I might have had otherwise. Philosophy taught me how to argue more disinterestedly--not to take things personally. I tend to look at the argument itself and critique it, not turn and attack the arguer or take the argument as an attack on myself. This is not always the case, of course. I’ll take it personally out of humor (like above) or in the case of extreme crassness or meanness on the part of the other person, or when I’m really, really tired and irritable. Philosophy also makes me more critical-minded because I notice more shades of meaning and have the language (sometimes, anyway) with which to pick them apart. Most of the time I like this about myself, but occasionally it gets in my way of enjoying things that others enjoy blindly.
Whatever is the case for my analytical nature, I’m glad you’re going to try to be less of a jerk, Paul (men don’t read into things, right? Because just writing that I realize it sounds like I think you ARE a jerk, and I don’t intend to imply that. LOL. This is too much fun). Good luck with that. I mean, ummm....Glad you had so much fun in Denver.
Good post, by the way, Paul.
What is "partying," Precious?
Partying for me is having a beer on my porch. Which I will do with you any time, brother. Well, any time I have beers in my fridge.
Perhaps your error was in thinking you had all that "relational stuff" figured out. I do that. It's the nature of the judge.
I'm still waiting for that email.
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