If you are sick of me writing sometimes depressing posts... then I recommend jumping down to the previous "Oh my God" post.
[Go ahead, the rest of us will wait.]
There is a guy in my congregation who is really sick. He may be dying. He and his wife have both been struggling with illness this year. One in the hosptial, than the other. At one point, the wife was getting tests done in the same hospital as her husband. Makes for a shorter drive time.
This couple has been married 60 years next month.
60 years... yes, you read that right. 6-0.
I went to visit him in a Columbus hospital on Saturday and ever since then I have had this image in my head: he is laying in the bed, tubes running out of his body, eyes closes, body twitching, his wife sitting at his bedside, stroking his face, saying over and over, "This is so hard. This is so hard."
She is in her 80s. Her hands show the years of use... as well as the bruises from recent medical treatments. Yet, up against his suffering face, it is as if I can see the hands of her youth -- stroking his face as if it was the first time. Affection.
And I go back to a common theme of my life... and this blog... which is that life is just hard.
I can't imagine being married 60 years. I really can't. What would it be like to lose someone after 60 years?
Honesty time: marriage is hard. I've been married 13 years. It started out hard, then got easier. About 4 years ago my wife and I were in wedded bliss. My marriage was everything I could have ever wanted it to be. On a scale of 1-10, I would have rated it an 11.
But then life gets in the way.
It is really easy to get distracted. To grow lazy. To divert attention.
It takes a lot of work to stay connected and to be affectionate to each other. And most of us are just too selfish to do that for the long haul. I can only supposed that during those 60 years this couple had those dry times. It's too bad that so much affection waits until pain.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
From Tiffany:
After 2 weeks of marriage, I can't imagine being married for 60 years, let alone 60 days at this point. But when I think of losing my husband, which really hit home the day we were married, it stikes a place deep down in my heart that has never really felt much before. A strange sadness overcomes me, then I realize that we hopefully have 60 years left.
My heart goes out to this couple. I'm sure I know them and am very saddened to hear of the decline of their health.
Thanks for sharing this.
I'm not sure what to say, nor why I'm even responding, other than to acknowledge the sad truth of your observations. The saddest thing, perhaps, is that we get to choose how we spend our time and what we focus our energies on. Yet somehow, we rationalize that there will always be another day, another moment to replace this one that is lost, but we cannot say such things with any certainty, although we try to say them with arrogance, as if the last day or the last moment is somehow up to us.
i can't imagine marriage, much less sixty years of it. but i do find it interesting that we only allow ourselves to show emotion and affection during particular situations [pain, joy, etc.]. and by interesting i mean... unfortunate. so very unfortunate.
aside: perhaps you should blog about your phone. that would definitely not be a depressing post. well, except for me.
This was a very touching and beautiful post. Also, it really is "too bad that so much affection waits until pain."
Post a Comment