So this age thing... especially in our culture (and especially for women) is difficult. We are in a culture that honors youth. Youth is what is important. Even in my job, the people I "work with" are young... and that is seen by my superiors as a good thing. "It's great that you are reaching those youth!"
And it is...
But there is wisdom that comes with age. And honor is owed to those who grow older. Our culture is not very good at honor.
I just walked upstairs and looked at my daughter sleeping. I'm not old enough to be a dad... and yet I'm actually pretty old to be a dad of an infant daughter. But you know...I don't feel all that different than I used to. The "me" inside of "me" feels the same.
Aging is not what I thought it would be.
It's strange...I know I have matured. I do see the world differently. I know if I was in my teens or 20s I would do things differently than I did them the first time because I'm "wiser" now. So I'm rambling...
If you could live your life over again, what would you change?
I would not be as down on my looks. Looks really didn't matter all that much...in fact I dated a lot. But I was very self-conscious for some reason.
And I would sit with the outcasts more. Identify with the underdog more. Take more relational risks.
So why don't I do that now...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
When I was younger (and I'm not that old now), I always used to think my life would be without regrets (i.e. not wanting do take anything back or do it over). I tried to do the right things, make the right decisions, hang out with the good kids, etc.
All in all, this strategy has worked out for me, but still I have regrets. I couldn't always make the right choices - even today I'm not entirely sure what the right choices would have been - and even choosing the right thing doesn't guarantee success. Ecclesiastes 7:15 says, "In this meaningless life of mine I have seen both of these: a righteous man perishing in his righteousness, and a wicked man living long in his wickedness." Yet, somehow, I expected things to be different for me - to be the good guy with no regrets for an entire lifetime, to have it all work out.
So, what do I want to do over, really? Some days a lot, but most days I realize that it has been a great ride, a great adventure, that has created who I am today. And since, overall, I'm happy with who that person is, I guess I shouldn't want to do it over because I don't know who I would be then.
I absolutely love it that I did a lot of things "wrong." I really love that about my past. Don't get me wrong...I can only love this past because I am forgiven and healed and beyond it. But I love it because the result of this is that I am the person that people come to without shame when they have really screwed up. I may be direct and at times, even insensitive...but I know one thing...I am full of mercy for the kind of sinning that makes people feel terrible about themselves...the things that are difficult to confess....because hey, I've been there.
What would I have done differently? One thing I like about myself currently is that I try hard to consistently "use my powers for good." What I mean by that is that I have some strengths: fearlessness in certain situations, ability to be confident and convincing, I tend to be an influencer, I know a lot of people and make friends easily. I feel one of the ways I honor God consistently is that I use these strengths to shine a light on darkness (opression, unfairness, etc.) and to encourage justice and mercy. I did not always do this. In my early years I only used these "powers" for my own gain and pleasure. I look back on so many junior high days when I could have stood up for what was right when I did not. I could have served others instead of myself. Don't get me wrong...I still can be selfish and narrow sighted...but before...I didn't even know there was such a thing as using your strengths for the benefit of others. Jesus taught me that. Still learnin'.
Post a Comment