I can't believe...

I can't believe I'm about to post an email forward. Now nobody get any ideas. I generally hate it when people forward stuff to me. I use email largely for work and I don't need any cute stories... especially if they end with "Forward this to 10 of your best friends." And the truth is... these didn't come from email, but they sound like they should.
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I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its rear end."

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?