Please continue to comment on the issues raised in the last post. This post is just something else to chew on...
I'm guessing this audience is mostly single people. Do you think married people might see this issue differently? (And I'm just asking the question... so don't be offended!)
The reason for this thought...
I had a conversation with someone the other day about this issue. She said that when she was a single woman, she didn't think about this issue the same way as she thought of it now that she is married. When she was single, she dressed for comfort, to be stylish, and yes, even to attract. Now that she is married and she sees the struggle her husband has in this area...she is much more sensitive to the issue. She now wants to dress in a way that she would want other women to dress. I found this interesting and a totally new idea to my brain. I'm guessing that would be true for men as well (although I would argue that I still don't think the issue is the same for women as it is for men... but I'm NOT a women so I don't know, do I?)
Guys... do you think differently of women you deem "immodest?" Women, do YOU think differently of women you deem immodest?
Women, do you think differently about guys you deem "immodest." Guys...do we ever think other guys are being immodest?
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5 comments:
I actually started dressing MORE attractively since being married (keep in mind this usually means "not a sweatshirt," I'm not exactly at the height of fashion here) because I FEEL more attractive (aw, thanks honey). So that throws the curve off. Though no more or less so than when I was at the "top of my game" -- whatever that means -- while I was still single.
Tucked in among all these rants is a real, live answer and real, live truth. This comment is a bit from the last post,a bit from this one.
When we talk about "modesty," we're talking about ###. If we call anyone "immodest," we are presuming them to be directly attempting to look sexually attractive. And for many reasons, we ALL do want to look sexually attractive. Maybe we are looking to affirm ourselves after a rejection by the opposite ###, maybe we are trying to attract a mate, maybe we like the attention being desired or desirous brings. We could make a huge list together.
Here's my buck-fifty, regardless of if you're married or not: mind your own business. ### is everywhere, as are "modesty" and "immodesty." We aren't going to solve any problems for ourselves if we are blaming other people. (or: women will always continue to wear bikinis, and men will always continue to not wear shirts when playing sports, therefore, the only things we can change are our own thoughts.)
Are you attracted to revealed skin? Find a way to admit, confess, and deal with it. Are you trying attract people with your skin, to increase your feelings of worth or to "fit in"? Find a way to admit, confess, and deal with it. Are you trying attract people by acting sensual, flirty, or sexy, regardless of how you dress? Find a way to admit, confess, and deal with it.
I'm not talking about trying to find a mate, I'm talking about getting your self-worth and validation from sexual sources.
To the fellas: give us all a fat break. Shut your yappers and be real "men": take responsibility for your own actions and attitudes. You take your shirt off during sports because you secretly want some girl to see you and think you're hot. Also, the words that you use to describe beautiful women tell more about your heart than what your eyes see. Why don't guys complain about the way they talk about women? You may not always be able to control what your eyes see, but you can control what you think and say about what you see, and you can control how long your gaze lingers.
Breasts, cleavage, and sultry looks are everywhere in our culture. It's pathetic to foist blame for our "lust" issues on Christian sisters, because they aren't the source or solution to our problem. We are.
This is not easy stuff to deal with. It is very "gray area". That's why the only thing we should do is mind our own business. The issue has less to do with what other people are wearing and much more to do with what you are thinking about what other people are wearing. It's the reason that the topless French women on the beaches in St. Martin drew my attention less than some of the sidebar ads on my Hotmail account.
Speaking of artificial controls for "modesty," if you can't read certain words up there, it's because of frickin' Net Nanny. The #'s usually spell "s" "e" "x".
Actually, I kind of like that way of spelling ###. Thought it was intentional.
and sarah, I find that inspiring. thanks for sharing.
rachel
b109.com
patrick - i really, really like what you had to say here. honest and refreshing.
[sidenote: i'm having fun mad-libbing in my head things that can replace the "###"s]
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