So if you are a Christ follower, how sure are you of your faith? Do you ever wake up at 4 a.m. and say, "Do I really believe this stuff? I don't see any god?" And what keeps you from chucking it all and just living how you want?
i've known people who believe that to doubt is to sin. i am not one of those people.
honestly, the doubt can usually just sort of strike me out of the clear blue. walking down the street, making dinner, driving in my car... and suddenly... what if?
i will never, in the course of my human existence, be able to "prove" God, in a scientifically tangible sense, neither to myself nor to others. and it is at those what if? moments that this reality can surface and cause me to falter.
but... is that so bad? to doubt? to wonder? to search? i don't think it is. i would rather openly doubt, than stuff questions away and not deal with them; not bring them into the light; not be honest about them.
in the end, i look back upon the path i've taken -- sometimes by choice, sometimes by detour, sometimes against my will -- and depending on the day, i see the grace or the mercy or the love or the something that reminds me and shows me that, yeah: this probably isn't all me. Something else was involved here. and i trust in that.
if there is no room for doubt, then, really: is there any room for faith?
How sure am I? It depends on the day. The worst periods of doubt for me have been when others have drilled me with questions that I can't answer. It is also not during the most difficult times that I doubt, but the times of ongoing minor frustrations and when things become routine and boring.
At times I have wondered if I have believed just to relieve my own anxiety about life. If I just use it for an anchor and for purpose rather than simply belief as an end in itself.
I have also at times wondered if there is a difference between knowing something and believing it. I suppose I differentiate between head knowledge and heart. But then I have also come to know that my emotions are not a very good measure of faith. I have also found that the more I know, the more I realize how much I don't know and don't understand.
How do I hold on? In times of doubt, I cling to past experiences that convinced me my faith was in something real. I try to remember where I've come from and all the significant markers along the way. I also remember that like most things in life, my feeling of being strong in my faith will wax and wane. I often, but not always, seek more intensely after God during those times, and I also tend to look more to others for support.
blogging paul- whenever i have the thought of *what if*, i feel like i have started believing my feelings, and not so much what i know as truth. sometimes, i just repeat the truth in my head, to remember the times in my life where i know God was in control. i am still surprised that the people who were in Exodus would sway from God so easily, they were able to eat from what came from the heavens! and still questioned whether God existed. i am amazed at how easily i can cry out to God and ask if He is there, when i know by Truth, He's there, and has filled me with the Spirit inside.
I do not doubt when things are hard, as Katie said. Pain and suffering make me MAD at God, but they don't make me question His existence. I often doubt when I meet intelligent, rational, kind, interesting, generous, sensitive people who don't believe in God. I also doubt when I WANT to do something that I know I am not supposed to, according to the bible that I can't really see the harm in doing. Like, smoking pot for example...occasionally, I am in a situation where this is happening, and occasionally, I'd like to partake, and I think to myself...the ONLY reason why I am not taking a puff or two of that joint is because I'm a christian and we're not supposed to do that. Not saying there isn't any harm that can come from it...but life is a series of choices among risks...we take risks every day and God aside, I'd probably take more, such as smoking pot from time to time. Or if I want to have sex with my boyfriend. I love him. We want to get married. We are committed....etc. The only reason I don't (well, ok, I'd be terrified of getting pregnant too) is because I'm a Christian. These are the times when I'm like...I am denying myself for something that might not even be true.
Anymore, I rarely doubt God's existence. Too often I see God at work in the smaller, innocent things of life: the ridiculous complexity of a mouse, for example. Sometimes I doubt Christianity. Not Jesus as the Messiah, but the history and development of Christianity--I sometimes doubt humanity's interpretation of God's purpose and presence.
But, I still feel that that Christianity is the best we've got in terms of validity and reliability. While it is really, darned impossibly hard to apply the principles of Christianity, the Bible still gives the most accurate depiction of the state and condition of humanity that I've ever witnessed. Psychology, sociology...it's all in there.
Sooo, my doubts come in the form of knowing or not knowing how and why God is at work. Does He really do anything? Yes, sometimes. Sometimes it is obvious. But I really have little to no clue as to my purpose on earth. I'm flitting through life like so many Americans, hopelessly centered on myself, my relationships, and my money (or lack thereof).
5 comments:
i like my sleep too much for it to happen at 4am.
i've known people who believe that to doubt is to sin. i am not one of those people.
honestly, the doubt can usually just sort of strike me out of the clear blue. walking down the street, making dinner, driving in my car... and suddenly... what if?
i will never, in the course of my human existence, be able to "prove" God, in a scientifically tangible sense, neither to myself nor to others. and it is at those what if? moments that this reality can surface and cause me to falter.
but... is that so bad? to doubt? to wonder? to search? i don't think it is. i would rather openly doubt, than stuff questions away and not deal with them; not bring them into the light; not be honest about them.
in the end, i look back upon the path i've taken -- sometimes by choice, sometimes by detour, sometimes against my will -- and depending on the day, i see the grace or the mercy or the love or the something that reminds me and shows me that, yeah: this probably isn't all me. Something else was involved here. and i trust in that.
if there is no room for doubt, then, really: is there any room for faith?
How sure am I? It depends on the day. The worst periods of doubt for me have been when others have drilled me with questions that I can't answer. It is also not during the most difficult times that I doubt, but the times of ongoing minor frustrations and when things become routine and boring.
At times I have wondered if I have believed just to relieve my own anxiety about life. If I just use it for an anchor and for purpose rather than simply belief as an end in itself.
I have also at times wondered if there is a difference between knowing something and believing it. I suppose I differentiate between head knowledge and heart. But then I have also come to know that my emotions are not a very good measure of faith. I have also found that the more I know, the more I realize how much I don't know and don't understand.
How do I hold on? In times of doubt, I cling to past experiences that convinced me my faith was in something real. I try to remember where I've come from and all the significant markers along the way. I also remember that like most things in life, my feeling of being strong in my faith will wax and wane. I often, but not always, seek more intensely after God during those times, and I also tend to look more to others for support.
blogging paul- whenever i have the thought of
*what if*, i feel like i have started believing my feelings, and not so much what i know as truth. sometimes, i just repeat the truth in my head, to remember the times in my life where i know God was in control. i am still surprised that the people who were in Exodus would sway from God so easily, they were able to eat from what came from the heavens! and still questioned whether God existed. i am amazed at how easily i can cry out to God and ask if He is there, when i know by Truth, He's there, and has filled me with the Spirit inside.
I do not doubt when things are hard, as Katie said. Pain and suffering make me MAD at God, but they don't make me question His existence. I often doubt when I meet intelligent, rational, kind, interesting, generous, sensitive people who don't believe in God. I also doubt when I WANT to do something that I know I am not supposed to, according to the bible that I can't really see the harm in doing. Like, smoking pot for example...occasionally, I am in a situation where this is happening, and occasionally, I'd like to partake, and I think to myself...the ONLY reason why I am not taking a puff or two of that joint is because I'm a christian and we're not supposed to do that. Not saying there isn't any harm that can come from it...but life is a series of choices among risks...we take risks every day and God aside, I'd probably take more, such as smoking pot from time to time. Or if I want to have sex with my boyfriend. I love him. We want to get married. We are committed....etc. The only reason I don't (well, ok, I'd be terrified of getting pregnant too) is because I'm a Christian. These are the times when I'm like...I am denying myself for something that might not even be true.
Anymore, I rarely doubt God's existence. Too often I see God at work in the smaller, innocent things of life: the ridiculous complexity of a mouse, for example. Sometimes I doubt Christianity. Not Jesus as the Messiah, but the history and development of Christianity--I sometimes doubt humanity's interpretation of God's purpose and presence.
But, I still feel that that Christianity is the best we've got in terms of validity and reliability. While it is really, darned impossibly hard to apply the principles of Christianity, the Bible still gives the most accurate depiction of the state and condition of humanity that I've ever witnessed. Psychology, sociology...it's all in there.
Sooo, my doubts come in the form of knowing or not knowing how and why God is at work. Does He really do anything? Yes, sometimes. Sometimes it is obvious. But I really have little to no clue as to my purpose on earth. I'm flitting through life like so many Americans, hopelessly centered on myself, my relationships, and my money (or lack thereof).
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