I will always be Blue...

And that is a good thing.

A old friend of mine is one of my newest readers (Welcome!). Just hearing from him and reading his blog has made my reflect on a previous life. It is a life that is long past and will never return, but was a good thing.

I was privileged to be a member of the Bluecoats, a drum and bugle corps based out of Canton. I (along with pjeff) played lead soprano (trumpet) and got to play high, loud and fast. It was a trip. At one point in the show, 6 of us went out front and got to play high loud and fast together. (In this picture, pjeff is the one on the right of the line of 6 down front, I'm the guy right next to him to his left.) There was the official "written version" of the sextet, (which was pretty high and loud) and there was the version we made up... which was much higher and louder. Sometimes after the shows, a group of "fans" would come to the busses as we were putting our stuff away and we would play the "higher, louder, faster" version... which to them was the coolest thing. About 3 minutes of 15 minutes of fame.

Pjeff was one of my heros. He had an amazing solo (that I got to play once when he was sick) that was... well, high and loud. (You see a theme here, don't you?) At the time, I didn't know all he was struggling through, but he later became a Christian and then a pastor. (So that makes at least two of us! I'm not sure anyone in that line would have ever thought either of us would have been pastors... those were VERY different days for both of us.)

Honestly, I miss that part of my life. I've never been a person to live in the past. My best years are right now in so many ways. But that part of my life, now long gone, was great, and I wouldn't trade those years for anything. So if you ever find a 1988 Bluecoats CD, and are listening to "Autumn Leaves" (the closing song) and hear some people playing high and loud, now you know.

The Swing

Mondays are hard for many pastors. It's funny, it's not talked about a lot, but there is an emotional brokenness/drain that happens for most pastors after they teach. I have a friend who is leaving ministry this year because of the "Monday Crash." He just can't handle it anymore and he fears it will cost him his marriage... or his soul.

Rob Bell spoke about this at the conference I just attended... and I almost cried. I was like, "Yea, that is exactly how I feel." And it was so weird to have someone name it so honestly. His "take on it" is that every time you are blessed, it was because someone else is broken and poured out. It is a spiritual thing that happens. It felt a bit strange because I had 6 folks from my congregation with me... and I felt like Rob was exposing part of my soul to them.

So it was Monday.

"God, some pieces have been taken out of me this week. I have taken some hits. I have poured myself out. I feel broken. I ask that you put me back together. And I will willingly do it again... for Your sake."

Depressed and tired

Just being honest.

My birthday is in June...

So all you who are a part of Central... take note.

All together now...

yikes

Nothing to add.

Ha Ha!

I'm blogging and Sarah and Mdog aren't!

They don't have the power I have... and yet they are sitting in the same room.

Mwahaaaaaa!

Brian M's response to my speaking topics...

"Paul,

Thanks for the topic suggestions... Maybe I won't be out of town that Thursday after all. Yes, any of those topics will work just fine...however, I just did a whole 40 week series on the Ten Horned Beast in Revelation so the last one might not be good. "

Yea, Brian is a good egg.

Mars Hill

So as I type this, I'm sitting in the worship center of Mars Hill Church in Michigan (Rob Bell is the pastor here). It is a really interesting place. I drove here two summers ago when I took my Sabbatical and spent a couple of days. It's the anchor store of a mall... pretty sparse. They have painted the walls green... which is better than the white... and there is a kind of platform in the middle, but other than that, it looks like a K Mart.

I like it.

Now, I like beauty. I even like cathedral-type churches... there is an architectural beauty that honors God. But so does simplicity.

So on the drive up, a group of us were talking about "cool." What is "cool?"

I still don't think I'm cool, but I do know this... if cool is the traditional bald head and goatee... there are a lot of cool people here.

And I'm on my way to being cool... if only by nature.

Excellent

This is an excellent post. I'm sure she would appreciate your thoughts.

Okay, I'm Impressed

"This is an email I wrote tonight at 7 pm and sent to Andrew Peterson.

__________________________

Andrew (or maybe whoever is managing Andrew's email for him while he is off writing cool songs)

As a 39-year-old pastor, I am sad to say that I only recently discovered your music. A friend of mine lent me "Appendix A" -- largely for the song "Land of the Free" -- as a response to a blog post I wrote.

Anyway, I just love it. I was a big Rich Mullins fan and your music has that same mix of cynic, poet, prophet and "guy next door I want to hang out with" feel.

So I started buying up your stuff.

But I was saddened to learn that "Appendix A: Bootlegs and B-Sides" is no longer available. I read somewhere on your site that you are putting some as downloads on your site in the future...

BUT, seeing it was out of print, I was wondering if I could bootleg my friend's copy of "Bootleg?"

First, I would be happy to pay you anyway. I will send you the full amount.

Or second, if I find a copy of it, I will buy it... but I can't.

I want to honor copy-write and your work as an artist... but I really want that recording. :O)

Suggestions?

Thanks for the great music,

paul


____________

At 9:20... this shows up in my inbox...

_________________

Howdy, Paul. Thanks for the kind email. Being mentioned in the same context as Rich always freaks me out, as he was and is a huge influence on me spiritually and artistically. Feel free to burn the record. Thanks for listening!

AP"

_________________

Now I like the guy even more. Not that he gave me permission to copy his out of print CD, but he had the class to actually write back.

I'm impressed. Andrew Peterson is now on my list of "good eggs."

Speaking at Campus Crusade

I have been asked to speak at Campus Crusade in February. Last night, I got an email from Brian M. (the director) suggesting some topics, but he said he was open to what I wanted to talk about. He closed it by saying that most of the staff (including Brian himself) will be out of town that weekend for training.

Big mistake.

So I sent him the following email...

"Honestly, I have been thinking about some topics... but I appreciate the guidance you offered. The topics below have been burning in my heart recently... I believe God has given me a direct word for each of them...

So, from the Home office in Sugar Creek, Ohio I give you:

"Top Ten Speaking topics Paul is considering when Campus Crusade Leadership is away:"


#10 - "Baptism of the Holy Spirit: The importance of speaking in tongues for Christians today"

#9 - "Double Predestination and the Election of God's People : Don't worry about evangelism, they are all going to hell anyway"

#8 - "Open Theism: God is not sovereign, so you can get away with it."

#7 - "Politics and Christianity: If you don't believe like me you are not a Christian."

#6 - "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God: the Sequel"

#5 - "Dan Brown Was Right: Why you should be studying the gnostic gospels"

#4 - "Prophecy and The Church: Why you need your own personal prophet and why I should be him. (subtitled: "Reach in them Jeans and Pull out them Greens!)"

#3 - "Eternal Security: You don't have it -- so spend all your energy worrying about sinning your way out of the Kingdom of God."

#2 - Two Words: "Open Cannon"

And the #1 speaking topic is.....

#1 - "The End Times: Jesus is coming back, I know exactly when, and you might as well not study for that test on Tuesday!"


I'm guessing any of those would do... right?"

I should have known...

So I have a friend who keeps lending me albums... usually of people I have never heard of before. The normal way this works is she says, "Hey, I think you would like this..." and she hands me a CD. It then sits on the island in my kitchen for several weeks or until I take a car ride of substantial length.

And then I listen to it...

And then I say, "Why didn't I listen to this earlier!!!!!"

So I've been listening to Andrew Peterson... of course given to me by this same friend...and it is really good. He reminds me of Rich Mullens (who is a hero of mine) not just in sound, but also style. There is a bit of cynic, poet, prophet, and "guy next door I want to hang out with" mixed together. I first got hooked by the words to the opening song off this album, "Land of the Free." It reminds me of Honduras.

"Appendix A" is largely a live recording... and I am a HUGE fan of live recordings. Quite honestly, if every CD was recorded live, I would be mostly okay with that. There is an energy that happens live that is hard to capture in a studio. And you get to get a "sense" of who he is... beyond his lyrics, which are pretty raw and honest anyway.

So... join me is rushing out and buying this. Until then, Mdog will just have to do without her CD.

Are you ready?

In keeping with my New Year's resolution to be more profound, I give you...

"300 ways to eat toast.

At least 3 disturbing questions arise from this...

1. Who has enough free time to come up with 300 ways to eat toast?
2. Who actually reads this? Ah.. well...Forget that second one.
3. Who actually eats this?

A new game-night game!

Throw about that evil Werewolves game!

Gather your friends. Save sinners...meaning those instrument-playing, song writing, sinner rock musicians!

Never-mind lousy theology! Now the people who brought you "Left Behind" the book, bring you...

"Left Behind" the game!

For an amazing review of this game, go here.

Patrick! Please save us soon! "Come, gamer Patrick," come!

Why Spiders should not have hair... Reflections on a week in Honduras, part 5

Journal Entry - December 3, 2006

It's Sunday morning. I slept for the first time last night...only woke up three times! (I'm guessing it really is the medication.) There was no hot water this morning, so I skipped the shower. Heck, my pants can almost walk by themselves anyway... why put a clean body in them to get in the way!

Father, I pray for this country. There is so much poverty here. There is so much oppression and pain. But where I want to pray for this country, it makes me want to pray for the U.S. even more. In the U.S. we have a poverty of spirit... we are often the oppressors... we are numb to life and try not to feel pain. It takes so much to satisfy...

We search for fulfillment... through our jobs, relationships... our stuff... and yet we already have so much. Maybe the secret of being full really is being empty. (Food taste better when you are hungry. Sleep is better when you are tired.)

As I write this I'm sitting in the chapel. The doors are open and it overlooks a small town called, "Nueva Esparanza" (New Hope) which is the town just down the hill from Montana De Luz. Nueva Esparanza was built after the hurricane and it is (I guess) supposed to be a sign of what the government can do if it "really puts its mind to something."

If you couldn't see some of the detail, or if we didn't have to drive through the town to get to Montana, you might mistake it as quaint... all nestled in the mountains. But even from here you can see the small houses... houses that probably anywhere in the U.S. would be considered slum. You can see the roads (and I use that term loosely). Every now and then you see people walking or gathering. The town is filled with real people, with real hopes and real dreams and real struggles.

But I sit up here separate.

I am removed from it all.

On a mountain. Sitting in a chapel... protected. I have light, shelter, an appearance of protection from the "creepy crawlers." I have privilege on the mountain.

I fear this is an analogy for much of my life. I sit in safety... objectively looking a the rest of the world. Protected by my wealth... my position... my status. Now, I know that emotionally this is not true. I know emotionally I enter into people's pain all the time. (But even writing that betrays or justifies.) But much of my life is a life removed.

I think a lot of us have this tendency to see God this way. Kind of up in heaven... in the safety and protection of heaven... looking down on the pain of earth. God is the one with all the money, all the resources... all the power....but maybe the problems are just too many.

Or maybe God doesn’t really care.

I think we tend to see God looking at us like I look down on this town: we are just one big mass of people... problems... and the need is so great and it is just overwhelming.

Contrast this with Vicki, the project director. She can't walk through Montana without having kids hanging off of her. She drives her truck through town; she can't go 100 feet without getting ambushed by people yelling, "Buenos Dais, Vicki!" or her stopping to say "hi." She knows most people's names and even their families. She speaks Spanish fluently. She is a part of their lives. She has entered into their world.

Today is the first Sunday of Advent: and I begin, once again, to reflect on the truth of the incarnation: the Word became flesh and lived among us.

If the gospel is anything to me, it is this truth: God does not sit removed. But He lives among us. He has learned our language... He has entered into our world.

Deeper Blogging

So just an observation...

A lot of people write some really profound things on blogs. And they do it in some really compelling ways. There really are some great writers out there.

Writing has never been my strength... so I'm sorry I'm not more profound and deep at times. But as part of my New Years Resolutions, I have decided to be more profound. So again, I just want to apologize to you all for my years of surfacey posting.

This is the turkey I deep fried on New Years Day. I'm not a vegetarian, but there is something about working with raw poultry that could make anyone swear off meat for a lifetime. Cleaning a turkey (if you have never done it) is not an enjoyable experience. And... quite honestly... the whole thing is pretty undignified for the turkey. I mean they shove its head up its...

But this picture makes me think of people who donate their bodies to science... medical schools, etc. I, for one, am glad that there are people secure enough out there to do this... I am not one of them. One of my best friends in High School was a nurse. And where she SAID they always respected the cadaver they were working on... I heard some stories.

But I digress... back to the turkey. First you clean it, then dry it well, put the turkey on this rack, you annoint it with spices (getting it ready for its final demise). Then you drop it in hot oil and cook it. Then you pull it out... and it does not always look that great... again, pretty degrading for this poor turkey.

So, of course, I took a picture of it.

Deep fried Turkey is good. You can cook one in 45 minutes and, surprisingly, it's not as bad for you as you might think at first (especially if you don't eat the skin, but then again...)

The nutritional information is as follows; 3.5 ounces of deep fried turkey has approximately 190 calories and 11 grams of fat, while the same size portion of regular roasted turkey breast typically contains about 165 calories and 7 grams of fat. So an extra 25 calories... about the same as a serving of brussle sprouts. And I ask you...which would you rather have?


Frying a turkey is not rocket science. It basically involved a big pot, a heat source, 3 gallons of peanut oil (my oil of choice), an electronic meat thermometer, and a love for pyrotechnics. Fortunately, I have always had the latter, and my in-laws gave me the former for Christmas.

You got to love a meal that you can blow up things while cooking it.

Pretty profound post, eh?

ouch

My 2 year-old daughter just beat me at Candy Land. And bad.

See that yellow piece at the end? That is the 2-year old.

See that blue piece that is remarkably close to the starting line? That is the 39-year-old with a Master's Degree.

Is it any wonder I'm intimidated?

This was taken by Matt Eich. He sent this to me (I'm not making this up) as I was writing the blog post just below this one.





You know... the post is about me being less intimidated about showing my pictures despite being surrounded by such great photograpers.

yea, right... so much for that.

Anyone want to buy a camera?

The year in pictures, part 2

One of the lessons I have learned this year (actually the last 6 months) is that a "good picture" is one I like. Yea, I know... light, exposure, depth of field, framing, multiple layers, bla bla bla. But as an amateur, it is really easy to get so intimidated that I just stop shooting. Which is what happened. If you don't know... I run in circles of really good photographers. I was just thinking the other day: Bruce, Rick, Sarah, Katie, Denise, Matt (all professionals or headed that way...) and then we have Jared, Jeff, Maria, Beth... amateurs who know what they are doing and produce some good images. So it is easy for me to not show my work because it pales in comparison to the work of my friends.

I already wrote that this spring I took a photography class. The funny thing (that my wife pointed out to me) is that during the class, and for about 2 months afterward, I basically didn't shoot a lot. I think I was just too worried about the "outcome."

But the truth is, I really like taking pictures. Yes, I like it because it captures a moment that is important to me. I like it because I really do looking at the images I produce. But I also like it because I like the physical act of shooting pictures. (Is that strange?) I find it relaxing, stimulating; it allows me to be creative.

I like the person I am with a camera.

Final confession: as much as I like the "instant gratification" of shooting digital, I kind of miss my old Nikon N65 film camera. I sort of miss shooting and not knowing how it comes out... if it comes out. And don't laugh at me, one morning a couple of years ago, I didn't have any film... but I just went out and "shot" pictures anyway. I'm such a nerd.

Better keep my day job...

Psychic Test and Quiz - Test your Psychic Powers.

Are you psychic? Do you have psychic powers? Here's the classic test to find out. You will be tested on the cards 10 times to see how well you do at predicting which will come up. Be sure to do all 10 rounds to get a true estimation of your psychic abilities!

My results are below:

You got 2 out of 10 cards correct.

You only got 2 right - something powerful is working against you.

Quote of the Week

"There is a strong drift toward the hard theological left. Some emergent types [want] to recast Jesus as a limp-wrist hippie in a dress with a lot of product in His hair, who drank decaf and made pithy Zen statements about life while shopping for the perfect pair of shoes. In Revelation, Jesus is a pride [sic?] fighter with a tattoo down His leg, a sword in His hand and the commitment to make someone bleed. That is a guy I can worship. I cannot worship the hippie, diaper, halo Christ because I cannot worship a guy I can beat up."

Mark Driscoll
From "Relevant Magazine"

profit... I mean, prophet.

"I have a relatively good track record," he said. "Sometimes I miss."

Miss?

"But the prophet who shall speak a word presumptuously in My name which I have not commanded him to speak... that prophet shall die. And you may say in your heart, `How shall we know the word which the Lord has not spoken?' When a prophet speaks in the name of the Lord, if the thing does not come about or come true, that is the thing which the Lord has not spoken. The prophet has spoken it presumptuously."

Deut 18:20-22

Beth Encore

Okay... so my first photo shoot with Beth produced a lot of images... I guess I want to share a couple more!

Beth's project was amazing. It was called, "In his shoes" and was a tribute to a friend of hers who is missing in action. She had these strips of white cloth with silhouettes of life images silk-screened onto them. Images of life he is missing. It was quite moving and quite beautiful.

But for me, it was a photographic nightmare! Let me see: bright white lights, in a very dark room, with white strips of cloth, with black figures on them... and my model dressed in black... and me shooting on manual mode. Arg!

But honestly, I wanted to do it because I like a challenge!

I like the look of black and white photography. And this shoot was almost black and white without it being shot in black and white, if that makes any sense. What I struggled with was not "blowing out" the light areas (the room lights were really bright) without losing detail. I also really liked trying to create the same silhouette-type images in the pictures that Beth created on her strips of cloth.

Again, Beth was really patient with me.

As was Bruce.

It is interesting to watch a pro shoot. Bruce has so much confidence... he knows pretty much what he wants and is able to communicate it well. He also thought of ideas that never crossed my mind. The image Bruce was taking on the right turned out really well... I wish I had a picture of it... but I took a picture of him taking the picture... and I really like it.

I like the silhouette of Bruce... but I like how the silhouetts of Beth's prints pop in this shot... despite the very bright light.


This is one of those pictures that I just like... I don't care if it is "good."

Okay, so I have no idea why I just blogged about these pictures... hope you enjoyed them and it wasn't a total waste of your time. :O)

Happy New Year!

So I get really reflective this time of year. Although I do a lot of personal and professional reflection, I thought it would be fun to look through my pictures and pick out of few that were memorable to me.

These are not my best pictures... I'm not even sure they are all favorites. But they are significant steps for me... mostly in photography... a little in life... sometimes in both.

In January I went on Good Works' "Walk for the Homeless." It was a powerful experience for me as I had been reading a lot about minimum wage issues and so I choose to do the walk to Wendy's. Ever since I had a child I have been thinking a lot of what it means to earn a "living wage." The walk was insightful in that it put flesh on those thoughts.

As a photographer, this was my first photojournalism-type shoot (although I was not asked to be a photographer, I just showed up with my camera and took pictures!) My friend, Jared, went on the same walk with me... and it was great to shoot with him. After the walk we compared pictures and talked about what worked and what didn't. It was fun.

In the Spring I took a photography class from the university. A friend and fellow Centralite, Sarah, taught the class and it was incredible just to sit and learn from her. One of the projects was to do a portrait that captures a hobby or passion of the person you are shooting. A friend and media guru, Beth, was doing an art show and she agreed to be my model.

This was the first time I did a photo shoot with a person other than my daughter or wife. And to be honest, it was a bit nerve wracking. I didn't realize how "intimate" taking pictures would be. There is this sense where you enter into the personal (and psychological) space of another. When I shoot, I usually focus on the eyes... so there is all this eye contact (remember, I'm an introvert!). I am also trying to engage the model's brain, so I'm talking. And, oh yea, I have been shooting pictures on manual settings for a total of 3 weeks... so I'm all caught up in the technical aspects of the picture as well.

I must have shot 100 pictures of Beth! She was an excellent model and very patient with me, but by the end of the shoot I felt like I ran a marathon. But I learned a TON that night. Later another friend, Bruce, (who is a professional photographer) came over with me and Beth volunteered to model again for both of us. Afterward, Bruce and I went to Donkey and did a mini-photo clinic. What an amazing gift both Bruce and Beth gave me in that experience.

This picture is significant to me in that this is from my first "shoot" approaching a total stranger. I was at an event with my wife and this guy and his daughter were there. I was struck by all his tattoos... contrasted with the unblemished arm of this little girl. And so I just went up to him and asked if I could take some pictures. This is not the best or even the most engaging, but it is my favorite...

Jared and Tobias asked me to take pictures of them creating their movie for a contest they were entering. This was really fun for me as it was the first time I had ever been invited to be a photographer for an event. Therefore, I felt like I had full reign and could do whatever I wanted in terms of getting in people's faces, etc. Doing this shoot taught me that it is much easier to take pictures of an event when you have been asked to do so and people expect you to be the "photographer" not just an annoying guy with a camera. Now, if I were being paid, I would have been VERY nervous... but fortunately (or unfortunately) I was not!

Okay, more later... but now it is time to hang out with my family some more!

Blessings and Happy New Year!