So I'm typing this in my daughter's room. I just put her to bed.
Putting my daughter to bed is one of the most precious times in my week. It's a time of connection, relationship building and intimacy. It often reminds me of what is really important.
As I was putting her to bed, I just had some random thoughts. They were really too personal and complex for a Facebook post. So if my Facebook friends want to think deeper thoughts with me, they must leave the medium of Facebook and enter this world of multiple words and paragraphs. Honestly, I'm not going to spend a long time crafting this...I'm sure the usual spelling, grammar and punctuation mistakes will be there. I'm just processing -- and if you want to read my thoughts, you may do so if you so choose.
So just some quick musings...
1. Scripture suggests that God loves me far more perfectly and completely than I love my daughter.
Wow. No way.
If that is true (and I take it by faith that it is), that ONE concept is so far beyond my comprehension. So far beyond my comprehension that, quite honestly, I'm not sure I will ever grasp it. Or (and this sounds like heresy, I know), really believe it.
I want to believe it... but I'm not sure I do most of the time. Or I believe it in an intellectual way, but not really at the core of who I am and how I live.
Confession: I often struggle with seeing God as more than Big God.
Sovereign God.
Powerful God.
I can kind of "get" the forgiveness thing -- I mean, I believe and know that God forgives -- but mostly because He has to forgive me because it's in His nature.
I sometimes struggle with God as Gentle Daddy.
The Playful Daddy.
The One who really just wants to spend time with me because He delights in me.
Moments ago, I was laying there, watching my daughter sleep. She was cuddled into me because she was afraid of the storm. She quickly fell asleep, knowing she was now safe with her Big Dad.
I get that.
I see God that way. God is strong. God protects. God is big.
But then...
Then I just laid there. I watched her sleep. And honestly, there was no other place in the world I wanted to be more than right there in that moment with her. We weren't DOING anything. I wasn't doing anything. We weren't relating in any conscious way. She was just laying there, quietly snoring in my ear. And my love for her in that moment was overwhelming.
And I think, "God loves me more than this?"
Honestly, it is overwhelming to me.
And it should be to you as well.
2. When I take Lydia to bed, we have our routine. My wife also has a routine with her. I found out they are very different. But both routines connect us to our daughter.
Sometimes, when I go to put her to bed, I'm in a hurry. I want to get through the routine. I'm busy or distracted or I have things to do. Sometimes, quite honestly, I don't initially want to go through our routine...
But the routine gives space for relationship. It almost forces (facilitates?) relationship.
And sometimes, in the midst of that same-old, same-old routine, we find moments of true intimacy and connection. It becomes a channel for us to express love and care.
I wonder if this is how God sees our devotional life? The metaphor doesn't fit perfectly, but it seems to me that the goal is not a quiet time. A routine. The goal is connection and relationship. But the regular practice of spiritual disciplines (routines) can place us in a position where, every now and then, we have true connection with God.
The routine is for us. Not for God.
3. Final thought for now. In the past several years I've moved away from Father language for God. Some of it is theological. I believe God is MUCH bigger than one image or ideal. Some of it is pastoral - in fact - there are significant populations of people for whom God as Father is, at best, not a helpful image. At worst, it defames the character of God.
But the thing about most of my God language now is that it depersonalizes God. It makes God in to Big God. Powerful God. Sovereign God.
You see where I'm going with this, right?
So maybe... at least in my own quiet time (routine)... I will return to God as my Daddy. And maybe it if say it more, I'll believe it more.
Reflections of a Journeying Blogger
11 comments:
Profoundly stated, my Friend. Thank you for this honest reminder.
Abba is my favorite image of God and I have ALWAYS translated Abba as Daddy. Any dog can sire a pup. But, it takes something special to be a Daddy. Daddies protect, play, console, challenge, correct, the whole enchilada. God is Abba as Jesus called God. Maybe ... just maybe, even for folks who have been so damaged by the worthless louts they had as fathers can get their heads around Abba. Maybe.
Just capturing a thought: there is a difference between a God who watches over me when I sleep, and a God who also watches me when I sleep out of love and delight for me.
It is a real treat when I get to eavesdrop on your thoughts. Facebook is too abrupt, too "off the cuff". When you actually get to present the context of a thought and dive in, it gives me delight. Kind of like listening to one of your talks in the old days. I'm not sure how I consider God. I have some pretty frank and raw "conversations" with Him. Some might view what I say and how I say it as disrespectful for the creator, but I have always been passionate and direct in my speech. Somehow the image of "daddy" just doesn't do it for me. Also I have never been close with my father here, so, well you know. Blessings and thanks for sharing.
Thank you Paul, for the reminder to enjoy my daily rhythms more, both the bedtime routine with all three kids and the regular devotion times with God.
It's tough to say "Daddy" to God, since I want to reject the dependence that using this word implies. Do you know that scene in Good Will Hunting where Sean the psychologist is telling Will that the abuse he suffered isn't his fault? For some reason, knowing that I am loved by God as a "daddy" to a "son" is sometimes just as hard to believe. "It's not your fault, Will," becomes, "I love you like a daddy," and I back away shaking my head and asking the prophet not to f*%# with me. Thanks for the being the prophet, Paul, and reminding me of the "daddy-love."
Mystery. Overwhelming mystery.
I have never been able to see God as a father figure. Really.....would you let your child die a horrible death if you had the power to prevent it? No. Absolutely not. But God does. So if he's omnipotent, and he has the power to prevent it, but doesn't, what does that say? It asks more questions than it answers.
God as "Dad" is a powerful image, to be sure, but one we created out of a need to feel protected and nurtured by something bigger than us. Like the idea of "Mother Earth" who provides us much goodness.
It's a nice illusion, but an illusion, nonetheless.
Doug, thanks for commenting and asking hard questions. My goal for this blog is for me to capture thoughts... but also some interaction. (I did leave comments enabled!) And if everyone agrees... we don't get to think a lot. :)
You bring up some hard points that people of faith (any faith) have wrestled with for centuries. I'm not sure that a God who is all knowing and all powerful (and perfectly good as well) and yet allows evil is all that much of an illusion. I guess my theology allows God to put in place natural processes (that have also been corrupted by sin). I mean, if you draw it out to it's logical conclusion, if God never allowed anyone to die... how would that work? And I'm not sure physical life is God's end goal.
I'm also not sure that being all-powerful (or Sovereign) for me means that, for this to be true of God, God must exercise it in all circumstances. But you are asking the big questions of faith here. Thanks for venturing in.
Love your thoughts on routine bringing about relationship; a means to an end. And similarly to what you mentioned, I find myself connecting best when I abandon agenda and simply enjoy. when the goal isn't "get to bed as quickly as possible" we have a true chance to connect.
Hugh and I just had a very long and difficult conversation about routines building relationship. You'd think I'd be the one supporting that, but it was actually Hugh who was trying to encourage me in my relationship with my dad. He's right, and you're right, but I'm very hesitant to make it a real routine because he's not anything like my heavenly Daddy whom I do trust to be all that you said and more. Lydia is a most blessed child to have you and Laura as her earthly parents. She surely knows about God, too. Double bonus!! Thank you...
I appreciate this post (and the comments). I'm not one that can easily connect the God/daddy thing - unfortunately a lot of folks have the same issue. Regardless, I love the love that you have for Lydia and can understand that fully. I also have a lot of skepticism that God loves me like that - it's such an ... incredible love you have for your children that seems hard to duplicate, especially in a way that would allow your child to die for others. I also love the fact that you are so willing to discuss difficult questions and not judge folks (I have similar questions to Doug).
I just hope that my child feels - or at the least, wants to feel the love that you speak of with our God.
Wow, this post is amazing! I started to really think of God as Abba or my daddy about 9 months ago b/c I don't speak to my dad anymore. That's another story, but it's just to keep me safe. I too, do that in faith. I love to think of God as Daddy. Thanks for the post. Also, I appreciate what you said about how devotion time is really for us....wow, never thought or heard that before. Thank you again so much!
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