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Life Lesson #2 - Being wanted is more significant than being needed.
Some of you may know that I’m a magician. My dad was a big part of that aspect of my life.
Dad took me to conventions, bought me equipment, helped me create and critique my shows. He taught me the business end of magic: how do book and log shows, how do talk on the phone and interact with people. Most significanly for my life today, it was my dad who Dad taught me how to speak in front people and how to have a "presence" before a group.
I started doing paid magic shows when I was 9 years old. By the time I was 12, during the Christmas holiday, I was doing school assembly shows, weekend banquets and dinners. I often would have as many as 6 or 7 shows on a weekend.
The problem was that I needed to get to these shows. Obviously, at age 12, I couldn’t drive.
I needed my dad to drive me to the shows.
If you think about it, at that stage of my life, I was totally dependant on my dad to do the things I wanted to do.
Over the years, many times during those trips, he would say to me: “Paul, right now you NEED me to go with you to these shows. You need me to drive, to help you move equipment. You are dependant on me. But one day you won’t NEED me anymore. One day, you will be able to do it on your own. And my goal as your father is to make you independent so that you don’t need me. But then, maybe you will ASK me to go with you because you WANT me to go.”
See, being wanted is much more significant than being needed.
Being wanted involved choice.
Being needed is a kind of obligation.
Being wanted is about free will. It's an act of love. A choice of presence.
I can still remember the first time when I was able to drive and ASKED my dad to go with me. Not because I needed him... but because I wanted to spend time with him.
My dad taught me that love, isn’t really love, if it is not freely chosen. If it is simply out of obligation.
He taught me that being wanted is more significant than being needed.
3 comments:
Related: my dad taught me the goal of good parents is the independence of their children. Scripture says, "And a man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife. And the two will become one flesh."
I see so many couples getting this wrong. "I will do anything for my child. I will sacrifice anything for them... even my marriage." The one flesh relationship is not the parent child relationship; it's the couple relationship.
Nice message here. Need vs. want. Want vs. need. I get these concepts confused at times. However, I can sense a bit of what your saying when my little one calls me to say hi on a night she is not with me. She didn't have to, she wanted to. Blessings to you.
Paul I loved this & how true your words.
I actually wrote a poem this week about a magician. It was written for Magpie Tails photo prompt!
I enjoyed your post & your insight into being needed & wanted!
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