It's 1:58 am on a Saturday!

Now, to most of my readers, this is no big deal. But given my job, for me to be up this late on a Saturday is a rare thing. I had a game night tonight to celebrate that I didn't have to be fully awake tomorrow... and I won't be. And to be honest, I am actually somewhat bothered by that. I believe God deserves my worship... and that I should gather with my community of faith ready to give God my best worship. And I mean that. So... this is rare for me on a couple of levels.

But it is still pretty cool to not have to work tomorrow.

Okay, so you can learn a lot about people by playing games with them. For one, I have found that I'm an honest person who can't lie in a game to save my life (my mom warned me years ago not to play poker.) But I also found that most of my friends lie quite well. And that Patrick is, well, just pure evil.

And I still can't figure out mdog...

To my friends... thanks for coming over. I really love having you in my life. I consider myself one of the luckiest people in the world. And if I ever have to kill you to keep safe the town of sleepy nod, or sleepy hollow... or whatever the heck Tobias kept calling us... know that I will kill you with great grief... and the love of Jesus in my heart.

Home

There was something pretty surreal about watching my two-year-old walk the same hallways I did when I was two. It seems nothing has changed. Because my parents no longer live there, the house is pretty much the same as when I left 20 years ago: same wallpaper, same carpet... it is amazing. Like stepping back in time.

Home has always been a secure place... and it's almost like time stops when I'm there. But this year I was very much aware of the passing of time. Generations moving on. I have a daughter, my parents are aging. Stores that were there when I was younger, now long gone. And yet it all seems so familiar.

I wonder if heaven will seem familiar? I wonder if it will be totally different, and yet feel so comfortable... like we lived there before. Like everything is as it has always been... or at least should be.

Merry Christmas.

Happy Blog Birthday to me!

Two years ago today I started this blog.




What was I thinking!




I need a life. :O)

Friends

There is nothing like an expected phone call from a good friend to brighten your day!

We miss you both.

.

And to another friend, thanks for dropping by and making cookies. That was just way too cool.

Calls, cookies, and Key Lime pie.

I'm blessed.

I'm just not sure...

So I'm curious: What do my readers think of this? Whereas I think it is good that people get convicted of sin and confess... and I think it is good that leadership be walking the talk... something about this final paragraph bugs me.

"New Life Church leadership requests, again, that, if anyone has factual, first-hand information regarding the spiritual health of this Church, its ministers or ministries, they should report directly to the Overseers through the means provided on the Church's website."

Or am I being defensive?

_________________________

From Monday Morning Insight: A Second New Life Church Leader Resigns

I continue to be impressed by the way that New Life Church is dealing with the Ted Haggard situation. It has lead to another staff member resigning over sexual issues. This is the press release from the church.Check out the pro-activeness of this release. It is clear, concise, and direct (and written by Carol Haggard, a close relative of Ted, who is in charge of media relations at New Life. It reads...

On November 4, 2006, an external Board of Overseers for New Life Church ("Church") permanently removed Rev. Ted Haggard from any position of leadership due to his admitted sexual immorality. The following day, Rev. Haggard advised the Church congregation by letter that he was a "deceiver and a liar" and that he had been warring with a "darkness" his whole adult life.

Immediately after this event, Acting Senior Pastor, Ross Parsley, asked the Overseers to further assist the Church to ensure that its ministers and ministries are rightly ordered as the Church moves forward. As a result, the Overseers interviewed many members of the pastoral staff beginning with the senior leaders.

This process is continuing. The Overseers thereafter invited, through the Church website and other means, any person who had any concerns about the Church's ministers or ministries to contact them. A second group, including independent outside professionals, has interviewed other persons. The Church leadership took this action to make sure that any secondary effects of Rev. Haggard's disordered moral life would not be partof the Church's future.

On Friday, December 8, 2006, the Director of New Life Church's 24/7 ministryresigned his position, and the Church accepted his resignation. The 24/7ministry is a young adult leadership training program. This Director resigned because, in meeting with the Overseers, it became apparent that he had displayed poor judgment in several decisions throughout his tenure. This poor judgment included one instance of consensual sexual contact with another unmarried adult several years ago.

Pastoral work and personnel decisions are, by necessity, often confidential. Throughout the events in the wake of Rev. Haggard's termination, the Church has tried to be open about its disciplinary processes consistent with respect for the privacy of others. It, therefore, plans to make no additional statement about this matter than those contained in this pressrelease.

New Life Church leadership requests, again, that, if anyone has factual, first-hand information regarding the spiritual health of this Church, its ministers or ministries, they should report directly to the Overseers through the means provided on the Church's website.

Merry Christmas to you and yours!

Okay...

Seriously...at least for Mdog's sake... Merry Christmas.

Yummmmmm

Thanks mdog.

A break from the seriousness of this thread....

And I thought Jeff (the friend who loves cars) had some great answering machine messages. Wouldn't you just love to do this?.

Journal Entry: Friday, December 1

Wow, what a difference a single day makes. Honestly, I'm still not crazy about the idea of running into creepy crawlers in my bed, but this place grows on you quickly.

Today, we began working at Montana De Luz property. We broke into two teams and worked on two different projects, but we were all working in the same area, which was great. The group I was not a part of dug up these square sewer thingys (That is the technical name).

So let me begin by saying that Larry J. is one of the hardest working people I have ever met. I don't know for sure, but I think he is around 70. He looks MUCH younger and acts even younger than he looks. Every day, he was the first to start working and the last to leave. And the man works hard. I thought he was a great witness to the Honduran workers.

My group worked on replacing and "cleaning" playground sand. Basically, we shoveled the sand from the sandbox, put it in wheelbarrows, wheeled it around to the back of a building, dumped it, and wheeled the wheelbarrows back... this time with kids! The children were on break, so they spent a lot of time with us, which was fantastic.

Life here is simpler, although their lives are more complex. The kids all are HIV positive, and have a daily medical routine and regular doctor visits. There is so much more to worry about here, but they seem to worry less. Does that make sense? The kids just have a freedom that comes... I guess from just being a kid. But I'm glad they have at least that.

Poverty

I have no pictures of the drive from the airport to Montana De Luz. I wish I could say it was for artistic reasons (fear of blurring scenes, an inability to frame a shot, etc). The blunt, honest truth is that I was just too overwhelmed with what I saw to take any pictures of it.

I have never seen as much poverty as I saw in Honduras. It is pervasive. From the moment we got in the van until the moment we arrived in Montana De Luz, we saw conditions that were deplorable: everything from concrete block houses with dirt floors, to quite literally, a piece of tin held up with 4 sticks. My words seem inadequate to describe the scene.

Even the "nice" houses are below what most of us would feel a reasonable standard living. One of the houses to the right is one of the Montana De Luz volunteer houses in the town Nueva Esperanza. The town was built after the hurricane largely to give housing to displaced families. Some of the Montana staff live there as well. Again, for Honduran standards, the houses are nice. But it was just a reminder to me how high our standard of living really is in the US.

Here is where I most wrestle as a Christian: What do I do? In my mind, (before the trip) I thought I would come back to the US and just get rid of stuff. "Live simply so that others may simply live" and all those wonderful bumper stickers. But that just doesn't seem to cut it. I'm not even sure it is an income issue. Governments are corrupt, the country is in debt, the is no infrastructure to speak of (roads can help an economy, I have heard)... but that DO have a damn nice statue of "Big Jesus."

"Big Jesus" (or his official name: "Jesus Christ in El Picacho") is a 2,500 ton, 100 foot tall statue of Jesus that was built in 1998 to the tune of Lps. 8 million (which isn't bad for such a hunk of rock!) The protestant pastors loudly opposed it, not because they would have used that money to... oh, I don't know, maybe feed people or build roads... but they opposed it because it is a "Catholic" Jesus. Whatever that means.

Former President Reina, along with his cabinet and a number of prominent Tegucigalpa businessmen set up a special foundation with the Archbishop of Tegucigalpa to raise funds for the project. The business sector responded immediately with a flood of donations and each of the cabinet members pledged a full month's salary.

Read that last sentence again... go ahead, I will wait.

[waiting]

Yes, the cabinet members pledged a FULL MONTH'S SALARY.

Now, go back up and read the second paragraph again. Go ahead... I'll wait again.

Yep. That is right. They gave a month's salary for a hunk of rock and yet there is so much poverty. Is there something wrong with this picture?

What do you do with so much poverty? Is it an issue? Do we embrace communism so that there is more equality? Is that the answer? Will that change anything?

And here are some questions: Is my quality of life all that better just because I live in a nicer house? Am I REALLY more blessed? Am I closer to God because of my wealth or does that wealth get in the way? Does my wealth really add anything tangible?

Looking at his disciples, [Jesus] said:

"Blessed are you who are poor,
for yours is the kingdom of God.
Blessed are you who hunger now,
for you will be satisfied.
Blessed are you who weep now,
for you will laugh.
Blessed are you when men hate you,
when they exclude you and insult you
and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man.

"Rejoice in that day and leap for joy, because great is your reward in heaven. For that is how their fathers treated the prophets.

"But woe to you who are rich,
for you have already received your comfort.
Woe to you who are well fed now,
for you will go hungry.
Woe to you who laugh now,
for you will mourn and weep.
Woe to you when all men speak well of you,
for that is how their fathers treated the false prophets.

Journal Entry: Thursday, November 30

"As I write this I'm in Honduras with a team of folks from Central: Larry and Mary Tracy, Maru, Jared, Tina, Wendy, Karen and myself. So far, I hate it. I'm ashamed to say that... but quite honestly I have a lot of fear at this point. I can't put my finger on it. I have fear of all kinds of stuff: getting sick, finding 'things' in my room, getting hurt... I fear facing the truth of my life and all the privilege in which I currently live. And I hate that I'm fearful. I just am.

Montana De Luz is nice enough, although it is way below the standard of living in which most Americans are used to: it is more like a summer camp. But how many summer camp staff tell you: "Make sure you check your bed for scorpions before you get in..." (and then tell you a story of someone who didn't and regretted it!).

What would it be like to live like this all the time? Or worse? Actually, the accommodations here are much better than the vast amount of Honduras. The water is safe to drink. There is a roof over our heads. There is a certain level of sanitation as all the kids have HIV and compromised immune systems. So in a sense, we are very pampered. But right now... I'm not feeling very pampered."

Spiders should not have hair: Reflections on a week in Honduras, part 2

Thursday, November 30

Our flight left Thursday morning, so our group decided to go to Columbus the night before and stay at a hotel so we could be up early. As I laid in bed Wednesday night/Thursday morning, it suddenly dawned on me that I didn't bring my camera bag and that was really stupid thing to neglect. I could not sleep, so I actually thought about driving back to Athens to get it. I laid there thinking, "Okay, it's midnight. If I leave right now I can be back in Athens by 1:30 am and back here by 3:30 am." Must have been the Malaria medication talking. Fortunately, Jared talked me out of it.

We had to be at the airport Thursday morning by 5 am, so we were up by 4 am. The hotel bus to take us to the airport was late... really late... and so we got to the airport by 5:45 am with our flight leaving at 6:20 am. Other than Tina sacrificing her 3.5 oz of Applesauce to the security folks (if they had only been 3 oz packages!), security was pretty normal.

Our flight connected through Texas and there was a "storm a brewin'," so we were delayed on the runway for 1.5 hours. Yes, you read that right... 1.5 hours on the runway; smelling jet fumes... waiting to take off. Now, BECAUSE we were on the runway for 1.5 hours waiting to take off, when we finally DID take off and fly to Honduras, we had to cut our trip short and land in San Pedro... as... yep... we were running low on fuel. So we landed at the San Pedro airport (I use that term very generously), got some fuel, and we were off to Tegucigalpa.

Now, the runway in Tegucigalpa is... well... miniscule. It is the shortest runway I have ever seen. To add to the challenge, Tegucigalpa is surrounded by mountains (notice those big black things just beyond the short runway?). So for a plane to land, it has to first drop out of the sky once it clears the mountains. It is a world of fun.

Upon arrival in Tegucigalpa (after dropping out of the sky to land on the world's shortest runway), the following images stick in my mind:

The money exchanger holding wads of cash... probably thousands of dollars. They don't bother with banks in Honduras apparently, there are these guys who just walk around with HUGE wads of cash and change your money.

The realization that I have no luggage. Yes, the airlines decided to break my run of dozens of fights without ever losing a piece of luggage. I think this was the most appropriate place to lose luggage though...seeing that I would be working in the heat, sweating like a pig (yes, I know that pigs don't sweat!) and having only brought one extra shirt in my carry on. More on the lost luggage later.

The young kids who met us on the street asking for money as we walked to the car. There is something even more compelling about kids begging in Honduras... but we were given very clear instructions about not giving money... which alleviated some of the guilt.

Our team met our driver (a Montana staff person who spoke only Spanish) and then loaded into a red van for the hour-long drive to Montana De Luz on the main road (I use that word, "road" very generously). Driving in Honduras is... well... an adventure. There are no rules. Heck, there are no lanes. The attitude is basically, "Hey, there is some open space between these two cars (mountains, etc) I think I will wedge my car in there!" Passing on a blind curve going up hill? Not a problem! Although this usually would bug me and make me tense, I have to admit I laughed about it more than I worried about it. Mostly, because I was so struck by all the poverty.

To be continued.

An aside... everyone sing along!

"Jesus is mad, this I know.
For the Bible tells me so.
Little ones make him insane.
When He comes, He'll bring the pain.

Yes, Jesus is mad.
Yes, Jesus is mad.
Yes, Jesus is mad.
The Bible tells me so."

Spiders should not have hair: Reflections on a week in Honduras, part 1

So I think I could blog about this past week for the next several months. To be honest, I have been a bit hesitant to post as I think I'm still processing it all.

I think it is safe to say that the Thursday I showed up in Honduras, I was ready to leave, vowing never to return. The very next day I met the kids of Montana De Luz. Wow.

Let me say, I really don't like kids all that much. I feel pretty uncomfortable around them. Granted, some of that has changed with me having my own... but I still am not a kid person. But these kids won my heart pretty early.



There is a lot of pain around Honduras. To be honest, to me the most overwhelming thing was all the poverty. If you have never been to an underdeveloped country, you can't really understand what it is like. The drive from the airport to Montana de Luz was one of the most confusing/painful/eye-opening/terrifying times of my life. The poverty is staggering. And, in time, I will reflect on that.

But, in the midst of all that pain, there is a lot of joy. In the midst of conditions that I have never experienced before, these kids live. Fully live. Don't get me wrong, they are kids. They fight, and cry, and sometimes want things their way. But these same kids, all HIV positive, all living in conditions which any of my readers will probably never experience, make and sell jewelry to raise money for "less fortunate" kids. All together now.... wow.

So to Kevin, Wendy (both of them!), Omar... to all the kids of Montana de Luz... thanks for showing me life. I will hold you in my heart forever.

Back...

And changed.

Gingerbread House

The other day my wife and daughter made a gingerbread house. Well, my wife did... my daughter basically just watched (and bit the head off the gingerbread man at the appropriate time).

She watched in amazement as my wife's hands built the frame of the house and carefully placed each piece of candy. A very new sight for her.

I think she was proud of her mommy.



Sometimes it is great to get the chance to re-live your childhood as an adult.

I'm so proud, not that I had anything to do with it.

Matt Eich was voted "College Photographer of the Year."

Matt is a great guy and has more photography talent in the fingernail of his left-hand pinky that I will never dream of having in my whole (rather large) body. Matt and I went through his portfolio at Donkey a couple of months ago... I almost sold my camera that very night.

Behold.

I would love to shoot like that.

About to fly...

Items prohibited from aircraft cabins:

The following items will not be allowed through the security checkpoint. Please note that this list is not all-inclusive. In addition to items specifically listed here other items that may be deemed to present a potential threat may also be prohibited.

Ammunition
Automatic weapons
Axes
Baseball bats
BB guns
Billy clubs
Blackjacks
Blasting caps
Bows and arrows
Box cutters
Brass knuckles
Bull whips
Cattle prods
Compressed air guns
Corkscrews
Cricket bats
Crow bars
Disabling chemicals or gases
Dog repellent spray
Dynamite
Fire extinguishers
Flare pistols
Golf clubs
Gun lighters
Gunpowder
Hammers
Hand grenades
Hatchets
Hockey sticks
Hunting knives
Ice axe/Ice pick
Knives (any length)
Kubatons
Large heavy tools (such as wrenches pliers etc.)
Mace
Martial arts devices
Meat cleavers
Metal scissors with pointed tips
Numchucks
Pellet guns
Pen knives
Pepper spray
Pistols
Plastic explosives
Pool cues
Portable power drills
Portable power saws
Razor blades (not in a cartridge)
Religious knives
Replica weapons
Revolvers
Rifles
Road flares
SCUBA knives
Sabers
Screwdrivers
Shot guns
Ski poles
Spear guns
Starter pistols
Straight razors
Stun guns/shocking devices
Swords
Tear gas
Throwing stars
Toy transformer robots (this toy forms a toy gun)
Toy weapons

I'm really glad they listed some of these... I was about to take my bull whip and throwing stars on the plane with me.

Damn.

Welcome to the annual, "protect our goats from idiot hunters," painting party!

My friend likes his goats. The title of this post says it all, but here is the story:

My friend told me that several years ago some idiot, either from Columbus or Cleveland, shot some guy's prize stud billy goat, tagged it, and brought it to the local deer station/carryout. (The farmer who owned the goat happened to be there eating breakfast at the time --oops! This little incident cost the hunter $1000 dollars for that error in judgement.)

So every year, for thanksgiving, my friend and his kids spray-paint their goats to protect them during hunting season. (Animal lovers, don't worry, it's the same stuff kids use to dye their hair for halloween.)

And what do they paint to keep these goats safe from stupid hunters?

Play

So I was looking over some old posts... reminiscing I guess... and I came across this one. And I decided that I wanted to host a night where we play tag, or hide and seek, or kick the can, or do a scavenger hunt. I used to do this stuff all the time when I was in youth ministry... I see no need to quit just because I'm not. Truth is, there is no reason an "adult" can't play games. Although there are not a whole lot of 39 year olds playing hide and seek in our neighborhood.

But maybe there should be.

Create a Caption Contest, part 2

I love it

When they publish this in English, I'm all over it.

I'm not sure people are picking up the humor... or was it meant to be serious?

Election Fallout Apparent*

Election 2006 fallout: Evangelicals Stock Up on Bottled Water, Pork Rinds

HOUSTON, Texas (NN) -- In the wake of a Democratic takeover of the US Congress, Evangelical Republicans are bracing for what could very well be the beginning of the great tribulation spoken of in the book of Revelation.

One could almost hear the angels blowing the trumpets of the apocalypse as baby-killers, gay-rights fanatics and godless liberal Democrats won control of the US Congress. Fourteen years of Republican control of Congress along with six years of a Bible-believing, born-again president failed to bring about the millennial rule of Christ; leaving more than enough time for the forces of evil to regroup and once again deceive the nation.

Not since Y2K have evangelicals been so earnest about stocking up on nonperishable foods, bottled water, and ammunition. Some despondent Republicans were aimlessly wandering the streets of Southwest Houston, while others donned sackcloth and ashes - visibly shaken and fully expecting the imminent judgment of God to fall upon America.

Evangelical leaders immediately called their followers to ‘get on their faces’ before God and repent of their pride and arrogance. Time will tell whether evangelical Republicans see the error of their ways, or whether they simply hunker down and await the days of the Beast.

*From Monday Morning Insight

Halloween

What is Halloween without fog?

And lights... don't forget the lights.

ROCKY!

Adapted from "Monday Morning Insight" for pastors:

Headline: Sylvester Stallone's Conference Call with Pastors

Recently pastors were invited to take part in an unusual phone conference call: with 'Sylvester Stallone (as in, “Rocky”).

An email that went out to pastors: "Sylvester Stallone cordially invites you, as a leader in the faith and family community, to JOIN HIM ON THE PHONE LIVE this Friday. Sly would like to take some time to talk to you about the faith and values that run through the Rocky films, and share with you about his upcoming movie, Rocky Balboa, the final chapter in the Rocky story."

Question: Why is Sylvester Stallone doing a conference call with pastors?

The company behind this promotion is called, "Motive Marketing." Motive is taking advantage of the syncretistic state of American Evangelical “Christianity” by using Christians and churches to promote movies. They encourage pastors to preach sermons based on their movies and encourage churches to have events based on the movies -- with the goal of the studio selling lots of tickets and making lots of money.

Motive is very proud of their success marketing the Passion of the Christ (about the Bible) and Chronicles of Narnia (based on the Bible). So now they are going to go ahead try the same “let’s make the Christians do our work” method for a movie that makes no claim to have a Biblical basis.

Does this bother anybody?

I got a call from a friend of mine who lives in Florida. She is a photographer and was invited to a "sneak peek" of Narnia last year. She called me repulsed. She said it was a good movie... but she felt so manipulated. Later, I got packets of material on how to use the movie to create a sermon series. (Complete with sermon outlines!)

Okay, maybe.

But Rocky? (Yo! Magdalene!)

The thing is, this campaign will probably be successful. And I will not be at all surprised to get a packet of sermon outlines and glossy postcard from a church advertising their new 4-week series: “Rocky: The Heart of a Champion.”

But....

What are your thoughts?

When do we "use" culture and when does culture use us?

When a pastor falls, part 1

The recent revelations about Ted Haggard have me thinking once again about the topic I have struggled with the past year... so many of collegues and friends falling into sexual sin. I know I need to preach on this, but have been trying to wait until it was less of an emotional issue for me. The Haggard thing just tore open the wound again... maybe I need to "bleed" before Central.

Here are the final letters that were written by Ted and his wife Gail that were read to his congregation. I find them profoundly honest and full of hope...

I am going to talk about this with Central... most likely sooner than later, but I wonder if any of you have thoughts?

Welcome to my world

I wish I could say that stuff like this is not common. In fact, it is a somewhat common part of my world. What is "amusing" is when people call and criticize but do it couched in spiritual language or, almost as bad, in the midst of a complement (when you know that they called not to complement you but to criticize.)

As bad as this stuff is as a phone message (and yes, I have gotten several calls very similar to this), it's worse as an email. I think email is cowardly and should be outlawed as a means of serious communication.

But that is just me.

First Kiss

So, it's your first kiss and several questions might come to mind:

Is it the right time?

Is anyone watching?

Does your partner even want to?

Is your breath fresh?

Then you lean in and just go for it!

Love Thy Neighbor

City councilman, Mark Easton, lives in a neighborhood in Utah surrounded by mountains. He had a beautiful view of the east mountains...until a new neighbor purchased the lot below his house and built, thus obstucting Mark's view.

Apparently, the new home was 18 inches higher than the ordinances would allow, so Mark, mad about his lost view, went to the city to make sure they enforced the lower roof line ordinance. Mark and his new neighbor had some great arguments about this, as you can imagine — not great feelings. The new neighbor had to drop the roof line — no doubt at great expense.

Recently, Mark called the city and informed them that his new neighbor had installed some vents on the side of his home. Mark didn't like the look of these vents and asked the city to investigate. When they went to Mark's home to see the vent view, this is what they found...

Great Band Competition

Today, mdog and I went to see the Athens Band Invitational. Wow. It was a stunning display of passing out trophies.

Thanks mdog.

Breakfast Club

I had forgotton how much I loved this movie.

Create a Caption Contest

I have no idea what the prize is... fame? fortune? Probably not.

But give it a try.

I'm thinking I should apply.

From the blog: Monday Morning Insight

Wanted: Innovative and Relevant Pastor Needed Immediately

Nazarene Nooz has just posted a pastor job description for an opening at Fairweather Church. See if you qualify...
_____________

Fairweather Church of the Nazarene seeks a senior pastor who is in the top 0.01% of up and coming Nazarene leaders in the USA. You must submit solid references, a detailed track record, and a picture of you with your family.

Please do NOT apply:

--If you are older than 40.
--If you have served at any church for less than three years.
--If your references have no name recognition OR if the name recognition they have is for bookish pursuits like teaching theology or writing books.
--If you are interested in bookish pursuits like teaching theology or reading books.
--If you are a woman OR if you are a man too much acquainted with your feminine side.
--If you have fewer than three children.
--If your wife looks like a ‘before’ picture for one of the extreme makeover shows.

Qualifications:

--Must have experience with transforming an organization from pathetic to powerful using a no-nonsense, head-bashing style of leadership.
--Must be able to project sincerity while demanding the loyalty of those who know better.
--Must be comfortable with giving orders and squashing dissent.
--Must be adept at asking for input and then ignoring it without fostering discontent.
--Must be willing and able to raise most or all of your salary by developing channels of commerce within the church. (day care, preschool, restaurant franchise, resale of items donated as tax write-offs,)
--Must have experience with gradually ‘bleeding’ the bad elements out of a church without making the church anemic.
--Must have at least ten years of experience and a willingness to boast about it.
--Must have been a high school and/or college athlete and be willing to boast about it.
--Must be able to do every conceivable role in a Sunday morning worship service. (so you are not held hostage to the bad elements within the music and/or drama program)
--Must pay lip service to church tradition while seeking to supplant or trivialize it.
--Must sing the praises of the denomination while counting the days till you can fire all of the losers around you.
--Must be able to talk like a post-modernist while being a dyed-in-the-wool modernist.
--Must have at least one psychiatric disorder that makes you more able to work 80-90 obsessive hours per week for the benefit of the church.
--Must be arrogant and opinionated in a humble, Christlike way.
--Must be able to fake it till you make it when in the spotlight.
--Must understand the difference between lying and telling people only as much as they need to know.

About Fairweather:

We are located on the growing edge of a growing community. We are poised to be the Wal-Mart to all the pathetic Mom and Pop churches who still tell people to turn to hymn #212. We are in an affluent community and most of that money is at the lake or the ballparks on Sundays because most churches are so darn boring. We want a pastor who can draw all people unto himself. The church government will be upon his shoulders and he will be called wonderful and a counselor; a prince among pastors. We are praying that, like Moses raised up the snake in the desert, God will raise up a messiah for our community.

If you think you fit this description then you are either sorely deceived, or you are the one whom God will send to us in the fullness of time.

Nickle Creek

By the way, a quick comment about Nickel Creek (who I have to confess, I had never really listened to before Wednesday and was not all that excited about going to see...)

wow.

Rape down, porn up?

This is somewhat disturbing and I really don't know what to think about it.

Comfortable in my skin

So I have come to a relatively new thought lately. I'm slowly become comfortable in my skin. Now, not literally. In fact, I'm more and more uncomfortable with my weight and what that means. I more and more see it as something deeper than just too many cookies.

But I think I like me more (maybe I can flesh this out more in future posts).

1. I'm more okay with not having all of the answers. More specifically, I'm okay with questions. Ambiguity. Wow that is freeing. Theologically, I would say that I'm conservative. No... I'm not. Yes, I am. No, I'm not. Grrrrrrrrrr!

I don't fit a camp. And you know what? I'm okay with that. I know that Jesus is my God and more and more I think he is the most amazing person -- and my best thought. I understand him more... and less... every day.

2. I'm okay with being the leader I am. I don't have to have all the answers here either. I can just ask the questions. I can be hard on the problem yet not have to defend my particular solution. Freeing.

3. I think I like getting older. I went through kind of a mid-life crisis this year. (I bet I will go through another.) But you know... age really has it advantages.

4. I'm more and more secure in my calling. I'm less and less worried about what others think, particularly my colleagues and supervisors. I feel less and less the need/desire to impress.

I want to write more... but us old guys need our sleep.

More later.

What would it be like...

From an email I got this morning about an upcoming church conference...

"From the Pittsburgh Emergent Village Cohort -- Gathering at a former church building converted to a brewery/restaurant, called The Church Brew Works in Pittsburgh, a group of growing friends began to ask the question - What would it look like to simply be the Church – nothing more and nothing less?"

WOW! I can't believe they really asked that question! Man, churches NEVER ask that question! These folks are so faithful to the gospel because they sat in a brewery and had the NERVE to ask the question that NO other church and NO other pastor DARED ask for the last 2000 years! WOW... THEY are so cutting edge. And THEY really want to be the Church! (Unlike those institutional churches that don't really care about being the church... they are just dead...) NO these guys are doing it right.

[Please take a moment to wipe the dripping sarcasm off your screen.]

There is so much pride in the church. I'm sick of churches trying to be hip or cool or to make Jesus seem hip or cool. "Wow, WE are going it right. You've got to have contemporary music, or media or candles... or you've got to be in a house church to be faithful...or you have to be against the institutional church or Contemporary Christian music is stupid... [just fill in the blank]"

Man.. we really need to get over ourselves.

And if I ever write a ministry book and put my face on the front cover... just shoot me.

"restore gently"

"Live creatively, friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day's out. Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ's law. If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived."

Gal. 6:1-3 (The Message)

"Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself."

Gal. 6:1-3 (NIV)

____________________

Must have been the translation they were using. Maybe I don't understand the Greek; that must be it.

Would my readers look this over and see if it says somewhere, "Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should kick him out on his ass"?

H2O!

I now have water. But it is more like a "drippage."

I just love that word.

MAKE UP YOUR MIND!

So Monday I had too much water... today I have none.

What?

I've always wanted waterfront property

So I hear that having a house on the water increases the value of the home...

Oh My God... part 2

No, someone really didn't do this.

Broadcast? Nah!

This was sent to the church nursery email account...

"Hi there lovely,

This kind of opportunity comes ones in a life. I don't want to miss it. Do you? I am coming to your place in few days and I thought may be we can meet each other. If you don't mind, I can send you my picture. I am a girl. You can correspond with me using my email at [address removed for this post]"

It's amazing, really.

Good fences make bad neighbors

A couple of months ago, my neighbor and friend, Mdog, had a fence that was built around her yard. (Apparently the company that owns the storage units thought someone would steal their grass). It is just a chain link fence, but what it has effectively done is turn a true neighbor (a person within easy walking distance), to a friend who has to drive to my house. This sucks.

Last night I got an email from someone who, in what seems like a lifetime ago, was a best friend. We had a falling out and I had been working to reconcile the relationship. In the fewest words possible, this person poured out bitterness and resentment -- it's certainly too much and too personal to explain here... but that really sucked.

I have had a lot of friends in my lifetime. I think I do now. These are people I just love to do life with. I love it when we are together. I love to hang out together. I love to serve together. (And I struggle with this because I realize that most of the people I consider close friends are people I, in some way serve with, And maybe I need to just own this... that the closeness is reinforced by a regular contact I have with them through church). I love and cherish my friends and consider myself really, really blessed.

But in our lives we have very few best friends.

Best friends are those people who just "get you." Usually they come into your life (or are formed) in a season were you really need them (HS, college, crisis, life in a new town, etc). They are the people you call up when you order a large pizza and know there is no way you can eat it all. And so last minute you call and say, "Hey, I have this pizza... want to eat it with me?" The relationship is two sided. You are their best friend and they are yours.

They are usually not romantic relationships. Sorry, this is just true. Yes, my wife IS my "best friend" in that she is the person I'm closest to... and yes, when we dated we spend a ton of time together and it felt great. But there are needs your spouse/fiancee/boy/girlfriend can't meet... it is too much to expect out of one relationship.

In an ideal world, there is a casualness about your relationship. It is easy to get together. You don't have to make an appointment a month in advance to hang out. You have long dinners together and watch movies. Conversation flows. You can sit in silence.

You know... this world works against having friends.

What makes a friend? Anyone want to share?

Impersonal Auto Responder

I will be gone for the next 4 days to a conference but my email auto responder is not working. So every time you send me an email, please come to this page and read the following:

"Paul is out of the office until Monday, August 28. The truth is he just doesn't like you and doesn't want to be burdened by your email this weekend. So quit bugging him."

Okay, seriously, I like you all. But I just thought an auto responder like that would be really cool.

David Seamands dies...

So this probably won't mean anything to any of you, but I just found out that one of my mentors in ministry, David Seamands died July 29. David taught a counseling class I had in seminary and his son, Steve, was my mentor through the ordination process. David was an incredible pastor and insightful counselor. His book, "Healing for Damaged Emotions" was one of the books that changed the course of a lot of people's lives... and helped form a lot of people's theology, including mine.

So much more to write, but I just think I will grieve a bit instead.

Are you sick of my depressing posts?

If you are sick of me writing sometimes depressing posts... then I recommend jumping down to the previous "Oh my God" post.

[Go ahead, the rest of us will wait.]

There is a guy in my congregation who is really sick. He may be dying. He and his wife have both been struggling with illness this year. One in the hosptial, than the other. At one point, the wife was getting tests done in the same hospital as her husband. Makes for a shorter drive time.

This couple has been married 60 years next month.

60 years... yes, you read that right. 6-0.

I went to visit him in a Columbus hospital on Saturday and ever since then I have had this image in my head: he is laying in the bed, tubes running out of his body, eyes closes, body twitching, his wife sitting at his bedside, stroking his face, saying over and over, "This is so hard. This is so hard."

She is in her 80s. Her hands show the years of use... as well as the bruises from recent medical treatments. Yet, up against his suffering face, it is as if I can see the hands of her youth -- stroking his face as if it was the first time. Affection.

And I go back to a common theme of my life... and this blog... which is that life is just hard.

I can't imagine being married 60 years. I really can't. What would it be like to lose someone after 60 years?

Honesty time: marriage is hard. I've been married 13 years. It started out hard, then got easier. About 4 years ago my wife and I were in wedded bliss. My marriage was everything I could have ever wanted it to be. On a scale of 1-10, I would have rated it an 11.

But then life gets in the way.

It is really easy to get distracted. To grow lazy. To divert attention.

It takes a lot of work to stay connected and to be affectionate to each other. And most of us are just too selfish to do that for the long haul. I can only supposed that during those 60 years this couple had those dry times. It's too bad that so much affection waits until pain.

Denver Reflections, part 1

Last week, I spent several days in Colorado. I thought I was going there for a wedding of a good friend, but I think God's purposes might have been a bit bigger. To be honest, the first few days were somewhat of a drag. I was stuck in a hotel room with no Internet or movie channel (which were both supposed to be included), and a pair of men's underwear (which I can only assume were NOT supposed to be included). Of the people I knew, I was the only male. On top of that, I'm a pastor... and nobody wants to party with a pastor.

An aside... pastors are human too and like to have fun.

So while the women were having their late-night slumber parties (having pillow fights in their underwear... which is what ALL women do at slumber parties, right?), I sat in my room and... well... wrote sermons.

An aside... pastors get sick of writing sermons.

There is so much to reflect on from the week, but as a good friend has said, "What happens in Denver, stays in Denver." Which is not nearly as secretive as it sounds (we didn't do anything immoral)... it is just fun to say.

First, I stand by my recent post about the importance of going deep with people. Obviously, you don't want to go deep all the time... people get sick of that... but I found my best conversations with several people where when we let our guard down and didn't talk about industrial lubricant.

I met an amazing guy who was going to be a youth pastor. He was hurt by the some stuff and subsequently never darkened the door of a church for almost 30 years. Although he is a little rough around the edges, we hit it off instantly. I felt like I could hang out with him for hours at a time... hypothetically speaking... in a bar listening to blues and talking about life. I wish he lived in Athens.

I also met an amazing women who, despite losing her mom and dad, is so full of life and Jesus that I was often overwhelmed. She is one of the most interesting women I have ever met... and that is saying a lot. She knows more about the Old Testament than I would ever dream of knowing. She is fun, exciting, caring... a bit blunt (which I loved)... and one hell of a driver.

I also "met" a friend I thought I knew. I saw a side to her that I have never seen... and I really liked. It was an open, vulnerable... and very real side. I respected her before... I respect her even more now. She is a godly women who has a whole lot going for her.

Now...for the rant...

Women.

That's right; Women.

I thought I had you figured out. I really did. I consider myself pretty relationally intelligent. I know people. I'm very intuitive. But guys... just so you know... you don't have them figured out.

You really don't.

No, no. I know you THINK you might, but you don't.

Women are very complex.

Women analyze everything.

They read into stuff that I would never, ever, consider reading into.

And that causes them a lot of undue pain. Largely because men are sometimes jerks.

We don't know it. We don't always mean to act like jerks. We don't even know we are acting like jerks. But being a jerk is very deep in the fallen nature of men. We often just think about us. We are selfish.

Now, I realize women are selfish too... but that doesn't excuse us being selfish.

So I'm going to try to be less of a Jerk and I would urge all my male friends to do that same.

"Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others."

What do you think?

I'm curious what you think about this.

Rick Warren is the Pastor of Saddleback Church (and author of "The Purpose Driven Life"). This is from an email I just got.




"The Saddleback staff standards on moral integrity" by Rick Warren

No matter how many times I hear it, it still shocks me: A pastor announces his resignation because of adultery. Often it’s with someone within his church, sometimes even someone actively involved in ministry, such as a choir member or Sunday school teacher.

It’s such an incredible waste of God’s resources that it not only grieves me – it angers me. I have told my staff that if any of them even flirt with temptation, I will come after them with a baseball bat, and I’ve told them to do the same with me.

As Christian leaders, we need to be above reproach. Paul wrote, "Don't be so naive and self-confident. You're not exempt. You could fall flat on your face as easily as anyone else. Forget about self-confidence; it's useless. Cultivate God-confidence." (1 Cor. 10:12 MSG)

That’s why I established these Saddleback staff standards for maintaining moral integrity:

- Thou shalt not go to lunch alone with the opposite sex.*

- Thou shalt not have the opposite sex pick you up or drive you places when it is just the two of you.*

- Thou shalt not kiss any attender of the opposite sex or show affection that could be questioned.*

- Thou shalt not visit the opposite sex alone at home.

- Thou shalt not counsel the opposite sex alone at the office, and thou shalt not counsel the opposite sex more than once without that person’s mate. Refer them.

- Thou shalt not discuss detailed sexual problems with the opposite sex in counseling. Refer them.

- Thou shalt not discuss your marriage problems with an attender of the opposite sex.

- Thou shalt be careful in answering emails, instant messages, chatrooms, cards, or letters from the opposite sex.

- Thou shalt make your secretary your protective ally.

- Thou shalt pray for the integrity of other staff members.

* The first three do not apply to unmarried staff

"But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.” (Eph. 5:3 NIV)

Oh...My...God...

Okay... this is...ah....um.....ah....interesting.

I guess it's not funny unless you know the real song.

But okay, honestly, I think this is hilarious.

Back Home

At some point I will blog about this week... but suffice to say that it's 1:45 am (God's time) and I'm home.

A good friend and I spent a lot of time this weekend talking about industrial lubricant. But we are on Eastern Standard time... so that is all I will say. God is very good. So are good friendships.

Thanks friend.

Tiffany gets hitched

Today my friend Tiffany gets married. As I write this, I'm sitting in a lobby of a hotel, wearing a suit, getting ready to go to the wedding.

You know, marriage is hard. And they have a lot of rough spots ahead of them. But marriage is an excellent place to learn and practice grace. And that is a good thing.

The passage of Scripture I'm reading during the ceremony is from Romans 12... but here is verse 9.

"Let love be sincere; hate what is evil, hold on to what is good. Love one another with mutual affection; anticipate one another in showing honor."

I don't know what translation this is from... but I really like it. Read it again a couple of times. Memorize it. I think that one is worth holding onto.

"Anticipate one another in showing honor."

I can post on my blog and Mdog can't!

Man, I need to get a life.

Leaving... on a jet plane....

And like Mdog, I know when I'll be back again. In fact, I come back on the same plane as her.

So the flight is delayed (only 15 minutes) and I practice good flying educate, so I get to the airport 1.5 hours early. So I've been checking email and reading all your blogs. I think it's cool that Columbus airport provides free wireless... seeing many of them charge. (I paid $450 for my plane ticket... wireless better be free!)

So I love to people watch. And airports are a fun place to do it. Almost as much fun as a mall.

It interesting how much you can "tell" about a person by watching them. What they are reading, how they are dressed. How their bags are packed. What bags they are carrying. What they are doing while they wait. I'm betting I can tell if a person is a business traveler or traveling for leisure and how often they travel with pretty good regularity. You can tell by how they walk and what they are looking at.

There was a time years and years ago I thought the idea of flying was exciting. Adventurous. Now, I do it with such regularity that... well... it has lost it's luster in some ways. But only some.

But to be honest, I love the window seat... and it is not unusual for me to spend a 3 hour flight largely looking out the window. I'm amazed by the concept of flight.

Well... it won't be long until they call my flight. Here is hoping you all have a good week.

Oh, this can't be true...

But even if it is not, it's funny.

A monkey has learned to control a remote arm to fling its own poo at researchers. From the article: "Researchers at Duke University have taught a lab monkey to control the movement of a robotic arm, using only signals from its brain. The monkey's immediate utilization of this new skill was to shower a group of neurobiologists with feces, according to the report by lead researcher Miguel Nicolelis."

Oh please, oh please, oh please be true!

Bike to Nelsonville... check

There is an end to that bike path.

Never Picture Perfect

The other day I went to the hospital to visit someone. I guess some people think that all pastors DO are hospital calls, but I really don't do them that often. But I really like this lady and I sense she is really scared... so I drove to Columbus. I had to drop off my daughter at the grandparents... so it was 4 hours on the road for a 20 minute hospital visit. But it was well worth it.

It was worth it for her because I was there. And to her and her generation, I represent God. I used to fight that with every part of my being. "We are all priests! I'm not special as the pastor," I would demand. And that is true.

But then last year I spent a couple of days with one of my mentors, Rob Bell. And at the end of our time together, he knelt down and served me communion. And yes, I know Rob is just a guy, but I was in the presence of not just Rob, but the God he and I both serve and love. It was a holy moment for me because it was Rob. (I hope that makes sense.)

All of this is to say that our hospital visit was a holy moment for both me and this woman. Holy for her, because her pastor cared for her. Holy for me, because I was in the presence of brokenness, pain... and faith. Hospitals are a humbling place.

On the ride to and from the hospital, I put in a Rich Mullens CD, "Never Picture Perfect." I haven't listened to it in years... but it was a very moving experience for me. I think Rich is an amazing song writer... his words touch me -- even if his songs are now a bit outdated. But they touch me, partially, because I came across them in a very formative time in my Christian journey.

The title song is about his family. And although Rich is from farm stock, and I'm from the "rust belt," it has never been too difficult to put myself into that song. Really, it is a song I would sing about my family.

"My folks they were always the first family to arrive
With seven people jammed into a car that seated five
There was one bathroom to bathe and shave in
Six of us stood in line
And hot water for only three
But we all did just fine

Talk about your miracles
Talk about your faith
My dad he could make things grow
Out of Indiana clay
Mom could make a gourmet meal
Out of just cornbread and beans
And they worked to give faith hands and feet
And somehow gave it wings...

The song closes with this bridge...

And now they've raised five children
One winter they lost a son
But the pain didn't leave them crippled
And the scars have made them strong
Never picture perfect
Just a plain man and his wife
Who somehow knew the value
Of hard work, good love, and real life

I just love the way Rich speaks of his family... and as I said, it is the way I see my family. I came from pretty humble stock. When I was really young, my dad worked 3 jobs to put food on the table. I never thought of myself as poor, but I guess we were. Well, financially poor, relationally rich.

My parents are just ordinary people... but in my eyes they will always be bigger than life. My dad is my hero. He was the best man at my wedding and is one of the most generous men I have ever known. He as taught me a lot about God just by being so faithful to my mom and my family. My mom is my role model for the perfect women (my wife is very much like her). She is one of the most brilliant people I have ever known. She was an amazing mom, and quite the success in the working world as well.

All of this is to say that, if you didn't know this about me, you need to know that I'm incredibly close to my parents.

I just got off the phone with my dad. And I sense that he is quickly on the downward track in terms of his health. He has been struggling with his health for years, but I sense that this life is drawing to a close. Wow, it took me a long time to write that last sentence. In fact, I sense these are a lot of "last moments" for us. I savor the time with him... when we last saw him he was reading to my daughter and I took a lot of video tape of it... thinking... that may be the last time.

Life really isn't picture perfect. Life is really, really hard. And really, really sad. And people we love, die. And it's messy. And as I type these words I am failing miserably at holding back tears. And my wife is sleeping on our couch and I look at her and she is more beautiful than the day I first met her. But we will pass away. Even this good thing will end.

And my days of biking to work are numbered. Someday I physically won't be able to do it. And the joys of this life, things I often take for granted: a good meal with friends, reading to my daughter, sex with my wife, walks with my mom, waking on a Sunday morning and being able to stand and worship God with these amazing people I know and love... all those things will pass away... at least in the form I currently understand them. "Everything that can be shaken is shaken and all that remains is all I ever really had."

And I guess I really don't like this.

And I guess I have a lot of questions about it.

But I know this: this life is not the end of the story. And I can't tell you how much I cling onto that hope. I know, in the core of my being, that although I die, I will live. I have this profound hope that no matter what pain this life brings (and I expect a lot of it), there will be that day when there will be "no more mourning, crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

Biking for a purpose

By the way, I made a decision the other night. For the first time in my life, I want to physically train for something. I have decided that, next summer, Laura and I are going on a bike tour. Most likely of Maine. It's one of those things were you ride 20 miles or so a day... and then visit towns, etc. A friend of mine is doing this in a couple of weeks and when he told me my eyes lit up and I decided.... "I want to do that."

So I'm biking with a purpose.

Now I need to learn basic bike maintenance.

If this doesn't do it...

Man, if this doesn't make you go organic, nothing will.

First Street Hill... check [revised]

Today I went for a bike ride just to ride. I took Lemaster down to the bike path and then around to the Eclipse town. The significant thing is that I make it up first street hill...

Let me add that first street hill isn't a major deal for real bikers... but for me, it was my first milestone. I'm biking to Nelsonville tomorrow.

Magic by computer

Try it.

U2

I'm a pretty big U2 fan, but I don't listen to a lot of music. Just recently, I started listening to them again and was reminded what an incredible band they are...

Anyone looks better singing their songs.

I guess imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Chatting away...

I've been sick since Tuesday... nothing serious, just a dull ache in my stomach and nausea. Nowhere near as bad as some friends of mine, but still annoying. Fortunately, nothing pressing is on my plate, so I have been kind of a slacker this week.

Sickness lead to boredom, which this week, lead to chat.

I got on chat for the first time in over 8 years (when chat first started). My how it has changed. First, there are a lot of hormones out there. The room names are the first hint: "married and lonely," "30 and Flirty," etc. It's actually pretty sad. The "funny" thing is that the rooms have a description... and it usually is something like, "Come on in, the beer is cold and the food is plentiful..." as if it was an actual room... a real party (as opposed to a bunch of 14 year old boys trying to talk dirty to girls.)

So I picked my name..."Paul" (I'm not very creative) and signed on.

"Fresh meat!" the room cries. Suddenly a bunch of people are PMing me, "a/s/l" (age, sex, location).

First, why would I start a conversation with someone demanding my age, sex and location? It really is none of their business. It just seems rude; abrupt. So I just didn't respond. I watched the room and found a couple of people who seemed, "normal." (Meaning every word wasn't a sexual innuendo and their name wasn't something like, "Born_to_bone."*

Finally, I met a couple of people who were okay with just talking: Rob and Dixie. Rob and I talked about Grisham novels, Drum Corps and our families. Dixie and I talked about our families --we both are the same age, happily married, have one daughter (22 months old), and both waited late in life to start having kids. We actually spent some time talking about why the heck we were chatting at midnight (I had slept during the day and was not tired- it was only 11 for her... she was out West).

And we talked about God (I was inspired by "The Big Kahuna"). We talked about pain, and fear, and raising a child, and being a good spouse. And does God care about those things? ("Yes, I tell her.") She went to church as a child but does not remember anything about God or Jesus or the bible. She really doesn't think of spiritual things. She just goes on with her life.

But for someone who doesn't think of spiritual things, she sure did ask a lot of questions...

At then end of my chat with Dixie, she said how refreshing it was to talk with me. She said she hadn't talked with someone like this in a long time. She said she felt, "more alive" after talking with me.

That made me really sad.

Because, in fact, it was just another conversation for me. I have conversations like this pretty much every day of my life.

But maybe most people don't. Maybe most people are so far removed from people who talk about anything deeper than their work and the weather (or cyber sex)...

I think we all long for deeper things. I have always held a deep conviction that most people want to talk about the deep things of life. And the longer I live, the more that is lived out in my experience. I have found that people love to talk about God... and struggle... and relationships...and pain. And they love to be prayed for... even if it is over chat.

I challenge my readers to go beneath the surface. Not just with strangers, but with your friends. Find out how they are really doing. What they are struggling with. How it is with their family?

How is it with their soul...

It's too bad we spend so much time talking about industrial lubricant.





*I was inspired to get on chat because of a Dave Barry column. That was the name of one of his characters.

So maybe I need more practice...

Read previous post...

My front yard is very irregularly shaped. In fact, it is really hard to cut. And it never looks nice and neat like our neighbor's yard.

My wife and I just went to lunch. As we were getting in the car, I proudly pointed out that I just mowed our lawn...

She teasingly poked, "Yea, it looks like it was mowed by vandals."

I married her for those moments.

Cutting grass

So I just got done cutting my grass. Yes, I know it's Monday at noon and probably all of my readers are hard at work at your job (or two, or three) but, where there are several disadvantages of being a pastor, one advantage is that sometimes I can cut my grass on a Monday at noon if I so choose.

Okay, so I cut my grass on Monday because I work most weekends. Maybe it's not too much of an advantage.

But anyway, so what is it with people who cut their grass so much? I have neighbors, who, mind you, are really nice people, but you would think their butts/hands must be artificially grafted to their mowers. They cut their grass two times a week! Their lawns look like golf courses!

I like my house to look nice, but come on...

You have got to be kidding.

Don't just read the article, you have to watch the video. Who needs a dating service when you have 911?

Biking update

So in response to Jen... :O)

I have really enjoyed biking to work. So far, I have only a week under my belt (5 trips) I just hit the 60+ mile mark. Hardly a huge record compared to Jen, but hey, seeing it is almost as far as I have biked in the previous 3 years, not bad.

There are some changes I must make (keep a stock of clothes at the office and maybe buy a larger bag to carry my stuff, buy a windbreaker and learn how to do simple maintenance), but so far, I have to confess, I really like it.

I like that I get some exercise, that I run with rabbits and squirrels every morning, that I have seen 7 deer so far, that I'm not driving a car (and using gas), and honestly, it gives me a strange feeling of accomplishment. There is a certain competitive streak in me that makes me want to beat my time and have a higher average speed... but sometimes I just like to cruise.

And Jen was right... it appears my hand problem was nothing more than muscles that had not been used much... it it much better.

Thanks again to all who encouraged my latest goal.

I just realized...

I just realized that three posts I have made to this blog in the past several weeks have not actually been posted. And they are gone.

I was wondering why no one was responding!

Only a little sweat

So I picked up my bike from its first tune up... got on it for the first time in 2 years... and biked to work today. Honestly, it was not bad, and no where near as far as I thought it would be. I think it's about 6 miles... it took around 25 minutes.

Going to work was not a big deal, going home will be more of a big deal, as there is one hill (Hemlock) which looks like... well... it could kill me. (Get it? Hemlock? Kill me? HA!)

There is no reason I can't do this regularly. I need to do some adjustments as my hands are shaking from the pressure... I know that is not good. But soon I suspect will be looking for a longer route.

They always say that to lose weight or get healthy, you need to find exercise that you can work into your life, that you enjoy and that renews you. I have to say, that was pretty fun.

Thanks Jen.

For my coffee addict friends

For all of you who just need your coffee fix, I ask you... how much do you REALLY know about your coffee?

I can't believe this

I think, inspired by a friend, that I may actually start biking to work.

That just sounds WAY too healthy.

Thanks

By the way...

Today is national "Take your dog to work day."

I love dogs... but can you think of jobs where this may not be a good idea?

Surgeon?

Visa Accepted

Okay, so I think spam is stupid, annoying, and should be somehow outlawed -- and while you are at it, the senders should be hung upside down by their toes with bamboo shoots rammed under their fingernails...

But seriously now, why would anyone EVER think of giving this company your Visa number? ("Well, I got it in my inbox...and they do SAY they are FDA and Visa approved... it must be legit!")

"There are jiffy of life when you are not fully poised in yourself. This can happened because of many many possible reasons work trauma, body fatigue, bad mood or just a bad climate. And the nastiest case is when you can not fulfill the your fiancée. This is when we come to help you and restore your carnal condition and your manhood confidence in our online shop

A down-to-earth reinforcement will help your slight john-doe because a real JOHNDOE making your mate shriek from a pleasure.

Easy to use with flawless price (up to 30% money off comparing with similar products). Shipped in tasteful box with 1 day distribution."

I'm guessing the phrase "restore your carnal condition" is about whether or not a Christian can lose his/her salvation? Seems like an odd place for a theological argument, but those wacky spammers!

Inner life...

"Natural gifts, such as personal charisma, mental brightness,, emotional strength, and organizational ability can impress and motivate people for a long time. Sometimes they can be mistaken for spiritual vitality and depth. Sadly, we do not have a Christian culture today that easily discriminates between a person of spiritual depth and a person of raw talent...

"We must always be aware that there are leaders who can build great organizations (including churches) on natural gifts. Say the right words, be smart enough to do the right things, be insightful enough to connect with the right people, and one can go a long way before anyone ever discovers that the inner life is close to empty."

(from Gordon McDonald, "Ordering Your Private World")



This book has been one of "those" books in my life. I have read it several times... each time gaining something I didn't before. If you have not read it, and especially if you are a "type A" personality, I think it is require reading. The premise of the book is that many people spend a lot of time and energy working on their outer world (what they project to others) and neglect the real inner one... who they really are before God. McDonald compellingly calls us to live with integrity... it is a challenging book for me.

Interesting note though: Just a few years after this book was published (it has sold over 1 million copies), McDonald had an affair. Here he was, telling pastors to order their private lives... and he was not ordering his own. I remember when I found this out (years ago at my first church) -- I had just read the book and made some changes to my life... then found this out. I was in despair.

"Man, if the guy who wrote the book on it can't do it..."

Being a person of faith is always harder than talking about it.

Happy Birthday to Kevin

Today is Kevin J. birthday. Make sure you bug him... sing to him... especially if you sing off key.

Still trying to get you to talk...

Just go and appease him.

1/4 of a life

This morning I drew a timeline of my life. I know, that sounds strange... but I did. And it dawned on me, that I have spent a 1/4 of my life in Athens at my current job. That just seems strange to me.

Think of all the years you spend as a child... how long childhood seems to last. Or the teen years, which seemed to last forever when you are in them. Heck, band practice seemed to last forever! I have spent twice as much time here than I did in college... yet college was such a mile-marker in my life. I have been here 3 years longer than I was at my first church when I left.

So I have been working through some questions I found this summer and wrote in my journal. They are from a book called, "Half-time," and where, quite honestly, I was not all that crazy about the book, the questions are good.

Here is the one I worked through this morning: "Am I missing anything in my life that might be important?"

Most of my reflections centered on health/weight... as if I am going to be effective/functional in the second half of my life, I need to address this now (Or yesterday).

But you know what I really want as well? Friendships. Not short term, but long term. I realized the other day that I have no friends in my life (other than my wife) who have been close to me for a long time. My friend Brian from seminary is probably the longest friendship I have had that I still (somewhat) keep in touch with... but I have no friends from HS or college that I still see regularly.

A while back, I was at a birthday party for a couple of friends (Mdog was one of them!)... and I realized that those people around that circle were, perhaps, some of my closest friends I have had in my life... and some of the longest. And it just felt right to be there.

More and more, I think I'm willing to give up a lot for long term friendship. Yes, I could move to a bigger church and get paid more... I could have more "adventure" in my life and ministry... but it is more important to me to have my daughter know my friends.

It would be wonderful if these friends I have now were in my life in 20 years.

Athens isn't the best place to get a job... or even to "grow" a church. So what? Whoever said that a job is the most important thing?

So as part of my mid-life crisis, I'm asking my friends to stick around. I would like to grow old with you if that is okay.

Edited post

So I posted something the other day and then removed it. I decided to re-post it, although I deleted two sentences... but you get the gist of it!

______________

So this is going to be one of those posts that my professors in seminary would tell me not to write. "Always keep your distance, don't be too vunlnerable with people."

I turn 39 soon. Wow, even looking at that feels old. I almost wrote "29."

For me, turning 29 was harder than turning 30. Turning 30 was eclipsed by coming to my current job. In many ways it was a "promotion." I was moving. I was young. I was being watched by my superiors. I was the up and coming thing...AND I felt in the center of God's will (even if it was one of the hardest things I have ever done.)

Now I'm no longer young. Yes, I know I'm not "old"... but I'm not young. And I have passed up some opportunities to move "up the ladder" in my career for staying right where I am. While I wouldn't say I'm no longer "successful" in some sense, I haven't lived up to my own expectations as a pastor. My church, as much as I love it and as much as I am committed to it... isn't where I thought it would be after 9 years here. And I can't blame anyone but... well... me. (Pastors joke that the first 3 years in a church, you can blame most of the bad stuff on the person who came before you... it's not true, but at least you can use it as an excuse!)

I wonder if I make a difference sometimes. I know I do... and people do tell me... but you know... there is always the, "I could be doing more." Maybe it's "I could be being more."

I'm really not sure what brought this on. This has been a "mid-life crisis year" for me! (Maybe that is why I rent convertibles at conferences!) But physically I feel terrible. I'm really overweight and the only person I have been able to sustain a regular workout routine with is now moving!

Now, here is the thing... I still love my job, and I have what must be considered the "good life..." In many ways I'm pleased with my life. In fact, there is a good chance I will wake up tomorrow and I will have a totally different attitude. But right now I just feel really raw. Does that make sense?

Some pastor is trying to get us to talk...

Just go and appease him.

For the record...

I woke up this morning... and don't feel any different.

I have been put in my place

A friend of mine had some surgery this week on his vocal cords. I really felt bad that I could not be there at his surgery (AND that I had to miss it to sit through annual conference -- see previous posts), but I knew after the surgery he could not talk so calling him didn't make a lot of sense.

So I called him and left a message on his machine this afternoon. Told him how we should get together and talk. Went on and on about missing talking with him. [snicker, snicker]

I just got a phone call... and I checked my caller ID... it was from him! He was calling.

And I'm thinking, "How in the @#$@ is he calling me?"

I have very smart friends.

Annual Conference Summary

I was tempted to put the heading as "Exciting things that happened at Annual Conference this year..." and then leave the body of this post blank, but that would not be quite as true as the humor would suggest...

Annual Conference is a once a year meeting of all the pastors and equal representatives from churches and districts. We have around 1,400 pastors (all don't make it) and an equal number of lay people... so around 3,000ish people show up. Seems to me that there were less this year... but still a honking lot of people.

We meet at Lakeside, Ohio... a beautiful location, but lousy do work in as the facilities are WAY too inadequate and it is so darn beautiful that you never want to actually BE in sessions to do the work you are supposed to be doing. For the past couple of years there have been petitions to move our meeting to a conference center in Columbus. I have mixed feelings about that... as Lakeside is really pretty... but it is hard to get any real work done.

There are worship services, lots and lots and lots and lots of reports, and we do some legislation... and then there are some reports, and ordination services... and did I mention the reports (from every stinking committee and ministry every created?), recommendations from our conference to government leaders, the larger United Methodist Church, etc.

Honestly, I get really cynical at Annual Conference. There were a couple of years I got so SICK of all the politics and infighting that I left... one year I went home the first day and didn't come back.

So this year something really strange happened.

It was a kinder, gentler conference.

Now, don't get me wrong, some of the debates were the only things to keep most of us awake. Secretly, many people (in both camps) enjoy them as, at least they are interesting. The debate is usually over homosexuality, and it often gets VERY heated. And people (usually in the more liberal camp) do demonstrations, etc, to get noticed and it usually feels very manipulative to me... (not the the more conservative camp is any better... they are just rude). And I understand why. It is a tough and heated issue.

But this year, much to (I think) all of our surprise, people were... well...civil.

Maybe even a bit more Christ-like.

This year... well... we seemed to put our guard down a bit.

There was more honestly.

I liked it.

I think Jesus did too.

Mdog is my friend

So if my memory serves me right, mdog has a good friend moving today. And I'm betting she could use some cheer. So visit her... and tell her you love her.

I just want to say to her and everyone that I (well..."we," meaning that my wife agrees with my sentiments) think that she is a terrific person and a great friend. And we are hoping for years, and years, and years with her as our neighbor and friend. (Although the fence made a statement that she wants to keep her distance.)

We love you Maria. We hope our friendship goes on and on and on and on and on and on...

Much like this conference, but less boring.

and I thought my service was long

So a couple of weeks ago we had a worship service that was just over 2 hours long. Senior testimonies, Communion, sermon, extended worship set... yea, it was long.

But I'm sitting in a worship service that has been just over 2 hours and 10 minutes long already... and we are FAR from done. And I'm leaving.

testing

why is this blank? is it still?

my greatest fear...

is that my computer battery is quickly dying... leaving me with no connection to the outside world, no way to escape this reality in which I am currently trapped.

I really need to buy a secondary battery.

why?

Why do people who create Powerpoint slides think that putting a bunch of pictures (usually overlapping) on the same slide is effective?

And do we really need to use every time of wipe and dissolve available in every presentation?

must... sleep... or... have... caffeine

Latest update from Annual Conference....

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

more news from the front

now we are working on an amendment to the amendment

Worried about high gas prices?

Well, this is one solution...

our agenda so far

Let me see... so far...

Treasurer's Report
Board of Pension and Health Benefits Report
Legislation #17 - Board of Pensions and Health Benefits
Chancellor's Report
Report on the United Methodist Children's Home

Oh my.

I don't fit

So I'm here at Annual Conference, and once again I realize how little I fit in. I'm not saying that in a whining way -- I have friends who use "not fitting in" as a badge of honor ("Oh look, I'm so special I don't fit into any category!")

I just say it as an observation.

Theologically, I don't fit with my conservative friends (my old camp) because I refuse to see God as that rigid. I also don't fit that camp politically anymore in some ways. But I don't fit into the liberal camp... I can't see God as that "open." I believe in truth (even if we can't always know it).

Worship style. I am really struggling here... lots of robes and liturgy. And that is fine... but it's just not me. But I'm not into the "Jesus makes me happy" contemporary Christian stuff. Really, that is fine too... there are seasons where that fits... I'm just not there.

I am on the committee to plan this conference next year. That scares me. Because on a scale of 1 to 10 -- level of satisfaction with what is happening -- I'm about a 2. I would guess most people are about a 7-8. So my thought is just scrap everything and start fresh. The odds of that happening are slim to none.

Blogger is freaking out right now...

My next Job

COLUMBUS, Ohio:

With all the violence on T-V and in the movies these days, there's a never-ending demand for dead guys in Hollywood. Where do they find these bodies? One place to look is DeadBodyGuy.com.

Chuck Lamb of Columbus, Ohio has set up a Web site showing photos of himself pretending to be dead. He hopes casting agents will notice.

In one shot, he's slumped over a table, oozing fake blood. In another, he pretends to be crushed under his garage door.

Lamb says he can "lay around with the best of them." And if you don't believe him, he says to ask his wife.

My job

There are days when being a pastor is hard. I'm often involved in the messiness and pain of people's lives and my hours are anything but regular. I sometimes get "projected onto me" all the problems people have with authority figures, as I am a safe authority figure, unlike their father who abused them, or their teacher who neglected them, etc. And there is a spiritual warfare that happens to those in Christian leadership (especially those of us who teach regularly) that can only be experienced, never described. To be honest, being a pastor is sometimes just really hard.

But then I have nights like tonight. Tonight our creative team (me and 6 people I just really love a lot) spent about two hours together, as we do every Tuesday night. The funny thing is, this is clearly part of my "work." It is part of my job that I'm actually PAID to do!

We are supposed to be together to plan our worship services, and we do that, but we seem to have a LOT of fun in the process. And there is no doubt in my mind that I would do this for free. In fact, I would pay money to be a part of this group.

So to Jared, Beth, Maria (mdog!), Tobias, Jake and Kevin... I want to tell you that you not only make Central and our worship better, you make my life so much better. I really do love you guys, and I'm so privileged to work with you... and to have you as friends. I am the luckiest guy in the world.

What do you think?

So I'm thinking about starting a Central blog. I would continue with this one... as this is more for me... but this other I would publish in the program and the website.

I think after a year and a half of doing this I have proven to myself I can keep it up and post regularly.

What do you think?

Reviews

The reviews are better than the movie.

"You know a movie's a dud when even its self-flagellating albino killer monk isn't any fun. "
John Beifuss, COMMERCIAL APPEAL (MEMPHIS, TN)

"I cannot vouch for the novel, but the movie is a remarkably underwhelming experience."
David Cornelius, EFILMCRITIC.COM

"Way too long and duller than watching Da Vinci's paint dry...takes away the book's little credibility and makes the flaws more obvious."
Edward Douglas, COMINGSOON.NET

"As for the film's entertainment virtues, forget it. This is one of the most talky and pretentious major films in memory."
-Steve Crum, VIDEO-REVIEWMASTER.COM

“…small, surprisingly ordinary movie… Ron Howard, it turns out, was precisely the wrong person to bring Dan Brown's best-selling novel to the screen.…”
Boston Globe

“…ludicrous and the ridiculous race …demands suspension of beliefs, and not just religious ones… Following its labyrinthine absurdities is like listening to a convoluted story on a cell phone that keeps dropping out.…”
Ed Blank, Pittsburgh Tribune-Review

“…The surprise, and disappointment, of The Da Vinci Code is how slipshod and hokey the religious detective story now seems.…”
Owen Gleiberman, Entertainment Weekly

“…Ron Howard's stilted 'Code' is hardly a masterpiece… Although it is guaranteed to stir debate, the film itself is never stirring. It is like a cilice itself, confining and constraining the characters, the story and, finally, the audience…”
The Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel

“…visually static and wearying… The Da Vinci Code can be summed up in one line, spoken by its earnest protagonist after a pal is kidnapped: 'I've got to get to a library!' Be still my beating heart. A library. Next, we'll all compare flavors of dental floss. …the drama feels more like melodrama, especially with the heavy-handed music…”
The Arizona Republic


Okay, there were some postive ones. But these were more fun.

I actually believe it will win all kinds of award... but only because of the politics and because it is anti-Christian. But we will see.

I saw the DaVinci Code

So I saw the DaVinci Code this morning at 10 am. Christianity will survive. I'm not sure I can say the same for Tom Hanks' career.

I would like to know what others thought who saw it. I thought Hanks was at an all time low and the women who played opposite of him... wow... that was really bad.

I'm not being catty here. Even as a Christ follower, I don't have a problem with people seeing the movie if that is what they want.

But I paid $10 to see it...and I should have waited for the DVD.

Damn

I'm at a conference in CA... on how to grow a healthy church. I just found out that a colleague of mine, a pastor of a very large and successful church, just left ministry because he had an affair.

Damn it.

I'm mad. I'm hurt. I feel betrayed... why I feel betrayed is beyond me...

But I can't tell you how many "successful" pastors I know... several who were friends of mine... crashed and burned due to affairs. I seriously could NOT count them on one hand.

Mostly I'm scared. I'm really, really scared. I have the greatest wife in the world and a pretty strong marriage as far as marriages go... in fact, a really strong marriage. But what the hell is going on?

I'm so... what emotion AM I feeling?

How can pastors grow a healthy church when so many of us are so unhealthy? This is NOT what I want for my life. If people look at my church and say, "Wow, what a great church" and then look at my life and say, "I certainly don't want that!" than I am a miserable failure.

God help me if I ever allow my ministry to replace my life.

Impersonal Auto Responder

I'm leaving for a week to go to a conference, which means I won't be checking my email. Which means I usually turn on my auto responder. Well, mdog was over last night, and she, my wife and I got a bit slap happy. We created the following auto responder.

Dear "To whom it may concern":

I will be out of the office May 15 - 20.

You may be asking, where in the world is _______ ________? [insert "Carmen Sandiego" theme music here].

From the home office in Glouster, Ohio, the top ten places Paul might be:

#10. I'm trapped under my filing cabinet.

#9. In an undisclosed location that rhymes with "Ritmo".

#8. In the Pyrenees juggling wild monkeys.

#7. Testifying before a Senate subcommittee hearing on the perils of juggling wild monkeys.

#6. Back in 1955 - "Blues riff in B. Watch me for the changes and, ah... try and keep up."

#5. Quarantined with a severe case of halitosis.

#4. Right behind you. ["Oh no... the email is coming from inside the house!"]

#3. Auditioning for the U.S. Bikini Team.

#2. Yemen.

And the top place Paul might be.....

#1. At a leadership conference.


If there is an emergency or you need immediate assistance, please contact the church office at 740-592-2389 or email them at [Spam deleted]

Thanks.

paul


The only problem is that... for some reason... when I woke up this morning to give my email a final check, there were 923 emails in my inbox! Most of them copies of my auto-responder. What's up with that?

Sorry mdog... I turned it off!

Sheeseh