My job

There are days when being a pastor is hard. I'm often involved in the messiness and pain of people's lives and my hours are anything but regular. I sometimes get "projected onto me" all the problems people have with authority figures, as I am a safe authority figure, unlike their father who abused them, or their teacher who neglected them, etc. And there is a spiritual warfare that happens to those in Christian leadership (especially those of us who teach regularly) that can only be experienced, never described. To be honest, being a pastor is sometimes just really hard.

But then I have nights like tonight. Tonight our creative team (me and 6 people I just really love a lot) spent about two hours together, as we do every Tuesday night. The funny thing is, this is clearly part of my "work." It is part of my job that I'm actually PAID to do!

We are supposed to be together to plan our worship services, and we do that, but we seem to have a LOT of fun in the process. And there is no doubt in my mind that I would do this for free. In fact, I would pay money to be a part of this group.

So to Jared, Beth, Maria (mdog!), Tobias, Jake and Kevin... I want to tell you that you not only make Central and our worship better, you make my life so much better. I really do love you guys, and I'm so privileged to work with you... and to have you as friends. I am the luckiest guy in the world.

What do you think?

So I'm thinking about starting a Central blog. I would continue with this one... as this is more for me... but this other I would publish in the program and the website.

I think after a year and a half of doing this I have proven to myself I can keep it up and post regularly.

What do you think?

Reviews

The reviews are better than the movie.

"You know a movie's a dud when even its self-flagellating albino killer monk isn't any fun. "
John Beifuss, COMMERCIAL APPEAL (MEMPHIS, TN)

"I cannot vouch for the novel, but the movie is a remarkably underwhelming experience."
David Cornelius, EFILMCRITIC.COM

"Way too long and duller than watching Da Vinci's paint dry...takes away the book's little credibility and makes the flaws more obvious."
Edward Douglas, COMINGSOON.NET

"As for the film's entertainment virtues, forget it. This is one of the most talky and pretentious major films in memory."
-Steve Crum, VIDEO-REVIEWMASTER.COM

“…small, surprisingly ordinary movie… Ron Howard, it turns out, was precisely the wrong person to bring Dan Brown's best-selling novel to the screen.…”
Boston Globe

“…ludicrous and the ridiculous race …demands suspension of beliefs, and not just religious ones… Following its labyrinthine absurdities is like listening to a convoluted story on a cell phone that keeps dropping out.…”
Ed Blank, Pittsburgh Tribune-Review

“…The surprise, and disappointment, of The Da Vinci Code is how slipshod and hokey the religious detective story now seems.…”
Owen Gleiberman, Entertainment Weekly

“…Ron Howard's stilted 'Code' is hardly a masterpiece… Although it is guaranteed to stir debate, the film itself is never stirring. It is like a cilice itself, confining and constraining the characters, the story and, finally, the audience…”
The Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel

“…visually static and wearying… The Da Vinci Code can be summed up in one line, spoken by its earnest protagonist after a pal is kidnapped: 'I've got to get to a library!' Be still my beating heart. A library. Next, we'll all compare flavors of dental floss. …the drama feels more like melodrama, especially with the heavy-handed music…”
The Arizona Republic


Okay, there were some postive ones. But these were more fun.

I actually believe it will win all kinds of award... but only because of the politics and because it is anti-Christian. But we will see.

I saw the DaVinci Code

So I saw the DaVinci Code this morning at 10 am. Christianity will survive. I'm not sure I can say the same for Tom Hanks' career.

I would like to know what others thought who saw it. I thought Hanks was at an all time low and the women who played opposite of him... wow... that was really bad.

I'm not being catty here. Even as a Christ follower, I don't have a problem with people seeing the movie if that is what they want.

But I paid $10 to see it...and I should have waited for the DVD.

Damn

I'm at a conference in CA... on how to grow a healthy church. I just found out that a colleague of mine, a pastor of a very large and successful church, just left ministry because he had an affair.

Damn it.

I'm mad. I'm hurt. I feel betrayed... why I feel betrayed is beyond me...

But I can't tell you how many "successful" pastors I know... several who were friends of mine... crashed and burned due to affairs. I seriously could NOT count them on one hand.

Mostly I'm scared. I'm really, really scared. I have the greatest wife in the world and a pretty strong marriage as far as marriages go... in fact, a really strong marriage. But what the hell is going on?

I'm so... what emotion AM I feeling?

How can pastors grow a healthy church when so many of us are so unhealthy? This is NOT what I want for my life. If people look at my church and say, "Wow, what a great church" and then look at my life and say, "I certainly don't want that!" than I am a miserable failure.

God help me if I ever allow my ministry to replace my life.

Impersonal Auto Responder

I'm leaving for a week to go to a conference, which means I won't be checking my email. Which means I usually turn on my auto responder. Well, mdog was over last night, and she, my wife and I got a bit slap happy. We created the following auto responder.

Dear "To whom it may concern":

I will be out of the office May 15 - 20.

You may be asking, where in the world is _______ ________? [insert "Carmen Sandiego" theme music here].

From the home office in Glouster, Ohio, the top ten places Paul might be:

#10. I'm trapped under my filing cabinet.

#9. In an undisclosed location that rhymes with "Ritmo".

#8. In the Pyrenees juggling wild monkeys.

#7. Testifying before a Senate subcommittee hearing on the perils of juggling wild monkeys.

#6. Back in 1955 - "Blues riff in B. Watch me for the changes and, ah... try and keep up."

#5. Quarantined with a severe case of halitosis.

#4. Right behind you. ["Oh no... the email is coming from inside the house!"]

#3. Auditioning for the U.S. Bikini Team.

#2. Yemen.

And the top place Paul might be.....

#1. At a leadership conference.


If there is an emergency or you need immediate assistance, please contact the church office at 740-592-2389 or email them at [Spam deleted]

Thanks.

paul


The only problem is that... for some reason... when I woke up this morning to give my email a final check, there were 923 emails in my inbox! Most of them copies of my auto-responder. What's up with that?

Sorry mdog... I turned it off!

Sheeseh

From a pastor friend of mine...

My appointment as pastor coincided with the church's appeal for aid for victims of a hurricane.

Unfortunately, on my first Sunday in the church, the center page of the church bulletin was accidentally omitted.

So members of the congregation read from the bottom of the second page to the top of the last page: "Welcome to the Rev. Andrew Jensen and his family...the worst disaster to hit the area in this century. The full extent of the tragedy is not yet known."

What's up with that?

So it's Thursday night and I'm taking out my garbage as I do every Thursday night. I walk innocently to the mailbox to get the mail... and what do I find but a GRADUATION ANNOUNCEMENT FOR KAREN.

From High School no less!

What's up with that! She is only 8! I remember meeting her... we were standing in the hall at Central.

What the %$#& are they doing letting an 8-year-old graduate from High School! Something is not right about that and I for one am NOT going to take it!

[Looks over at 20-month-old daughter sleeping]

"God, teach me to number my days aright..."

Not that I have hundreds of readers anymore...

I want to send my readers to another blog. I've been reading this guy for a while now...I'm curious, what do you think of SAM's post?

Faith Healers: It would be funnier if it wasn't so true...

During a revival meeting, a faith healer asked the people in line what they needed. One man's request was for his hearing.

The healer determed it was a demon of deafness, so spit on his finger, put it in the man's ear, and yelled, "In the name of Jeeezus... come out."

He held out the microphone asked him, "How's your hearing now?"

The man said, "I don't know - it's next Tuesday."

My kind of joke...

Little Nancy was in the garden filling a hole, when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the girl was doing, he asked,"What are you up to Nancy?"

"My goldfish died today," replied Nancy tearfully without looking up...."and I've just buried him."

The neighbor laughed and said condescendingly, "That's a really big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

Little Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and replied, "That's because he's inside your cat!"

Alarm

I heard a pastor this weekend give a sermon that talked about the difference between worry and alarm: Worry being chronic, alarm being the thing the propels you to action.

Well, on the morning we were supposed to go to my wife's neurology appointment followup, my daughter just decided to start screaming. Not a "I'm cranky, pay attention to me" scream, but a "my arm's being cut off" scream. We tried all the normal things to calm her down and distract her... but after an hour we took her to Urgent Care. Urgent Care had a two hour wait... makes me wonder why they call it "urgent care" and not "sometime when we get around to it" care.

We still have no idea what happened...she is better now... but life is full of "alarm."

Fun with Hebrew

I'm not a big Tom Cruise fan.... so I think this is hilarious. Actually, it's hilarious even if you LIKE Tom Cruise... which you probably don't.

"Why didn't you just go back to your ancestors' language, and call the kid 'Scram Cruise?'"

It's not like I didn't have the opportunity...

Tomorrow I will be 14,180 days old.

It's funny to think of it that way. I've had 14,180 sunrises/sunsets to watch. 14,180 days to grow, think, reflect about life. I have changed... actually, I have grown a lot. I don't say that arrogantly, but I have learned sometimes hard lessons and now live/think differently because of them. I worry less, trust more, think more about others than I used to (I was too busy thinking about myself.) And I'm not as concerned with my image and what others think of me... and more concerned about what God thinks of me.

But man... you would think that with 14,180 days I would be further along by now!

Just fyi, you can find out how many days old you are and share your reflection on this question:

What is the more important lesson you have learned in your days?

"Teach us to number our days aright, so that we may gain a heart of wisdom."

"Blessed are the Peacemakers"

Tonight my wife and I had mdog over to have dinner and watch a movie... and her true nature comes out.

Quote from mdog to bloggingpaul... "We need to get you a new injury."

Easter is coming...

Generally people who are dead stay dead, but things have changed.

Cosmic Alignment

On Wednesday of this week, at two minutes and three seconds after 1 a.m., the time and date will be 01:02:03 04/05/06.

That won't ever happen again.

You may now return to your (normal ?) life.

Quote of the month...

An actual conversation between my wife and me as I try to talk her into letting me break my lenten fast...

Me: (teasing) "I mean, maybe I'm just being legalistic here!"

Her: (teasing back) "Isn't legalism just a word we use to describe other people who are more obedient than us?"

She is a pretty sharp cookie. I like her.

it's friday!

I did that for mdog.

Weekends are strange for me. Being a pastor, there is very little "Thank God it's Friday" going on. And despite the cartoons, there is no "Thank God it's Monday" as Monday my wife works and, to be honest, I'm still emotionally recovering. For those who have never done it before, there is something about preaching that is exhilarating and draining at the same time.

But my life has very little rhythm to it. My job does not allow a lot of structure. Some of that is great... some of that is lousy. I don't think I work longer than most (40-60 hours a week), but the hours are strange. And NEVER the same from week to week, and often times, not very predictable. (You can't plan a funeral, an emotional crisis, or even a lot of counseling.)

I have a friend who is now working Sundays. That must suck. Now, I think he took this on himself as he is working at least two jobs... and this allowed him to re-arrange his schedule... but that would still suck. Maybe it doesn't bother him, but it would bug me.

It's a beautiful day. Yesterday I spent a couple of hours with a friend and we walked The Ridges. ALL of The Ridges. It was tiring, but exhilarating at the same time. (Isn't it funny how life is like that?) See, an example of my schedule. I could take a couple of hours out of my day and walk.

So all of this rambling is that last night I felt like an absentee husband and father. I got home last night and really missed my wife. We tried to connect but I went to bed feeling really distant. I'm betting she did as well. I still feel out of it... but I need to leave as I have an appointment at 7:30. I was hoping this post would clear my mind... but I'm not sure it helped all that much. And you may have waisted a couple of minutes of your life as well. Sorry.

And while I'm at it...

will someone redesign Apple's web site? I would like to be able to find things...

man, I sound like a real grouch... I'm really a nice guy.

Okay, maybe not.

Okay, so I'm not impressed with Apple

So those of you who known me for over a year know that when I got my Apple Powerbook I was overjoyed. I could not brag enough about it. So now I need some help... it seems to be running slowly... and I can't tell you how UNDERwhelmed I am with Apple Care and technical support. The Apple store in Columbus tells me I need to call Apple Care. Apple Care tells me I need to make a reservation with a "Mac Genius" in the Colubus store...and the process is a pain. And so far, the people have been pretty rude.

I'm really, really not impressed.

So Thursday I go to Columbus and meet with my "Mac Genius." Well, I don't know that because you can't make a reservation until THAT DAY. OR I can pay and join a group that allows you to make a reservation a week in advance... of course I already paid $250 for Apple Care. And you have to do that at the store.

Did I say I'm not impressed with Apple? I'm really, really not impressed.

Okay, so the customer service better shine on Thursday or Apple will lose a big fan. And a repeat customer.

Whatever happened to nice people?

Why?

God, why do people have to live like this when I have so much?

Wait, don't answer that question.

Is there a solution?

I just read about a guy in Batavia who shot a 15 year old boy for walking on his lawn. Wow. What do you do with this? No sane person would do this right? But is it enough to just say, "Not guilty by reason of insanity?"

So I wonder if "they guy who lived alone" had had a community of people who loved and visited him and stopped in and checked on him... who talked with him about his lawn concerns...I wonder if the story would have been different? And where are those people? I mean, I barely have enough time for my life it seems... but...

Wow.

Not sure of the accuracy but...

Okay, I'm not sure of the accuracy of this site, but I found it a bit overwhelming.

The cost of war.

Naps

Naps are one of the greatest inventions yet. I'm guessing all my readers have tried this amazing innovation, but if not... I have a simple question: What the @#$@ do you have to do that is more important? I mean, really? Not work I hope. You can't be that important that you have to work every day, right? I guess you could just lay around, but that is pretty close to napping so you might as well just shut your eyes for an hour or two.

Do you think God sat around one day and said, "You know, I think on Sunday afternoons I'm just going to flip this switch and they will all sleep -- that way I can get some shut eye too!" If I were God, I think I would arrange that. Fortunately for all involved, I'm not.

Are you SURE that isn't happening? I mean, how would you know? You are sleeping! Maybe you only THINK others are awake. And maybe when you shut down, God turns off the sun too (or at least powers it down). He sends out the night janitor team to walk through your brain and sweep out all the stuff that needs cleaned out. Polishes up the brass. Changes bulbs.

"On the seventh day God rested from all of His work."

This was a good idea.

Scare...faith... mystery...

I just got back from the hospital an hour ago. Earlier this evening, my wife was working out and passed out... they reported she had a seizure (although she has no memory of the event). She, apparently, is fine. They did a bunch of blood work and other tests. (Actual quote from the doctor: "We did a CT scan of her brain and we found nothing.")

It's funny. When I found out, the first thing I did was call a some friends who had walked with us through some really hard times previously. I wanted them to pray for us. I guess I could be down on myself... the first thing i did WASN'T pray myself... I wanted others to pray. Maybe that is a sign of a weakness in my faith... or maybe a sign of a need for one another... who knows. But I knew God was with us... again... no matter what happened on this particular leg of the journey.

But tonight brought up all kinds of insecurity in me again. Maybe tore open some scabs that I thought had healed over. I guess healing takes a long time. Maybe I have not really recovered from all that happened surrounding the birth of my daughter.

So...strange twist to the story.

I had taken my daughter shopping when my wife went to work out. It was really strange, but when my daughter and I were driving back from shopping, at some point, out of the blue, I just got really depressed. I actually started crying uncontrollably, so much so that I almost had to pull of the side of the road. I could not figure out why, or what brought it on. When I got to the house, my wife called to tell me she was in the emergency room. I called the fitness center to see what had happened and, from my best calculations, she had passed out right when the darkness hit me. Strange I know, but I think there is a lot more mystery to this world than I believed 10 years ago.

I'm going to try to go to bed.

Thank you God for giving me, even just another day with the woman I love. I promise you now, as I have promised you in the past, that I will continue to love her and cherish her as Christ loved the church. I pray you would give me long life... not for my sake, but so that I can love my wife even that much longer, and that much better. I will continue to lay down my life for her. I'm so blessed and thankful to you... my Rock and my Redeemer. You have truly given me far more than I could ever have asked or imagined.

For my fellow fans of "The Simpsons."

Some people have WAY too much time on their hands.

Go to church, get a chicken

Okay, I like their sandwiches, and a Christian business is fine and dandy...but is this strange?

I'm trying to think of a poultry pun, but it's just not coming...

Mourn with those who mourn...

And now for the continuing saga...

A while back I wrote about an atheist who put himself up for bid on ebay. Apparently, there is more to the story. Won't this be an interesting one to track!

White-out

White-out... just another good reason to be thankful for computers.

Photo observation

People keep telling me that when I take pictures I should keep the horizion level. I have decided they are full of it. (Sorry if you are one of those people, but I doubt anyone reading this gave me that advice.) I like it when photographers tilt the picture.

So there.

Mystery

I love the church I'm pastor, I really do. I honestly believe that there is no other place I would rather be, and no other people I would rather be with, than this congregation. Most of the time, I wake up thinking, "I'm the luckiest guy in the world." (And the only reason I didn't say "all of the time" has less to do with the congregation and more with me!).

And overall, I love our worship style. (For those "non Central" readers, I guess you would call us a "contemporary worship" congregation, although I hate that label for reasons I won't get into).

But there is a real limitation to the "contemporary worship movement." And I see this in almost every congregation I have visited that does contemporary worship.

My opinion is that we have sucked most of the mystery out of God. AND, we have detached ourself from 2000 years of Christian tradition. In our effort to avoid what some of us grew up with, (unexplained symbols, boring hymns, responsive readings where we are running through the motions, etc.), I think we may have thrown the proverbial baby out with the bath water.

Where "hollow traditionalism" is not good, I'm really getting tired of "buddy Jesus." (By the way, I don't think we promote "buddy Jesus," but it can be a fine line.) I think, if we are not careful, we can suck all the mystery out of God and turn God into a nice little god who fits nicely in our box. And we will sing nice songs about this god, and say that we are "friends," and that we even have a "personal relationship" with this god (not a biblical phrase, by the way).

Yawn.

"He is not tame... "*

Last night we did our first Ash Wednesday service in, at least, 9 years...I suspect 15 years. Now, pastors everywhere will tell you it is almost impossible for us to worship while actually leading a worship service... but honestly, I really connected to God in that service. And all we did, really, was copy what the church has been doing for hundreds (thousands) of years. Sure, there was some contemporary flair, but you know... we reclaimed some symbols that have not been used around Central for some time.

We also have our worship space set up "in the round." The platform in in the middle of the room with the seating in concentric circles around it. "Wow, that is cutting edge." Ah, no... actually, the Church has been doing that since we started building buildings. (And in fact, the synagogues in Scripture had reading stands in the middle of the congregation... the Word was among the people.)

My point in all of this is that maybe, just maybe, God is bigger than us.

Maybe, just maybe, ash on the forehead, communal readings, the Lord's prayer, etc. have lasted all these years because there is something to them that stands the test of time.

Now, Central will probably never trade in our electric guitars for a pipe organ (although, I have heard some really cool ways to use a pipe organ), but last night taught me (showed us?) that, just as God is not limited to traditional worship, the contemporary folks don't have a corner on the market either.



*Quote from "Lion, Witch and the Wardrobe."

Grace

Today we are at Community Church of Joy, pastor Walt Killestad. I've heard of Walt for years... he was one of the first influences in my ministry early on. Again, really big church, but this morning I encountered God.

Today was the opposite of yesterday. No flash, no show... just Walt with a microphone and a message from God to me.

He began by reading from Matthew 7:13-29 (from the Message). He said some powerful things after that... but there is nothing more powerful than the Word. These words may not hit you like they did me... but I think they were meant for me and not for you. So I blog for me...and for my audience of One.

"Don't look for shortcuts to God. The market is flooded with surefire, easygoing formulas for a successful life that can be practiced in your spare time. Don't fall for that stuff, even though crowds of people do. The way to life--to God!-is vigorous and requires total attention.

"Be wary of false preachers who smile a lot, dripping with practiced sincerity. Chances are they are out to rip you off some way or other. Don't be impressed with charisma; look for character.

"Knowing the correct password--saying "Master, Master,' for instance--isn't going to get you anywhere with me. What is required is serious obedience--doing what my Father wills. I can see it now--at the Final Judgment thousands strutting up to me and saying, "Master, we preached the Message, we bashed the demons, our God-sponsored projects had everyone talking.' And do you know what I am going to say? "You missed the boat. All you did was use me to make yourselves important. You don't impress me one bit. You're out of here.'

"These words I speak to you are not incidental additions to your life, homeowner improvements to your standard of living. They are foundational words, words to build a life on. If you work these words into your life, you are like a smart carpenter who built his house on solid rock. Rain poured down, the river flooded, a tornado hit--but nothing moved that house. It was fixed to the rock.

"But if you just use my words in Bible studies and don't work them into your life, you are like a stupid carpenter who built his house on the sandy beach. When a storm rolled in and the waves came up, it collapsed like a house of cards."

When Jesus concluded his address, the crowd burst into applause. They had never heard teaching like this. It was apparent that he was living everything he was saying--quite a contrast to their religion teachers! This was the best teaching they had ever heard."

Matthew 7:13-29
_________________________

God, I no longer want to be successful. Yes, I want to be faithful and fruitful. I want to be obedient. But I will no longer define my success by the world's standards. Thanks for today.

Celebrity Pastors

So I'm at a pastor's conference. It's at a very large church in AZ. The church has 11,000 people a weekend, it has a great facility, tons of programs, etc.

So honestly time: a lot of times when I go to these things I feel REALLY insignificant. I mean I pastor a church of 250+ in a small college town. I'm sitting at these tables with pastors of churches in the thousands. (It's funny how we know that early on... it is our way of putting people on the pecking order I guess). Our church building could fit in their worship center with ease.

And so we listen to these pastors talk about growing your church. (If I hear another, "when we planted our church we were 4 people in my living room and now we are running 8 bizzillion people a weekend" story I'm going to throw up.)

Now, I really am in awe to see God work. Really I am. And I must confess to some level of envy. In my mind, I would love to lead a church like this. So I realize that some of what I'm about to write is tainted with sin...

But I think it's really tempting to measure success by the world's standards. Yes, a local congregation must grow if it is being faithful to the gospel. But what that looks like is very different based on your cultural setting.

And I'm tired of celebrity pastors. If I ever write a book, if I put my face of the cover and my name in a bigger font than the title, would one of you come and track me down and tell me to get off my high horse and get a life? Thanks.

I want to do something significant for God. I want my life to have an impact. And honestly, I look at places like this and I don't feel like I'm doing all that much. Please understand, I'm not depressed as such... just wondering what faithfulness and fruitfulness looks like in my setting.

AZ

So I'm at a conference with a friend in Phoenix, Arizona. It was bright and sunny and well, the upgrade was only $40 for the week... so I'm driving a Mustang Convertible.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I'm not a car guy, but this is one great car.

Post Cruise Blog

I was going to title this the, "Post cruise, sitting in the airport, waiting for my flight" blog... but that was just way too long.

Well, I just got done with my first cruise and it was quite an experience. What they say about all the food is true... there is SO MUCH food it is almost, well it is, obscene. I didn't even eat all that was offered... we skipped meals, skipped courses... there is NO WAY a human being can consume that much food... but so many people did. I don't think I gained the 5-10 lbs people say you gain on a cruise, I actually worked out about 2 hours a day... I think I did pretty well in self control!

Some observations:

1. That is one honking big boat. Really. I'm serious. If you have never been on a cruise ship, you have no idea. It's like an 18 story building floating on water.

2. No matter how big the boat, God is bigger. It's amazing how small you feel as a speck in the vast ocean.

3. It would be tough to be an alcoholic and be on a cruise ship. They push alcohol really, really, hard. REALLY hard. I've never tasted the stuff, so it's not a temptation for me to abuse, but I'm an addict in so many ways this one could easily happen.

4. Never get an inside cabin if you like solitude (because it is one of the places you will spend time in solitude). A balcony rocks. My parents had one... we didn't. So we hung out in there room, but mornings were hard because there was no sun. Very dark. BUT, if you don't think you will spend time in your room and you are a party person... who cares, right?

5. Did I mention the food? Gosh.

6. People are really interesting... as much as there was beautiful scenery, I had much more fun shooting pictures of the locals and saying hi.



I will blog more later, they are calling my flight soon.

lonely

Now, I know my single friends won't have much sympathy, but I am really lonely right now. I dropped my wife off at the airport. She is at a training event in San Diego for work all this week. Honestly, I'm a wimp. I don't function well without her and this house seems so empty... even with a dog and a small child.

Now, I'm not asking any of you to fill my social calendar. I can't really go anywhere... I do have a child, and I have lots to do this week. But I'm just telling you because this is a blog and I'm supposed to do that I guess.

It would be hard to be a single parent. I'm not sure I believe the statement "It's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all." I can't imagine a pain more intense than "love lost," particularly to death.

I don't fear a lot. But I fear the death of my spouse. I guess I would "make it"-- it would be hard --but I doubt I would abandon my faith or anything stupid like that. (I'm not sure what that would look like. Even if I was pissed off at God, it's not like I could choose not to believe in Him.) But I can't imagine my life without her. My sense has always been that I would leave ministry... I'm not sure I'm strong enough to be in ministry and single. God bless those who can do it... I don't see it.

What, would I date? "Hey, want to go to dinner?" That seems so shallow. How do people who lose their spouse do it? Sure, I do think there would be enough grace to "go on" but I'm not sure what kind of "on" it would be.

Okay, now I'm really depressed.

First Step

This morning, my daughter took her first step. I could not have been more proud if she had won a gold medal in the olympics.

Quote of the month (maybe the year)

My friend mdog wrote this...

"This whole Jesus thing, i'm finding, is kind of hard to figure out. it's not shiny and neat. it's not packaged in a beautiful box with a gorgeous bow, unless you think wood, nails and blood are neat and beautiful..."

Go read what she has to say about walking.

My daughter

Sorry, but sometimes I just like to post pictures of her...

Send an atheist church on ebay

This is astounding...

Now, obviously there is a sermon illustration here, so some of you will hear this again...but this really is strange to me in that it's funny, challenging and yet sad at the same time. Interesting.

OU vs Miami Basketball

Didn't get to make the game today. Any of you OU fans want to tell Mdog, Rachel and me what the score was? Who won?

[Snicker Snicker]

Transformation

"The Christian gospel gospel insists that the transformation of the human personality is really possible. Never easy. Rarely quick. But possible." [John Ortberg]

I'm reading "The Life You've Always Wanted" again. For the 7th time. It is probably my all-time favorite book. If you have not read it, go and order it on Amazon.

Go ahead, I'll wait...

You got it? Great.

John speaks to me in profound ways. He is a Dallas Willard fan (as am I)...and BTW, if you haven't read "Spirit of the Disciplines" by Dallas you can oder that when you order, "Life." If you read these two books and "The Divine Conspiracy" [Dallas], you basically have heard ever sermon I have ever preached. Well, not literally (although I do tend to steal from them a LOT), but these two books contain my "life theology."

So I've seen a lot of transformation in my life. Both in me and in people around me. I know it is possible. But we want it quick and easy.

My media friends have taught me if you want a project done, there are three factors: quick, cheap and good. Choose 2. If you want it quick and good... it won't be cheap. If you want it cheap and quick, it won't be good. Rarely do you get all three. (They would say "never," but I think they do it all the time at Central...okay... so it isn't quick in that they spend many hours working on it but they often do it in the context of a couple of days.)

So the same thing can be said about transformation...

It's so funny how we in the modern day church understand the concept of grace. NEVER before in all of Christian history has grace been so cheap. We see grace as a passport to everything we want, when we want it. We REFUSE to "work" at our life with God as we cry out, "I don't want to be legalistic!"

But folks... NOBODY understood grace that way until the last 100 years.

Spiritual Disciplines are a lost art. "Denial," never heard of, except for something simple given up for Lent. Means of Grace? We take communion and never think of this amazing gift that Christians died for in the early church.

I guess I really believe I can become more "loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, self-controlled and gentle." And I don't think it's a passive thing. (Ten dollar term: "Cooperative Sanctification"). And I SO want transformation. I'm so amazing at how much growing I need to have in my life. Thankful for what has happened... but I still have so far to go.

I would be interested to hear your thoughts on this. If you feel comfortable, is there an area you want to grow?

try this link...

Go to CNN Video... Alleged sex for salvation

Here is the drag and drop link but I'm not sure it works


http://www.emailthis.clickability.com/et/emailThis?clickMap=viewThis&etMailToID=1166939772

This bothers me...

This bothers me on so many levels. How does something go this wrong? Who do you believe? What does this mean? I would appreciate your comments.

Yea I know...

I'm fasting. Yea, I know that you are "not supposed to tell people that" but the reason Jesus told people to do it in private was so they didn't brag about it as a sign of being holy. Trust me, after this post, you will certainly not think I'm holy. Or bragging.

I hate fasting. Yea, I know, people have had amazing experiences of God when fasting. Yada Yada. For me, it has always been a discipline. And Hebrews says (and I just echo it) "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful..."

Can I get an amen?

But when I fast I am so painfully aware of how stinkin' weak I am! How dependent I am on food. How food is my god. I celebrate by eating. I relax by eating. When I'm depressed I eat. When I fast, I can't turn to that fake god. I have to be aware of the real one. But the fake one is soooo enticing.

But I still can't stand this. I'm so weak.

See... you can't possibly interpret this as bragging or pride!

Love

Okay, so a lot of you chimed in on the idea of loving God and you wrestled with the question of, "what is love." Thanks. Great discussion. Love is decision, love is an action... love is not feeling... yep, you are all orthodox, good Christians who can quote the bible and could have a career in making Christian bumper stickers. :O)

Now, let me push back a bit.

I have said (and preached) for years that love is a decision. It is part of almost every wedding message I do. And yes, I know that "love is a verb." Love is action. Yes, I know that I choose to love my wife and that my feelings are not always the same. (Although I could debate that point.)

BUT COME ON NOW FOLKS... do you REALLY think that love is a "decision that leads to action?" Is that it? Thank GOD I didn't marry you! [Around dinner and candlelight] "Honey, I think I've decided to act in loving ways to you."

(I'm egging you on in case you don't know it by now.)

But seriously though, is that really what love is? Is that really how God loves me? Does God only love me because he chooses to? Is God's love for my ONLY revealed in his actions toward me?

Or does God passionately love me with such intense feelings I could not even begin to comprehend? Is it possible that God thinks about me every second of the day? Is it possible that God can't get me off His mind? Is it possible that God is so pre-occupied with me that He can't sleep at night so He just stays up watching me sleep?

Oh I know... that kind of love sounds almost scandalous.

But man, if I didn't believe this I would pack up this "Christian thing" and become a believer in some impersonal life force!

Yes, love is action. A decision. But love IS a feeling as well.

God loves you perfectly. He has incredibly strong feelings for you!

Yes, I love my wife. And yes, sometimes that love is a decision... but hey folks... I have incredibly strong feelings for my wife. I'm passionate about my wife. I long to be with her. I miss her when I'm not around her. I love my friends. Yea, they can get on my nerves (mdog, "when are you leaving again?") but I long to be around them.

So yes, let's not reduce love to just a feeling. BUT LET'S ALSO NOT reduce it to JUST a decision, or act of the will, or action.

Honestly, this is a huge thing to ponder... because then what does it mean for us to love our enemies?

Chew on that for a while.

The Walk..."I need a job."

This Saturday I did the Good Works Walk for the Homeless. As the focus of our trip we went to Wendys restaurant and all filled out job applications. We tried to put ourselves in the place of someone who was homeless and looking for a job.

It was humbling.

I work hard. I work long hours. My work is emotionally tough at times. But it's not physical labor and it actually is fulfilling. And, all things considered, I'm paid well. But that is not the case for everyone.

The state minimum wage is $4.25 an hour according to the government website. But let's say you make $5.50 an hour. And let's say you are really good and get 30 hours a week. That's $165 a week (before taxes). How do you live on that? Good Works pointed out that most people working their way out of being homeless don't have a car, so they walk to work. So that is another hour or so that you are not being paid, but it's tied up in work.

So I'm not sure what to do with this information. But it troubles me. And I prefer to live my life comfortably with no conviction... thank you very much.

So I've tried to post some pictures I took of the Walk... but they are on my new site...blogging pictures.

Yes, "Blogging Pictures."

I've never been really creative with names... my childhood stuffed frog was named, "ribbit" and my childhood dog was "brown dog." (You can guess his color.) So there it is, "Blogging pictures."

Also, pictures take forever to upload, so there are only a few. And now something is wrong with blogger... so I will add more later. My favorites are not up yet! (Note to self, always start with your favorites.)

Maybe I will figure out a better way to post pictures.

Oh my...

From an email that came to my church account...

Subject: "The Secret Weapon for Phenomenal Church Growth"

What is this secret weapon? Is it a new church program? Prayer? Starting a new service? Maybe a discipleship or evangelism program?

No... the secret weapon for phenomenal church growth is....

drum roll...

Church signs.

You know, church signs. Like the one out front of your church? What? Never noticed it? Well, if you had one of these church signs, you would. Thousands would flock to hear the dullest of sermons, the most lame, uninspired worship, the coldest of pew sitters... just because of the sign.

From there email: "A church sign is one of the most important investments you can make in your church. It’s hands down the most effective advertising tool you can have.

What can a new church sign do?
Bring in new members
Increase your financial resources
Communicate with your community
Portray and project your church image
Let people know who and where you are"

I wish I was making this up.

Help me Walk?

I'm Paul's daughter, and I'm at that stage where I'm trying really hard to walk...

But I can't.

And you really can't help me.

But you CAN help my daddy walk!

This Saturday he is participating in Good Works "Walk for the Homeless." Good Works is an amazing organization here in Athens that works to change the lives of many struggling with poverty in rural Appalachia. They provide "biblical hospitality" through The Timothy House (the only shelter for the rural homeless in the 9 counties of southeastern Ohio) and through the Hannah House (a long term residential care-community).

But they don't just provide housing. Good Works is involved in job programs, creative volunteer service opportunities, community development ministries... they are making a huge difference in this area.

As part of the Walk, Good Works is asking each walker to find 10 sponsors to contribute a minimum of $10 to help support the ministry of Good Works. My daddy would like to find 100 sponsors.

Would you consider sponsoring him for the walk?

You can donate by sending a $10 check (or more) to:

Good Works
P.O. Box 4
Athens, OH 45701

Or you can donate on line-by going to their web site and click on "Make a Donation." Also, take a second to surf their site and see what they are about. Please drop daddy a note and tell him if you are going to sponsor him.

Sentence order can be important...

So am I the only one who finds the sentence order here amusing?

This is from Princess Cruiseline's "Shore Excursions" book for the Eastern Caribbean. For the St. Barths excursion they are listing what we should and should not bring, stuff about passports, etc. and then they get to this line:

"Please be advised that partial nudity is allowed on the beaches. Those prone to seasickness should take adequate precautions."

Losing weight

Maybe I ought to try one of these.

"Sleep, those little slices of death. How I lothe them."

So that is a quote from a book that I have never read. I saw it when I was watching, "Nightmare on Elm Street" when I was in college and going through my darkness phase.

I have never slept well. I don't need much sleep and to be honest, don't like it all that much. But the last several nights (maybe for a week) I have been a wreck because I just am not sleeping well. I physically feel terrible. I ache. I have muscle pain. (I think from carrying Lydia so much.) I can't sleep. I feel like I'm falling apart.

Yes, I know I need to lose a bunch of weight and work out regularly... maybe that is catching up with me... or maybe I'm getting sick (although I don't feel sick) but I want sleep. I just want to fall asleep like a normal person and sleep for 7 hours uninterrupted. (I have no memory of ever sleeping through the night.... more than 6 hours.)

People who know me know my work schedule. Until I became a father, it was not unusual for me to be up at 4 and in the office by 5. I always thought it was funny that people saw that as "spiritual" (although yes, I do spend time with God in the morning.) It's not spiritual, just insomniac!

I will trade my body in for a normal one God.

And as I write those words, there are a LOT of bodies I would not trade for. As I write those words I'm thankful that mine mostly works.

So I have to work a lot tomorrow. Normal Sunday morning stuff, meetings in the afternoon. Staff meeting in the evening. I really, really want to sleep. To say I'm going to try to go back to sleep would be wishful thinking... but that is what I'm going to try to do.

Why your camera doesn't matter

For my photography friends... just an article I found interesting.

Loving Jesus

Tonight as I drove home from a meeting, I heard a pastor on the radio talking about loving Jesus as your "First Love." He said to his congregation that there "may be people here who go to church and believe in Jesus but do not love Jesus as your first love." He went on to say how we need to have a "personal relationship with Jesus Christ" (a phrase I'm actually growing to hate) and to love him more than anything or anyone else.

Yea... I'm guessing all of us who are Christians agree with that. But as he said those words, I just was trying to figure out what that really looks like.

I mean really.

I love my wife... that makes sense... I love my daughter... I have family and friends that I love... and sure... I certainly love Jesus. But it IS different. I'm guess more than anything I'm just trying to be honest... my love for God is really different than any other love. And my love for God is reflected in my love for other things.

I mean, you can't really tell how I love my wife by how I love my friends. I know all kinds of people who look really good on the outside and seem like nice people... and then you get to know them and they have a crappy relationship with their spouse. Or you have the person who is the excellent parent, but a lousy spouse.

But how I love people proves how I love God.

So to have God as my "first love" does not mean I necessarily deny my spouse in order to love God, but that I reflect God's love to my spouse. I'm not making sense, am I?

I read this a while back and wrote it in my journal. I'm not sure but I think it is from the book "Halftime."

"I have chosen to make Christ my primary loyalty, but [that does not mean] he is my exclusive loyalty. That was an important distinction, for I still had loyalties to [my wife], my work, to friends, to projects. Christ is at the center of all of that, but he would not stand in the way of those other things which gave me balance and wholeness."

I guess for me what it means to "love God as my first love" is that I allow God to direct the other areas of my life. So hopefully, his priorities direct each area of my life.

Would any of you share what it means for you to love God? To have Jesus as your first love?

Going Public

For almost a year I have carefully hidden my identity from my readers. It's time to go public. And now... my picture...



Thanks to mdog for excellently exposing me.

Ah... well... you know...

A random blog

Yes, it's a new year. I'm guessing I should write something profound as the first blog of the New Year. Sorry, no dice.

So what is it with Paris Hilton? I mean, really. I was running through the channels and she was on some show and everyone is making a fuss over her. Now, I'm a guy (even though I'm a pastor)... but from a guy's perspective... seriously... SHE IS NOT ALL THAT ATTRACTIVE. I mean, I could quickly find hundreds...thousands of women more attractive... so don't tell me people watch her because she is beautiful because she really isn't. And why does the media follow her around again? Why do we care about her opinion? What does she contribute to society? Tell me again what she does for a living?

Sheese!

"Happy" New Year?

So it's New Year's Eve... my parents just left. I thought they would be staying but they decided to go back "home" so they could see my brother before they left for Florida again. I was hoping to spend New Years with them. Not that it would be all that exciting... we would have dinner, watch the ball drop, drink sparkling grape juice... no big deal.

But I sense I won't have too many more New Years with them.

So here I am going into the New Year and I'm really melancholy. Sad. I wish my parents lived closer so they could watch my daughter grow up. I wish they could see us more. I wish they could live forever. It's hard watching your parents grow older.

Odds are we are going to a friend's house to be with several other friends to celebrate New Years. I really like these people. I'm hoping even mdog will be there! And maybe my perspective will change. But for some reason I feel very alone right now.

For Rachel (r)

So now that I can post pictures... I don't want to get carried away... but Rachel, these I did take. I have LOTS more where those came from!

Holding marriage in high esteem...

I'm at my office and I'm screening my calls trying to get office work done. I just got a phone call from a guy saying he wanted to get married tonight or Friday night and he needed a pastor.

I'm really not going to comment on this... but I'm so tempted. So if you want to... feel free.

I'm pretty sure they are not going to be able to make my 7 required pre-marital counseling sessions...

Some Christmas Joy

So this is the first picture I have posted... after a year of blogging! (Jared just told me how to do it.)

But how do I test it? And what picture is worthy of my first post?

And then I thought... "What's a more appropriate picture to post this time of year than one of Santa's helpers?"

Pretty cute helper if you ask me.

I have a new hero...

So to really get this, it helps to know me.

I'm a big special effects fan and I LOVE special effects lighting. It's from my days as a magician I suppose, but I love pyrotechnics, rock show lighting, dance lighting... in fact, I own a number of DJ lights. I was a huge KISS fan growing up, mostly because they put on a great light show.

Tonight I found my new hero in Christmas house lighting. (The one I want you to look at should open... it's a house with Christmas lights... be sure to turn up your volume. But surf around. This is one of my favorite sites.)

Now, where are those strands of lights?

My blogaversary

Today is my one-year blogaversary. There is this pressure to say something profound.





Something profound.

perspective

My daughter has been pretty sick lately. We've taken her to the doctor a number of times over the past few days. She is on a bunch of medication. She (or my wife or I) have not been sleeping a lot since Saturday. Even as i type this she is sleeping on my shoulder and has been for the past hour or so...(yes, try to imagine how I'm typing with a one-year-old sleeping on my shoulder.)

It's hard to watch someone you love be sick. But it's even harder with a baby... because they don't understand. She doesn't understand why she has these involuntary fits where everything inside her wants to come out (we just call it "coughing" and "sneezing") or why her stomach aches from all her coughing ("Well, honey, you have this muscle called a 'diaphragm' and it's doing a lot of expanding and contracting). She just knows she can't breathe and hurts.

Odd are she will get over this. Yes, I worry something my be really wrong, but chances are it's not. Next week she will be fine. But she doesn't see that. And I can't tell her.

But while she is sick, she is really clingy. She just wants to be held (even when she is fighting it).

Draw your own theological conclusions.

sin

I'm sitting here watching my daughter. I've sort of made her a baby corral in the living room so she can somewhat roam free, but there are probably two things in the room that she should not touch.

Of course, you know where she is going, right?

Now seriously, we have never told her, "don't go there." She just intuitively goes there. Now, when she is there, of course, we have to drag her away for her own safety, but she goes right back.

Original sin is alive and well. Those who do not believe in the doctrine of original sin have never, ever, been a parent.

But she is one really, really cute sinner.

How is it possible to love someone so much even though they are rebelling against you...

I really do understand God more.

Got to go, my daughter is heading straight for my, "Gospel according to the Simpsons" book. She was playing in the fireplace before... and I let her...but you got to draw the line somewhere!

Birthday Card!

So it's been almost a year since I starting this blog thing. And today, I come home from church and there, in my stack of mail, was a birthday card from my blog grandmother Rachel. I have to say...I was honestly moved. I've never had a blog birthday card! I've never had a blog birthday.

Hey, do I get presents too? :O)

Thanks Rachel...that was pretty cool of you.

Although I suspect mdog violated some sort of cyber blog rule in giving out my home address to someone I haven't met... in this case... it was really a nice thing to do.

I can't sleep...

I just talked with a friend of mine a couple of hours ago. He too is a pastor...we went to school together. He is really struggling in his marriage...and he just is giving up. Now, he is probably not getting a divorce (he would never leave his wife, kids and ministry), he is just giving up. I hear it in his voice... it is just hollow.

This issue they are struggling over is not new. He has talked with his wife about it over and over again (yes, it's about sex) and he is just coming to the conclusion that, no matter how much they talk about the issue, no matter what temporary changes she makes for the moment, she is not going to change how she treats him sexually. And the funny thing is that he is not really angry about it, just resigned to it. Just numb.

It's interesting... and my single readers out there might be offended by this (please don't be)... but I often hear single people struggle with being single. But I've been in this job too long, have known too many people (and been married long enough) to know that there are a lot of unmet expectations out there in marriage... and a lot of pain in marriages. Yes, there are some good ones... but a good marriage requires a LOT of sacrifice and a LOT of work. And to be honest, most of us are just too selfish to work that hard at anything.

Narnia

So Friday night... opening night for "Lion, Witch and Wardrobe," you can guess where me and 11 of my friends were, right? The evening began with some Mexican food for dinner and then the long car ride across the street to the movie theater. First, the Athena Grand Rocks as a movie theater, although the popcorn and soda prices require a second mortgage. But the seating is great and the angles and sight lines are fantastic.

And the move...

I don't think I have ever seen a movie that was better than the book. LWW is no exception. And for you Narnia addicts who have every nuance of the entire series of books memorized (not that I'm married to such a person, this is totally hypothetical, of course) but if there WAS such a person... no... the movie is not exactly like the book.

But in this reviewer's opinion... wow.

My opinion is worth the paper it is written on (but since I'm typing on my PowerBook G4, that's quite a lot). The plot is classic Lewis. The meaning and theology is solid. The effects are, overall, well done. And Asland is absolutely amazing.

Cough up $6, go to the Athena Grand, pull up a chair and head into the world of Narnia for a couple of hours. If you want some company, give me a call. I will see this one again.

I'm fat

So taking a page from mdog, I'm going to be pretty raw here.

I'm fat.

Now, to my readers who know me, that is not going to come as a big shock.

But I really hate it.

I have always felt fat. When I was a kid, I always thought I was fat. Funny, as I look back at pictures, I was plump, but I would not consider myself to have been morbidly obese. But I always had this image of me that I was fat. Unattractive.

But now I am. There is no doubt, no explaining it away. And I hate it.

So why don't I change? I want to. I hate the way I look and even more so I hate the way I feel. I know it's bad for me, I know it is sin, I know that it will become harder as I age, I know it takes away my credibility as a pastor and as a person. I know those things.

Here is the thing... I've tried so may times. Made so many resolutions. "Given it to God" (Christianeese). I've had people who say they will hold me accountable. (That works for about 3 weeks and then we both give up). And I've had some success. But with every success comes gaining even more weight back. And that scares me.

I know what it takes. Eat less, exercise more. It's pretty simple really. What's wrong with me?

So this goes pretty deep. I'm not saying the raw things. Maybe this hits too close to home.

There is this part of me that wants to ask for advice. Not sure there is much you can say I haven't heard.

So "that's all I have to say about that" [Forrest Gump]

Bah Humbug!

My kind of Christmas toy. Just make sure you turn up the volume and shake the snow globe.

I can't add anything...

So please visit mdog so she and I can gloat together.

Miami - 38
OU - 7

Say What?

From the Fort Myers News Press, November 6, 2005

"Margaret Sheets of Lebanon, Ohio announces the cohabitation, without benefits of clergy, of her delightful son James and Gayle Schmidt of Fort Myers, Florida. They will receive visitors, but appointment only, B.Y.O.B. at their home on Ensign Court in the Caloosa Yacht & Racquet Club. Large cash appreciations may be directed to The Committee to Finance Gayle's Man's Lavish Life Style, James E, Sheets, Chairman."

An Easy Life

In the last 4 days I have worked about 60 hours. I am really tired. Some of it has been office work, but some of it has been emotionally draining "people work." I was driving home last night and I was thinking, "Why am I so tired?" when I realized I had put in a full week's work in 3 days. I don't say that for pity... and I'm not a work-a-holic. In fact, most weeks I work a pretty standard 50 hours like everyone else. This is just a busy season for me. And the end is near.

I spoke with my brother tonight. He is really struggling. He works from 8-6 driving for Fed Ex. He goes home to be with his family until 9 and leaves to work for Lowes from 10-6 am. He sleeps, at best, 2 hours a day. They just found his wife has cancer... and they don't have insurance.

The working poor have it tough. If he didn't work he could get all kinds of help, but because he makes "too much money" he gets pretty much nothing.

My life is easy.

Vulnerablity - Significance

So I'm a pastor. I've never said that on this site, which I determined today at lunch with mdog, is really stupid. I'm playing this silly game but anyone in my congregation who posts on this site knows that I'm me. So the game is over. It's too hard for me to blog about anything real and not talk about my job. It really is a huge part of who I am... maybe too much.

So I'm guessing that you all have times where you struggle with significance. It's funny, so many times I have people say to me, "Well, at least you are doing something eternal with your life. At least you don't struggle with feeling like your life isn't making a difference."

That is bull pucky. (That harsh cuss word was for Patrick's sake).

Take preaching. So almost every week I pour over a subject or thought. I spend hours thinking about it and wrestling with it (usually over a period of weeks or months). I run ideas past people. I talk about it while I stand up and sit down and walk along the road... you get the point. And then I stand up there... and I'm vulnerable... and I say that thoughts that have been inside my soul... and sometimes it comes out and makes sense and sometimes it doesn't...

And I get done...

And I wonder if any of it made any difference at all.

I mean really.

And don't get me wrong, I think preaching is biblical and important. (So let's not turn this into a discussion on the importance of preaching). And I think I do it okay. But you have to do it to understand...

Sometimes the looks on people's faces... they are so blank... and I'm thinking, "What are you thinking about? Why are you thinking about what you are having for lunch!"

And when I get done, I want to go into a hole and hide. (And that is when people often tell me what they didn't like or where they disagreed with me!)

I'm not writing this for positive strokes (but we all like them, don't we)... but to tell you... my readers... that LIFE is a struggle for meaning and significance. And those of you who live in cubical land... what you do is just as significant (or un-significant) as what I do. And everyone struggles with this and if they tell you they don't... give me their name. I want to meet them.

So this site might change in tone. Or I may just shut it down. :O)

Life is a gift

Some of you may have heard of the pastor who, while doing a baptism last week, grabbed a mic to say something, and was electrocuted. This was from his sermon the previous Sunday. I'm not usually into this kind of thing... but it spoke to me deeply today... maybe it will speak to you.

"Live. And Live Well. BREATHE. Breathe in and Breathe deeply. Be PRESENT. Do not be past. Do not be future. Be now. On a crystal clear, breezy 70 degree day, roll down the windows and FEEL the wind against your skin. Feel the warmth of the sun.

If you run, then allow those first few breaths on a cool Autumn day to FREEZE your lungs and do not just be alarmed, be ALIVE. Get knee-deep in a novel and LOSE track of time.

If you bike, pedal HARD… and if you crash then crash well.

Feel the SATISFACTION of a job well done—a paper well-written, a project thoroughly completed, a play well-performed. If you must wipe the snot from your 3-year old’s nose, don’t be disgusted if the Kleenex didn’t catch it all… because soon he’ll be wiping his own.

If you’ve recently experienced loss, then GRIEVE. And Grieve well. At the table with friends and family, LAUGH. If you’re eating and laughing at the same time, then might as well laugh until you puke. And if you eat, then SMELL. The aromas are not impediments to your day. Steak on the grill, coffee beans freshly ground, cookies in the oven.

And TASTE. Taste every ounce of flavor. Taste every ounce of friendship. Taste every ounce of Life. Because-it-is-most-definitely-a-Gift."

Trick or Treat

So as a Christian, I think I'm supposed to be all up in arms about Halloween. Actually, we got our daughter this REALLY cute pumpkin outfit... and well... I'm kind of looking forward to it.

I've read the stuff about what Halloween "means" and the origins (from both sides of the argument) and I don't think any of us need that much candy... and I'm not a big fan of giving glory to any "being" but God. But some of my greatest memories of childhood came around trick or treat... and it really had nothing to do with the candy... but more with the costume and going through the neighborhood. A chance to live another identity. To be a super-hero. To be Gene Simmons or Ace Frehley (from my favorite band at the time, Kiss). To be, yes, even a demon one year (and as a magician, I could throw fire so I was a pretty scary kid!).

It's funny I ended up in the profession I did... many of my colleagues rail against most of my "influences" as a child. I was a HUGE Kiss fan (my dad took me to see them in concert when I was 11). Even then, people were saying kiss meant "Knights in Satan's Service" and that they were evil. Actually, the truth is (if you didn't know) they wanted to call the band F_ _ K but figured they would never get on the radio, so they settled for "Kiss." (And that does not mean "Funk.")

Now, one could argue that I ended up in my current career despite those choices. (And this is true). And one could argue that I would not have struggled with some of the sin I have struggled with without those influences (also may be true). As an adult I certainly wouldn't lift Gene, Paul, Ace or Peter up as role models...

But here's the thing...I wouldn't lift up a LOT of people who are much more clean cut and working on corporate America. (They are just as dark.)

So what do you all think of Halloween and childhood influences?

Now hear this!

Short hair does not equal lesbian.

Well it's about time!

My friend has finally decided to enter the blog world. Check him out.

I'm a Totalitarian?

So I found a link on Rachel's blog that is an interesting-looking political test. So I took it.

And they said I was a "Totalitarian!"

So... in case you don't know... here is a definition of totalitarianism:

Totalitarianism is a typology employed by political scientists to describe modern regimes in which the state regulates nearly every aspect of public and private behavior. Totalitarian regimes mobilize entire populations in support of the state and a political ideology, and do not tolerate activities by individuals or groups such as labor unions, churches and political parties that are not directed toward the state's goals. They maintain themselves in power by means of secret police, propaganda disseminated through the state-controlled mass media, regulation and restriction of free discussion and criticism, and widespread use of terror tactics. Critics of the concept contend that the term lacks explanatory power. They argue that governments which are often classified as totalitarian may not be as monolithic as they appear from the outside, since they may hide a political process in which several groups, such as the army, political leaders, industrialists, and others, compete for power and influence.

Okay... so I don't think I fit into that category! But this is interesting... as I have a really strong understanding/appreciation of leadership! So I'm not sure how I fit into this category. It is actually quite puzzling to me.

Finally!

Finally! I have discovered the REAL meaning of Christmas on Sarah's blog.

Friendship

My wife and I like mdog. You ought to too.

BTW, that was supposed to hyperlink to her site, but I suck at writing hyperlinks and can't get it to work for some reason. But we still like mdog.

they lie well...

I have friends who lie well. Especially at cards. This is troubling... considering my work and how I know these friends. If mdog ever tells you anything... maybe you just out to say... ah... BS!

blogging alone

My wife is teaching some session at a conference and I am alone... well... me and my daughter (and dog). It used to be that I hated to be alone... and still do in many ways... but maybe age and maturity had allowed me to have perspective. The problem is that I can never sleep well when I'm not with my wife. So I suspect that I'm going to be tired the next several days.

So I have no idea why I wrote this post.

Spam, part 2

First, I predict that the first comment to this post will be spam. "Wow... love your site!"

So this came in my email this morning. What kind of moron would click on this link? And can anyone tell me what they are selling? Jewlery? I think we ought to make up a product! Please... don't go to the site from this page...just in case you were thinking about it... but if any of you want to go from an old computer you don't care about and report back...

This WOW collection is priced you a little bit only.

For authentic reflection, we embossed emblem & band model.

Famous immitation is our Frrank Muller.

Our masterpiece is featured with anti scratch.

Total tracking package to gain you optimally.

White gold with diamond brim is just royal.

http://mg.igtj.ourtopvaluepackage.com/a3g/




scabridity have liked a peep through the crack of longwaisted the door. my
old rebaptize gentleman skewnesses repawn "some liedown novels
else. i said, i thought, if a fellow took a girl to snakelet a party, she
shaggy-bearded ought

spam

So does "spam" stand for something?

And why is it so prevalent?

Are there actually people who go to the sites of spammers?

You can respond anonymously if you want, but have any of my readers EVER, even ONCE, clicked on a link sent by a spammer? And again, anonymous response is fine, but have you ever clicked on one to a porn or clicked on a link that suggest that certain parts of your anatomy are not large enough (you know... ah... your... liver). And if so... and with the knowledge of spyware and cookies and all kinds of crap, why in the WORLD did you do this?

I'm serious.

living a sermon...

The pastor of my church taught about living lives of service today. Technically he taught about the meaning of incarnation... God being with us. He said that if I really understood that God was with me, I would think, act, feel... live... differently.

I left the church, got into my car... and honestly, I was exhausted. I didn't want to be around people. I felt particularly sensitive. I drove home and thought about his words. I knew I was going home to a sick daughter and a wife who was tired and hungry...and I didn't want to serve them... and to be honest, I didn't want to be a dad today. I wanted to rent some movies and veg in front of the TV. I wanted to take a nap. I wanted to work out (well, not really, but I knew I had to!). I just didn't want to deal with a sick kid and serve my spouse.

I'm such a hypocrite at times.

I got home... and I came home to a spouse who, fortunately for me, listened to the same sermon. She greeted me with a kiss, My daughter even seemed to sense I needed a smile... my wife told me to go and take a nap, that I looked tired. She would watch our daughter. I slept for over an hour. I got to work out. I rented some videos. Now... I feel like serving... so I'm off to make dinner.

Grace is an interesting thing. We are often challenged to give it... but sometimes it's even harder to receive it.

God is with us.

You Gotta Love...

You just gotta love country music. Well, maybe not.

BTW, here are some of the All-Time Best Country Song Titles

· Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart
· Mama Get The Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)
· She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger
· She's Actin' Single I'm Drinkin' Doubles
· I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You
· If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You
· Who's Gonna Take The Garbage Out When I'm Dead And Gone?
· If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low
· They May Put Me In Prison, But They Can't Stop My Face From Breakin' Out
· If I Ain't Got It, You Don't Need It
· You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly
· Did I Shave my Legs for This?
· She Got The Gold Mine And I Got The Shaft
· You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat
· She Feels Like A New Man Tonight
· Get Your Tongue Out Of My Mouth, Because I'm Kissing You Goodbye
· She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart
· When You Leave Walk Out Backwards, So I'll Think You're Walking In
· I Gave Her the Ring, and She Gave Me the Finger
· I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life
· Walk Out Backwards Slowly So I'll Think You're Walking In
· How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You, When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life?
· My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart
· I've Got Hair Oil On My Ears And My Glasses Are Slipping Down, But Baby I Can See Through You
· I've Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart
· I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart
· I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
· You're a Hard Dog To Keep Under The Porch
· My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him
· If Whiskey Were A Woman, I'd Be Married For Sure
· How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?
· I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck!
· All I Want From You (Is Away)
· How Come Your Dog Don't Bite Nobody But Me?

"da da", not, "a da!"

So my daughter can say one word with regular recognition..."panda." Well, it sounds more like, "a da" but it is clear what she means. If a panda comes within eyesight, even when we don't initially see it, she says (usually with glee) "a da! a da!" (If you don't understand why my daughter's first word is "panda" you don't know my wife.)

Today i went with a friend to a marching band competition. We sat in the sun for several hours and watched marching bands (one which had "FU" on the uniforms... a very unfortunate school name if you ask me.) So we are sitting in the sun... and I'm wearing sun glasses... which makes nice little rings around your eyes....

"a da! a da!"

Dirty Old Egg Sucking Dog

With a title like that... how can you top it?

Dirty Old Egg Sucking Dog
Recorded by: Johnny Cash
Written by: Jack Clement
Recorded: January 11,1966 Nashville, Tenessee
Source: The Essential Johnny Cash Vol. 2

Well he's not very handsome to look at
Oh he's shaggy and he eats like a hog
And he's always killin' my chickens
That dirty old egg-suckin' dog

Egg-suckin' dog
I'm gonna stomp your head in the ground
If you don't stay out of my hen house
You dirty old egg-suckin' hound

Now if he don't stop eatin' my eggs up
Though I'm not a real bad guy
I'm gonna get my riffle and send him
To that great chicken house in the sky

Egg-suckin' dog
Your always hangin' around
But you'd better stay out of my hen house
You dirty old egg-suckin' hound

"Oh my God... I will never get this time back will I?"

So my wife and I invited a friend over to watch a movie the other night. We actually had heard this movie was good... we heard wrong. "Shark boy and Lava Girl." It was only .99 and the funny thing is it was a huge loss. And then I forgot to return it today so I'm paying a late fee on a movie that... well... sucked.

So we invited mdog, my neighbor over. I called her and said, "Hey, I got a 3 D movie and you've got nothing better to do with your life than to come over to our house, eat pizza and watch it with us!"

Turns out she DID had something better to do with her life...

Let's see, what would have been a more pleasant use of time?

From the home office in Glouster, Ohio... it's the Top Ten better things to do than watch "Shark Boy"

#10. Watch re-runs of the fishing channel.
#9. Watch the stuff that hit the cutting room floor of the fishing channel. (All that editing for just 1/2 hour of fishing)
#8. Watch Keanu Reeves play Hamlet using his "Bill and Ted's" voice.
#7. Sit crammed into my elementary school desk while 10 Jr High students rake their fingers across a blackboard.
#6. Listen to a tele-marketer drone on about their latest product.
#5. Two words: root canal.
#4. Hang from my toenails while someone shoves bamboo shoots under my fingernails.
#3. Listen to a Back-street boys album... well...
#2. Spend an afternoon in a room full if life insurance salesmen...

And the number #1 thing to do instead of watching "Shark Boy and Lava Girl is...."

Fill in the blank___________________

Questions 2

"The worst periods of doubt for me have been when others have drilled me with questions that I can't answer."

Thanks kt. That is kind of what I was I was thinking about when I wrote this.

So lately I have found it strange that this is true for a lot of people... and it times... maybe me (although not as much in the last couple of years).

Why do we feel we have to have answers to questions? Why can't there be LOTS of questions without answers? I remember when I was in college, most of the campus ministry organizations were big on apologetics (rational arguments proving God, Jesus, the resurrection, etc). Now, there is nothing wrong with apologetics... but is there something wrong with questions?

Do we have to answer everyone's questions? Even ours? What would make us think that God will make sense?

I spoke with someone not too long ago who was afraid to share their faith (actually disciple someone) because they were afraid that the person would ask a question they couldn't answer... and they wanted to have answers to every question. WE HAVE A NAME FOR SOMEONE WHO HAS AN ANSWER TO EVERY QUESTION... and it's not complementary!

The Rabbis in Jesus' day (and before and after)... when they came upon a passage of scripture they could not understand... would celebrate! They would say, "Blessed am I... for I know that one day God... you WILL give me insight. God you are even BIGGER than I imagined!"

When I come upon a question I doubt. Arggggg!

Do you think people who are not Christ followers are expecting all the right answers? Any stories you want to share?

Questions

So if you are a Christ follower, how sure are you of your faith? Do you ever wake up at 4 a.m. and say, "Do I really believe this stuff? I don't see any god?" And what keeps you from chucking it all and just living how you want?

Blog Spam?

So what is with the previous post by anonymous 1, 2, 3. It's blog spam! I get enough of this crap in my inbox without having it on my blog! I will NOT visit your site and PLEASE no one visit it from this blog.

All dogs are beautiful...

except this one.

Mystery Solved!

Wow...mystery solved. I know that people have wrestled with this issue for centuries, but now Harvard is throwing money and brains at it! I have no doubt we will have an answer soon. Thank you Mr Liu!

[puffs out chest and peers over the top of his glasses in condescending manner]
"My expectation is that we will be able to reduce this to a very simple series of logical events that could have taken place with no divine intervention," said David R. Liu, a professor of chemistry and chemical biology at Harvard.

"In his pride the wicked does not seek him; in all his thoughts there is no room for God."

Psalm 10:4

Post and Read

The last couple of posts, I'm not sure I have that many readers... hence the lack of posting. I've actually been doing MORE journaling on paper lately... not that I'm all that profound on screen... but maybe I will start writing again.

Thought from last night: babies should be made with an "off" switch.

Seriously, think about this. You feed them, play with them... even put up with some fussing (after all, there are days when I'm fussing) and then, 8 p.m. comes... you pick them up, kiss them goodnight, read a story or two... evening ritual... then...

[CLICK]

No getting up and screaming for absolutely no apparent reason at 1 am... no early-morning wake up calls... if you want to sleep in that morning, no problem...

Morning comes, you get out of bed, have a shower and a bowl of cereal... you are ready to face the day... and [CLICK]

You could build them like Windows based machines (rather than Macs) so that they take some time to boot up... but of course they would get sick more often... so better use a Mac operating system.

I think this idea is a keeper.

To my fellow bloggers...

It is best if we don't take ourselves too seriously.

Uncovering Jesus

READ Acts 17:16-35...

So ahead... I'll wait.

Paul in Athens. It is so moving to me when Paul says, "Now, what you worship as something unknown, I'm going to proclaim to you." I believe the paragraphs that follow those words are some of the most beautiful in the bible as Paul explains that God wants to be found.

Found.

Which means God is there... they just can't see him or don't recongnize him.

Now, read this...

Missions..."is less about the transportation of God from one place to another and more about the identification of a God who is already there. It is almost as if being a good missionary means having really good eyesight. Or maybe it means teaching people to use their eyes to see things that have always been there; they just didn't realize it. You see God where others don't. And then you point him out.

Perhaps we ought to replace the word missionary with tour guide, because we cannot show people something we haven't seen.

Have you ever heard missionaries say they were going to "take Jesus" to a certain place? What they meant, I assume, was that they had Jesus and they were going to take him a place like China or India or Chicago where people apparently didn't have him.

I would ask them if people in China and India and Chicago are eating and laughing and enjoying things and generally being held together? Because if they are, then Jesus, in a way that is difficult to fully articulate, is already present there.

So the issue isn't so much taking Jesus to people who don't have him, but going to a place and pointing out to the people there the creative, life-giving God who is already present in their midst. It is searching for the things they have already affirmed as real and beautiful and true and telling them who you believe is the source of all that. "I'm here to tell you where It think that comes from."

And if you see yourself carrying God to places, it can be exhausting. God is really heavy.

Some people actually believe that God is a absent from a place until they get there. The problem with this idea is that if God is not there before you get there, there is no 'there' in the first place."

Rob Bell
Velvet Elvis

Batman Begins

I think Batman Begins in my favorite superhero movie. I thought it was amazing. It was the best Batman movie made (although 1 was good), and I thought it was better than Spiderman and much better than the Fantastic 4, Hulk, etc.

Curious about your thoughts.