"Happy" New Year?

So it's New Year's Eve... my parents just left. I thought they would be staying but they decided to go back "home" so they could see my brother before they left for Florida again. I was hoping to spend New Years with them. Not that it would be all that exciting... we would have dinner, watch the ball drop, drink sparkling grape juice... no big deal.

But I sense I won't have too many more New Years with them.

So here I am going into the New Year and I'm really melancholy. Sad. I wish my parents lived closer so they could watch my daughter grow up. I wish they could see us more. I wish they could live forever. It's hard watching your parents grow older.

Odds are we are going to a friend's house to be with several other friends to celebrate New Years. I really like these people. I'm hoping even mdog will be there! And maybe my perspective will change. But for some reason I feel very alone right now.

For Rachel (r)

So now that I can post pictures... I don't want to get carried away... but Rachel, these I did take. I have LOTS more where those came from!

Holding marriage in high esteem...

I'm at my office and I'm screening my calls trying to get office work done. I just got a phone call from a guy saying he wanted to get married tonight or Friday night and he needed a pastor.

I'm really not going to comment on this... but I'm so tempted. So if you want to... feel free.

I'm pretty sure they are not going to be able to make my 7 required pre-marital counseling sessions...

Some Christmas Joy

So this is the first picture I have posted... after a year of blogging! (Jared just told me how to do it.)

But how do I test it? And what picture is worthy of my first post?

And then I thought... "What's a more appropriate picture to post this time of year than one of Santa's helpers?"

Pretty cute helper if you ask me.

I have a new hero...

So to really get this, it helps to know me.

I'm a big special effects fan and I LOVE special effects lighting. It's from my days as a magician I suppose, but I love pyrotechnics, rock show lighting, dance lighting... in fact, I own a number of DJ lights. I was a huge KISS fan growing up, mostly because they put on a great light show.

Tonight I found my new hero in Christmas house lighting. (The one I want you to look at should open... it's a house with Christmas lights... be sure to turn up your volume. But surf around. This is one of my favorite sites.)

Now, where are those strands of lights?

My blogaversary

Today is my one-year blogaversary. There is this pressure to say something profound.





Something profound.

perspective

My daughter has been pretty sick lately. We've taken her to the doctor a number of times over the past few days. She is on a bunch of medication. She (or my wife or I) have not been sleeping a lot since Saturday. Even as i type this she is sleeping on my shoulder and has been for the past hour or so...(yes, try to imagine how I'm typing with a one-year-old sleeping on my shoulder.)

It's hard to watch someone you love be sick. But it's even harder with a baby... because they don't understand. She doesn't understand why she has these involuntary fits where everything inside her wants to come out (we just call it "coughing" and "sneezing") or why her stomach aches from all her coughing ("Well, honey, you have this muscle called a 'diaphragm' and it's doing a lot of expanding and contracting). She just knows she can't breathe and hurts.

Odd are she will get over this. Yes, I worry something my be really wrong, but chances are it's not. Next week she will be fine. But she doesn't see that. And I can't tell her.

But while she is sick, she is really clingy. She just wants to be held (even when she is fighting it).

Draw your own theological conclusions.

sin

I'm sitting here watching my daughter. I've sort of made her a baby corral in the living room so she can somewhat roam free, but there are probably two things in the room that she should not touch.

Of course, you know where she is going, right?

Now seriously, we have never told her, "don't go there." She just intuitively goes there. Now, when she is there, of course, we have to drag her away for her own safety, but she goes right back.

Original sin is alive and well. Those who do not believe in the doctrine of original sin have never, ever, been a parent.

But she is one really, really cute sinner.

How is it possible to love someone so much even though they are rebelling against you...

I really do understand God more.

Got to go, my daughter is heading straight for my, "Gospel according to the Simpsons" book. She was playing in the fireplace before... and I let her...but you got to draw the line somewhere!

Birthday Card!

So it's been almost a year since I starting this blog thing. And today, I come home from church and there, in my stack of mail, was a birthday card from my blog grandmother Rachel. I have to say...I was honestly moved. I've never had a blog birthday card! I've never had a blog birthday.

Hey, do I get presents too? :O)

Thanks Rachel...that was pretty cool of you.

Although I suspect mdog violated some sort of cyber blog rule in giving out my home address to someone I haven't met... in this case... it was really a nice thing to do.

I can't sleep...

I just talked with a friend of mine a couple of hours ago. He too is a pastor...we went to school together. He is really struggling in his marriage...and he just is giving up. Now, he is probably not getting a divorce (he would never leave his wife, kids and ministry), he is just giving up. I hear it in his voice... it is just hollow.

This issue they are struggling over is not new. He has talked with his wife about it over and over again (yes, it's about sex) and he is just coming to the conclusion that, no matter how much they talk about the issue, no matter what temporary changes she makes for the moment, she is not going to change how she treats him sexually. And the funny thing is that he is not really angry about it, just resigned to it. Just numb.

It's interesting... and my single readers out there might be offended by this (please don't be)... but I often hear single people struggle with being single. But I've been in this job too long, have known too many people (and been married long enough) to know that there are a lot of unmet expectations out there in marriage... and a lot of pain in marriages. Yes, there are some good ones... but a good marriage requires a LOT of sacrifice and a LOT of work. And to be honest, most of us are just too selfish to work that hard at anything.

Narnia

So Friday night... opening night for "Lion, Witch and Wardrobe," you can guess where me and 11 of my friends were, right? The evening began with some Mexican food for dinner and then the long car ride across the street to the movie theater. First, the Athena Grand Rocks as a movie theater, although the popcorn and soda prices require a second mortgage. But the seating is great and the angles and sight lines are fantastic.

And the move...

I don't think I have ever seen a movie that was better than the book. LWW is no exception. And for you Narnia addicts who have every nuance of the entire series of books memorized (not that I'm married to such a person, this is totally hypothetical, of course) but if there WAS such a person... no... the movie is not exactly like the book.

But in this reviewer's opinion... wow.

My opinion is worth the paper it is written on (but since I'm typing on my PowerBook G4, that's quite a lot). The plot is classic Lewis. The meaning and theology is solid. The effects are, overall, well done. And Asland is absolutely amazing.

Cough up $6, go to the Athena Grand, pull up a chair and head into the world of Narnia for a couple of hours. If you want some company, give me a call. I will see this one again.

I'm fat

So taking a page from mdog, I'm going to be pretty raw here.

I'm fat.

Now, to my readers who know me, that is not going to come as a big shock.

But I really hate it.

I have always felt fat. When I was a kid, I always thought I was fat. Funny, as I look back at pictures, I was plump, but I would not consider myself to have been morbidly obese. But I always had this image of me that I was fat. Unattractive.

But now I am. There is no doubt, no explaining it away. And I hate it.

So why don't I change? I want to. I hate the way I look and even more so I hate the way I feel. I know it's bad for me, I know it is sin, I know that it will become harder as I age, I know it takes away my credibility as a pastor and as a person. I know those things.

Here is the thing... I've tried so may times. Made so many resolutions. "Given it to God" (Christianeese). I've had people who say they will hold me accountable. (That works for about 3 weeks and then we both give up). And I've had some success. But with every success comes gaining even more weight back. And that scares me.

I know what it takes. Eat less, exercise more. It's pretty simple really. What's wrong with me?

So this goes pretty deep. I'm not saying the raw things. Maybe this hits too close to home.

There is this part of me that wants to ask for advice. Not sure there is much you can say I haven't heard.

So "that's all I have to say about that" [Forrest Gump]

Bah Humbug!

My kind of Christmas toy. Just make sure you turn up the volume and shake the snow globe.