Happy New Year - Blogging Off

How do you sign off a blog?

So, we end a year and begin a new one. Now, if that is not cause for reflection, I'm not sure what is...so I'm hoping all my blog readers (all 3 of you?) are spending some time in reflection on the old year and maybe even planning for the new one. Yes, I'm making NY resolutions...and maybe when I return I will share them with you all! I know one of them will have to do with losing weight (and believe it or not, I have never made that a NY resolution before) and others have to do with returning to a more disciplined time use.

I am going away for a week and most likely won't be writing for the week (unless I find an Internet connection!) But if any of you want to share NY resolutions, I will read them when I return.

Have a great New Year!

buffet rant

So nobody seems to be reading, so I can rant. This is a dangerous rant though...as it hits too close to home. I went to Cici's pizza for lunch. A pizza buffet. All you can eat for $4. Not bad. But I did notice something. Almost everyone there, (and the place was pretty full) including me, was overweight. A bunch of fat people eating at a pizza buffet.

Why are we (including me) so much slaves to food? Why, in a world where some starve, do others get fat? Why in a world where food is scarce...is my biggest problem too much food? Why am I only writing about it?

Shopping Rant

Okay, I'm not a big fan of shopping. I don't mind going to get stuff, but the idea of recreational shopping makes no sense to me. Oh, I can see browsing a book store, or even an antique store. I don't really mind looking for stuff when I need/want stuff. But to look at stuff for the sake of looking at stuff. I spent the night at Easton. That is just not my world. Got to go, my child is crying...she has been sick. More maybe later.

The Love of a Father

My wife and I struggled a great deal over the decision to have children. We had been married for 11 years, had a great relationship and loved each other deeply. We didn't need a child to complete us or to make our marriage better. There wasn't this deep need in either of us to have kids. The only reason we could think of for having a child was our desire to give our lives away to someone else. The ultimate in discipleship.

When we finally decided to try (or not try as the case may be) to have kids, we gave God a window of time...5 months. Starting Sunday morning, Feb 1 if she was not pregnant that was it. Time passed and month after month she was not pregnant. We had pretty much decided that it was not God's will for us to have kids...when on Saturday, January 31, the pregnancy test came back positive.

When she found out she was pregnant, for the longest time we thought we made a mistake. There were lots of emotions I have written in my personal journal, that I'm not sure I could blog at this time... but the biggest one was fear. What if I hated being a dad? What if I carried feelings of resentment for her being in my life? What if we didn't love her?

Tonight I put my 4 month old daughter to bed. I watched her as she slept in my arms and I was overwhelmed with how much love I felt for this life that has only been here for 4 short months. Maybe I'm an emotional person anyway, but I sat and watched her for a good 1/2 hour...just overwhelmed by how much love I had for this life I held in my arms. I thought about how close we came to not having her. I wondered what my life would be like now if I lost her. I guess I would just have to trust God with that...

And as I sat there...just staring at her...just loving her...just soaking in the joy of being her dad...the voice of my Heavenly Father whispered to me..."Oh Paul...by the way...now you have just a glimpse of how much I love you."

No, it can't be. Does the bible actually suggest that if I, as a fallen, earthly father, can love my child and want good things for her...than how much more does my heavenly father love me and want good things for me? Is it really that scandalous? Is His love for me really that radical? Am I really "the apple of his eye" -- the very center of His attention? Is He really that fixated on my little life? Does He really take that much delight in just looking at me? Loving me?

That kind of love was really beyond my comprehension until my daughter. If the only reason we were to have my daughter was for that moment, then it was worth it. Please God, let there be more of them, but I think I understand you more now.

Customer Service Rant

So why has customer service gotten so lousy? Today I called my phone company only to wait 22 minutes 48 seconds on hold. Is that really necessary? I mean, I can understand a 2, 3, 4...maybe 5 minute wait. But after 10 minutes, it's really time to hire more staff. I will say that once I actually talked to a real person, she was quite helpful and nice, but 22 minutes?

Then, I went to pick up pictures I had taken of my daughter. I confess, I went to get them developed at a place I don't frequent that much... partially because I have found the customer service lousy! So I wait in line...for several minutes. That's okay...they were busy. But when I got to the counter, the woman behind the counter was not only clueless, but she just was... well... a bit rude. When she handed me my pictures ($37.53 worth) she just grunted, "okay, you're done." No "thank you," no "can I help you with anything else?"

The sad thing is that when customer service is good, it is so rare that it stands out. Shouldn't that be the norm?

Okay...I could rant longer, but I try to keep these short in case someone actually reads them. I wouldn't want to take away from the time readers might spend on hold with their phone company.

Twas the Night After Christmas

'Twas the Night After Christmas
and all through my house
not a creature was stirring
not even my spouse...

It's funny how the pace of the Christmas season changes...right after Christmas. There is this week between Christmas and New Years that just seems to be in limbo. I'm taking a "kind of" vacation...1/2 time and just doing planning for next year. My friends who work "real jobs" say that not a lot of work gets done.

So I have a proposition. Let's all take this week off. (I don't know what we would do without the people who serve us in gas stations and restaurants, etc but we could manage for a week!) We could take this week and spend the first couple of days reflecting on the previous year. Take a couple of days and have leisurely meals with friends and family then take a couple of days to set some goals for the following year. We could all be rested and start the New Year with a renewed sense of purpose.

If we all do this then we can all be paid...just like we were working! Now, again, we need people working in stores, and gas stations, and utility companies, and we might need doctors and nurses and I want to read the newspaper so they have to work...and....

Maybe this won't work.

What a Christmas present! I have people posting!

What a Christmas present. I have my first two people posting on my blog! I'm so excited. :OP There is a strange kind of validation that comes when people read what you wrote and actually make comments. It makes you feel...well... special... included... loved...cherished...part of the gang!

Or maybe not. Maybe I'm getting carried away. But it was fun. You are welcome here anytime. Send your friends, send your enemies. Just don't use my last name.

But it is Christmas so I'm not writing anything.

No seriously, I'm stopping.

Right now.

'Cause I'm not addicted. No sir!

I can quit anytime.

Really.

Here I go.

Merry Christmas

What kind of sicko is writing in his weblog on Christmas night?

Christmas Eve Morning and Work

It's the morning of Christmas Eve. What does that make it...if Christmas Eve is a evening...can you have a Christmas Eve morning? Anyway...

Today I have to get ready for work tonight. It feels less like work this year as I'm not really doing anything, but I sometimes miss when my work was not my work. I love it, don't get me wrong. And I love where and who I am "working" with... but it's days like this that I wish I was just ... well... not "working" -- rather just choosing to be. There is a very different feel when you choose to be a part of a community verses when it is your job. I guess, in a very real sense, I DO choose to be a part of this community, but I'm not sure it is ever seen that way by anyone other than my wife and me. Rather, too often, people choose the community, or choose to leave, because of me... or at least my decisions. And I'm not really crazy about that... I'm guessing this is one of those issues that is unique to my profession.

What job would Jesus have if he came in flesh today? I doubt he would be a shepherd. I seriously doubt he would be a pastor. I don't think he would run for political office, or lead a Christian ministry (even a ministry with the poor). I guess he would probably work in an architect's office, or run a coffee shop, or have a little wood shop in his basement. If he was older, he may just be retired and serve people without being seen. He may teach for a university, or help train people, or work in accounting, or be a nurse or work for social services. He may teach Jr. High, or be a custodian.

I know that is where I have seen him lately.

'Twas the Night Before Christmas...Eve...

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. I'm sitting in my warm house, watching TV. I just finished dinner. The house is decorated...I will wrap Christmas presents tonight. My new baby daughter is sitting in a vibrating chair just being very content and very cute. My dogs are laying at my feet. In a couple of days I will visit my in-laws and they will give us way too many Christmas presents. Soon afterward my parents will come to my home and we will spend the week together. Then I go on vacation, flying to Hawaii for a week.

This is so far removed from the rest of the world.

As I type on a wireless laptop, there are people without food. As I sit in a house, there are people who live on the street. I ate dinner early tonight. Why? Becuase I was "hungry." Now I'm full. I just stopped at the store and bought groceries. I didn't question their safety. I didn't even notice the price all that much.

My wife almost died giving birth to my daughter. They are both alive because we were in a hospital. Not just any hospital, but one we were sent to in Columbus that could handle the situation. 40,000 children died today from preventable things... they didn't need a hospital. They just needed food, or clean water, or some simple medication that I could drive to the store and buy in 10 minutes.

"For unto us a child is born, a son is given. And the governments will be upon his shoulder. And his name will be called, Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."

On reflecting

I think most people...maybe me...lead unexamined lives. We rush through the day, doing the stuff of life, but are we really learning anything? At the end of a day, how much have I really grown? How much have the events of this day shaped me into the person I want to become? Or how much of it is just me trying to do the stuff of life? I guess there really isn't anything wrong with the stuff of life, is there? Some of it is good. Maybe even most of it. But I guess it is good only if it has a purpose. To make me into the person I was designed to be. To help shape the world into the place it was meant to be.

L. Smeeds write,: “I bought a brand new date book yesterday, the kind I buy every year: Spiral bound, black imitation leather covers, wrapped around pages and pages of blank squares. Every square has a number to tell me which day of the month I am in at the moment. Every square is a frame for one episode of my life. Before I’m through with the book I will fill the squares with classes I teach, people with whom I eat lunch, ever-lasting committee meetings I sit through.

And these are only the things I cannot afford to forget. I fill the squares too with things I do not write down for me to remember. Thousands of cups of coffee, some lovemaking, some praying, and I hope gestures of help to my neighbors. Whatever I do it has to fit inside one of those squares in my date book.

I live one square at the time. The four lines that make up the square are the walls of time that organize my life. Everything that I do has to fit into one square. Each square has an invisible door that leads to the next square. As if by a silent stoke the door opens and I’m pulled through it as if by a magnate, sucked into the next square in line. There, I will again fill the time frame that seals me, fill it with my busyness, just as I did the square before.

As I get older, the squares seem to get smaller. One day, I will walk into a square that has no door. There will be no mysterious opening, and no walking into an adjoining square. One of the squares will be terminal. I do not know which square it will be.“

It's really funny, but what I fill each square with is up to me. Not my boss, not my spouse, not the people I serve, not the culture. Me. And yet often I live my life as a victim of others setting my agenda. Or the agenda I feel God has for my life.

Am I filling my squares wisely? God give me this square called "today" and then the one thing I choose is, “How will I fill it?”

“Be very careful how you live you life, not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity because the days are evil.”

My first Blog

So I have no idea what I'm doing. I've never done this before. But there is something in me that thinks this could be the next step in my journaling. A community journal. It seems radical. Almost scandal. That my personal thoughts could be added to or put out there for people to see. But maybe only if I want them to be seen. Is a thought really a thought if no one sees it? Or is it just an image in my mind yet expressed? I have no idea what that means, but it sounded okay. So now what....